The Alternative

Dr. Tony Evans: If you become the head of the house and he becomes the follower and the children are ruling the parents, God is not involved in the house.

Guest (Male): Dr. Tony Evans talks about God's kingdom agenda for wives and the problems we run into when we don't follow it.

Dr. Tony Evans: When we're out of alignment in our roles, the devil has freedom because he knows God only works inside of his alignment.

Guest (Male): This is the Alternative broadcast featuring the timeless biblical teachings from the archives of Dr. Tony Evans. God has set up a chain of command for family life and sometimes even speaking about it can make people uncomfortable. But today Dr. Evans shares the purpose behind the plan and the difference it can make in your home. Let's join him as he talks about becoming a kingdom wife.

Dr. Tony Evans: The reason God created family, the foundational institution in society was for the advancement of his kingdom in history. It was a kingdom purpose and to subdue the earth, that is oversee the earth on his behalf through the family structure and its replication, be fruitful and multiply throughout the earth replicating the image of God everywhere children would establish new families. So my first concern is that we get back to the biblical purpose for family, the advancement of God's kingdom in history through the marriage of a man and a woman. But even if you have the biblical purpose of family, you may not be organized according to God's structure for family.

You cannot get God's involvement if you create your own structure because God always starts with the man. As if a home is out of order, we have to first ask is the man out of alignment? If a man is not subordinated to Christ properly, then Christ is not free to work to him, through him and in him for the management and ruling of his domain. So the alignment of the man is critical. It's foundational and it's first. But today we want to talk about the alignment of the woman, the wife. When Satan came into the garden, he went to Eve, not Adam, on purpose.

He went to Eve because he flipped God's order. Instead of going to the man, he went to the woman. Eve became the leader of the house. Adam became the passive responder. Roles got flipped, all hell broke loose. Whenever roles get flipped, you don't have to invite the devil. He can invite himself. When we are out of alignment with God, when we're out of alignment in our roles, the devil has freedom because he knows God only works inside of his alignment. So he creates disconnections. He creates alignment confusion. So the man is not in his role or the wife is not in her role or both are not in their role fulfilling the alignment.

Now let me make this point inextricably clear. This has nothing to do with equality of persons. Jesus is equal to God, but it has everything to do with effectiveness of function. While Jesus is equal to God in his being, he is not equal to God in his function. Jesus said when he came to earth, I have come to do thy will, oh God. So what Jesus did was he submitted himself to the Father to carry out his function on earth while at the same time, Philippians 2, being equal to the Father. So every woman is equal to her husband in her being, but she is not equal to her husband in her function.

Now he says in verse 22 of Ephesians 5, the hated word, wives be subject to your own husbands. The word subject means to place oneself under. Place oneself under. So he is literally saying wives, if you're married, place yourself underneath your husband. Now you'll understand that in a moment. Stick with me. Place yourself under your husband. But now I hear the argument. You're saying but I'm scared because if I do that, I don't know what I'm going to wind up with. Well, he puts a limitation on the placement. He says place yourself under your husband as unto the Lord.

He says in verse 23 these words. He says for the husband is head of the wife as Christ is also head of the church. So he says he is your head, but he is your head unlike something, like Christ is to the church. He says in verse 24, but as the church is subject to Christ, so wives ought to be subject to their husbands in everything. In other words, every wife, Christian wife is to be underneath her Christian husband, but with limitations. The limitations are that he cannot go outside of God in demanding your submission.

So it is specific, definite submission placing yourself under, but it is placing yourself under with boundaries. He comes to the end of the chapter. He says in verse 32, this mystery is great, but I'm speaking with reference to Christ and the church. In other words, he says I'm talking about marriage. Now in heaven, there's no marriage. When you get raptured up to heaven, there will be no marriage. I know many of you are saying thank God, okay? There will be no marriage. Why won't there be marriage? Because Christ will be with his church. You see, the reason God created marriage for Christians is to model the love of Christ for the church and the response of the church to the love of Christ through submission.

Since Jesus will be with his church, there will be no need for the illustration anymore and there will be no desire for the institution anymore. So the the reason God created marriage was to model his kingdom, something bigger, Christ's relationship to the church. Then he comes in verse 33 and says nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself and the wife must see to it. Some lady somebody in here say see to it.

Guest (Female): See to it.

Dr. Tony Evans: See to it. That is make sure make sure that she respects her husband. All right? There is no command in the Bible for a woman to love her husband. There are references of women loving their husbands, but they're not commands. There's a command for a man to love his wife, not a command for a wife to love her husband. The command in verse 33 is that she respects her husband because ladies, what your husband need is not in his heart, it's in his head. Women will regularly say I don't believe he loves me, but men will regularly say I don't believe she respects me because what a man is needing, wanting, desiring and what he feeds off of is respect.

To respect means to hold in high esteem, to reverence, to hold up in high esteem. You are to respect your husband. Watch this even when you disagree with him. Let's say you're in court. The judge is behind the bench and he makes a decision you don't like. You going to jump up and cuss him out? You going to tell him you no good so and so? No, you're not going to do that cuz you're going to be held in contempt of court. Contempt means disrespect. In other words, you not going to say what you want to say or say what you feel like saying cuz sitting up there is an office.

He's the judge. So you will respect his position even though you disagree with his point. To respect does not mean you agree. To respect means I know the office you hold. So even in my disagreement, I am going to say your honor. You going to say your honor. In other words, you will give him his props even though he may be wrong in his decision because you're going to respect it cuz you know what? You don't want to be held in contempt. Unfortunately, God has to hold a lot of his women in contempt of court because they are dishonoring to their husband.

Don't misunderstand me. He starts with him. He's ultimately responsible, but there is a role that the wife has to play and that is to respect. 1st Peter 3 breaks down this issue of respect. And it got real quiet in here. 1st Peter 3 because I know this is going to be a shift for many of you ladies who are not used to kingdom thinking, not culture thinking, kingdom thinking. Okay? In the same way you wives, 1st Peter 3:1 be submissive to your own husbands so that if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be one without a word by the behavior of their wives or let's put it in another way.

Don't try to nag them in the changing without a word. That means without nagging. Okay? Don't try to nag. You've been trying to nag him for 20 years. He ain't changed yet. So obviously nagging is not it. He says the way you affect him is by your submission to him, legitimate submission. He says to do this without a word as they verse 2 observe your chase and respectful behavior. In other words, they are watching you respect them. They are seeing it. It it becomes something it's sight and sound. You are visually recognizing his position as your husband.

And he says you do it first of all and how you look. Look at verse 3. Your adornment must not be merely external, braiding of the hair, wearing gold jewelry and putting on of dresses. Now he doesn't say you want to look nice. He says you are not to merely look nice. That is you your beauty should not just be external. So now let me ask you this question. How much time, ladies, do you spend looking nice? Okay? You looking at shopping to look nice, in the mirror putting up makeup to put in a nice braiding of the hair or braiding of the extensions to look nice.

I mean, how how much time are you spending to look nice? Probably a lot. Okay? You look beautiful today. You you you've come and you are looking wonderful. But what he is saying is don't be couture in church and bargain basement at home. Don't come out and and let it just be for show for everybody else, but he doesn't get to see this respectful behavior at home. He says in addition to looking good on the outside, you ought to look in the mirror of God's word to make sure you pretty on the inside. He says he ought to see your respectful behavior.

Looking pretty and cussing him out doesn't work. Looking pretty and putting him down doesn't work. Looking pretty and talking about him to your girlfriends like a dog doesn't work. He says you are pretty on the outside and ugly on the inside because they don't see the respect. He says it ought to be visible. It ought to be seen.

Guest (Male): Dr. Evans will talk about some specific ways to make that respect visible when he continues our message in just a moment. First though, I want to remind you about a special resource we're making available right now, all six full-length messages in Dr. Evans' teaching series The Kingdom Family. This collection explores God's design for the home and offers practical biblical principles for building stronger families and understanding the unique role each of us has within the family. We'd like to send you the complete series on CD, USB flash drive or instantly downloadable MP3s as our thank you gift when you make a contribution to support Tony's ministry.

And as an added bonus for a limited time, we'll also include Dr. Evans' One Family Under God paperback, a companion to the series that explores the foundational issues facing our homes and points us toward the family as God intended it. To take advantage of this special offer, visit tonyevans.org or call our resource center at 1-800-800-3222 and let one of our team members help you day or night. That's 1-800-800-3222. Dr. Evans will return with more of today 's lesson right after this.

Guest (Male): What happens when faith meets the edge of survival? On The Unbound podcast, Dr. Tony Evans shares stories shaped by hardship, purpose, and redemption.

Guest (Male): At one point in my life, I could have gone down a path where probably years in prison or not being here today. Generational trauma can be passed from generation to generation, but so can healing. Forgiveness can be the key that continues to unlock your future.

Guest (Male): Unbound with Dr. Tony Evans. Listen now. You can subscribe to the Unbound podcast on Dr. Evans' YouTube channel or on your favorite podcast platform. Right now, let's get back to today's message.

Dr. Tony Evans: Far too many ladies will look better for their boss than they look for their husbands. They'll get dressed. Yes, Mr. Jones. No, Mr. Jones. Can I get you some coffee, Mr. Jones? Anything else I can do for you, Mr. Jones? Uh yes, I'll be glad to work overtime if you need me to stay here longer, Mr. Jones. Come home. What you want to eat? I'm tired. I'm tired. Get your own coffee. We'll get up early if Mr. Jones needs you early. Won't get up early enough to cook him breakfast so he doesn't have to leave hungry and buy it outside because the beauty is for out there and not in here.

He says they should observe your respectful behavior. Yeah, he said it. Peter, don't get mad at me. That what Peter said. In fact, he breaks it down more. He says let it be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit. He not talking about not talking. He's talking about a quiet spirit. He's talking about how you come across. He says a quiet spirit which is precious in the sight of God. He says God is looking for the spirit. Is it an honoring spirit? Yes, he has a responsibility.

It's the lead responsibility. We've addressed that, but a woman has a responsibility too to let it be visible that I'm honoring him and recognizing him and supporting him. When you look at the woman in Proverbs 31, she's helping her husband every kind of way, ministerially. She's helping him with the ministry. She's helping him with real estate. She's helping him with the poor. She helping him with the kids. She's I mean, this lady's all over the place. She's still looking good cuz she dressing in purple, which was the couture of the day. You know, she she's girlfriend looking good, but the thing that marks her office it says she fearing God.

It says she fearing God. She took God seriously. Her husband was known in the gates. Look at chapter 3 verse 5. For in this way in former times, the holy women who also hoped in God used to adorn themselves being submissive to their own husbands just as Sarah obeyed Abraham calling him Lord. It says the holy women of old. See a lot of reason why a lot of women are messed up is they ain't hanging out with holy women. See, you hanging out with unholy girlfriends. Girl, I left him a long time ago. You had to deal with that girl.

You you hanging out with unholy women, getting unholy advice, making you an unholy wife. Okay? The Bible says in Titus 2, you ought to hang out with spiritually mature women who are going to help you love him better, who are going to help you love you be a better mother, who are going to help you prioritize your home cuz here's the principle. When what you're doing outside of the home conflicts or diminishes your priority inside of the home, you doing too much outside of the home. And that may mean you have to change and be satisfied and content with your needs and not try to get all your wants so you don't have to try to climb a career ladder and lose your children and lose your marriage while you getting your private office.

Nothing wrong with using your gift talents and skills until they conflict with the priority of being a wife and being a mother. Those two things come first. But look at what it says. It says just as Sarah obeyed Abraham calling him Lord, calling him Lord. In other words, she didn't just reveal respect in her behavior, she revealed respect with her mouth. I know it's hard to say. Lord. That is a term of significance, of elevation. He's my Lord. He's my Lord, you know? That a man will feel that one. That that hits you in the gizzard.

Lord. Okay? Now I know what some of you are saying. Some of you are saying wait a minute. That's in the Old Testament. I can hear it now. And I'm I'm in the New Testament. You have a verse 6 says but you are her children if you do likewise. Okay? So it applies to the New Testament. Okay? Now he's talking about verbal respect. It should be respected behavior, but respect verbally. He ought to hear it. Okay? Now you will get him if when you when you start when he starts seeing Lord and hearing Lord, you messing with him now.

See, you messing with his head because you're meeting his need and his need is for respect. Okay? Your need is for love. He should meet that need first, but your need his need is for respect. Now watch this. When did Sarah call Abraham Lord? That's the question. She called him Lord when she was 90 years old. Abraham is 100. God tells Abraham your wife going to have a baby. Abraham laughs cuz that's a joke. He comes to Sarah and says you going to have a baby. Sarah laughs. In other words, that's not physically possible on Abraham's part.

You can't do that. Plus then I got my issues. I'm barren. So I haven't conceived in 90 years. But when she called Abraham Lord, cuz that's when she called him Lord when God said you going to have a baby at 90. When she called Abraham Lord, God came back to her and said now is anything too impossible for me? So when she called Abraham Lord, she got a miracle. I know you not trying to have no more babies. That's not the point. The point is God broke into her messed up situation that had gone on for 90 years and turned that thing around when she respected Abraham.

So could you be blocking your miracle cuz God doesn't see you respecting your husband? God can send an angel to your side because he knows you're going to rebel against his office and God's authority because when you rebel against legitimate authority, you are in essence rebelling against God. The Bible says even Michael would not bring a railing judgment against the devil because even though the devil is evil, it says the devil held an office as Archangel. So Michael respected his office even though he rejected the devil. So you know if angels respect the devil, now your husband may be bad, but he ain't that bad.

You should be visibly and verbally honoring him not just in public but in private, not just in the church house but in your house, not just so other people can hear it, but so he can hear it and see it. And that is what God is called us to for God to begin to work and bring about the kind of relationships that can turn things around.

Guest (Male): Dr. Evans will return with an illustration of that kind of turnaround in just a moment. In the meantime, I want to remind you that today's lesson is part of Tony 's current teaching series The Kingdom Family. This six-part collection explores God's original design for the home and what it means to build a family around his purposes. As I mentioned earlier, you can receive all six full-length messages as our thank you gift when you make a contribution to support Dr. Evans' ministry. And for a limited time, we'll also include a copy of his One Family Under God paperback, a companion resource that can help you understand God's design for the family making it easier to apply these principles in your own home.

Now the sooner you make your request, the sooner we can get these resources into your hands. So visit us today at tonyevans.org or let one of our team members assist you by calling our resource center at 1-800-800-3222 day or night. Again, that tonyevans.org or by phone at 1-800-800-3222. Some singles believe that life without marriage is life without meaning. But tomorrow Dr. Evans offers a different perspective explaining why unmarried believers may find more purpose in pursuing a ministry instead of a mate. Right now though, he's back with a final thought for today.

Dr. Tony Evans: You remember the story Beauty and the Beast. He was an ugly critter. He was a beast, but he ran into a beauty. And for the first time in his life, somebody cared about him. Somebody saw something good in him. Somebody valued him. Somebody honored him. And the beast turned into a prince. You may be married to a beast, but maybe he's just waiting for somebody to honor him, somebody to value him, somebody to treasure him, somebody to encourage him, somebody to believe in him. And maybe your beast will turn into a prince when you come under his legitimate authority.