Revive Our Hearts

Dana Gresh: Curious how to champion Christ-like qualities in the men around you? Nancy De Moss Wolgemuth is here with a reminder.

Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth: It's important for us as women to affirm and encourage masculinity in men. Don't try and feminize them. The goal is not for them to be more like us. The goal is for them to be more like Jesus.

Dana Gresh: This is the Revive Our Hearts podcast with Nancy De Moss Wolgemuth, author of Incomparable. For October 21st, 2026, I'm Dana Gresh. We talk a lot about true womanhood here at Revive Our Hearts. It's one of our core messages. But what about true masculinity? What does it look like to be a man patterned after Christ? And how can we as women encourage this kind of masculinity in the men we love? If you've ever asked these questions, you're in the right place. We're going to explore them together, starting with a message from Nancy De Moss Wolgemuth called Courage Under Control, The Manliness of Christ.

It's part of the series Incomparable, The Person of Christ. We'll link to that in today's transcript. After that, we'll get a special peek behind the curtain. Bob De Piene is going to let us into the minds of men and tell us how we can encourage them best. Now, here's Nancy.

Bob Lepine: In this program, we speak to women. I don't preach to men. I know we have some men who listen and occasionally they write and remind me of that. But I'm preaching to the women. If the men want to eavesdrop, that's up to them. But women, it's important for us to know as we pray for God to raise up godly male leadership, what are we praying for? What kinds of qualities are we asking God to put in our pastors, husbands, men, spiritual leaders? And most of all, in the the for purposes of this program, I want you to see how these qualities are perfectly modeled in Christ.

The manliness of Christ. 1 Corinthians 16, be watchful. Stand firm in the faith. Act like men. If you have the NIV, there it says be courageous. Be strong. And verse 14, let all that you do be done in love. Now, one commentator on this passage has pointed out that the first four of these five exhortations, the ones found in verse 13, are military terms. Let's look at each of those terms and what it means. And as we do, you'll see how this is something that Christ models. Number one, be watchful. It's a concept of staying awake, being alert, being vigilant.

It's the idea of a sentinel that's stationed to guard a military camp. And he has to continually be on guard. He has to watch out for danger, watch out for the enemy. And men of God Now, there's a sense in which all of this applies to women as well, but I think it particularly shows characteristics of godly male leadership, watchfulness. Being on their guard in relation to danger and temptation and evil. And Paul is saying, you have to be on guard, you have to be watchful for your own soul as a man, and you also have to be watchful for the souls of others so that an enemy won't come in while everyone's sleeping and wreak havoc.

Your husband, if you are married, has a huge responsibility for your family to be watchful, to make sure that the enemy doesn't get into the to the family through means of mass media or culture or television programming or movies that could send you in directions other than God's way. He has to be watchful for subtle devices of the evil one. He is responsible to defend those under his care. And who more responsible, a shepherd, than Christ himself, the God man? Be watchful. Number two, stand firm in the faith. This is the concept of holding fast to the truth, not being swayed by winds of doctrine, by fads, by false teaching.

And again, we as women we've taught in this ministry about the importance of discernment, about standing firm in the faith. But there's a need for godly men who will stand firm in the truth, who will know what the truth is and will plant their feet and their hearts firmly in the truth and stand there. They're not going to move no matter who comes along and gives some new fashioned, you know, teaching or approach. They're going to be firmly planted in the truth. Be watchful, stand firm in the faith. Number three, act like men. Now, this is the only time that word It's one word in the Greek language.

It's the only time it's used in the New Testament. However, in the Greek version of the Old Testament, this word found only once in the New Testament is used many times. And each time it's translated, be strong and courageous. Be strong and courageous. And that's what it is to act like a man, to be strong, to be courageous. You say, does that mean women shouldn't be courageous and strong? No, but it does mean that there's a specific calling in the hearts of men to be strong and courageous. One commentator said it means to conduct yourself in a courageous way.

Be a man. Be bold, be brave, be valiant for the truth, not cowardly. Act like men. And Paul says this to the spiritual leaders of his day, to the elders, be courageous, be bold, don't be timid or cowardly. And again, who better models this than Christ? How courageous was he to stand against the tide of the Pharisees? They're popular You know, he didn't fear the Pharisees. They were the undisputed leaders and respected men of their day, but Jesus didn't cow tow to them. He acted like a man. When he knew the truth, which he did always, he stood up for it.

He defended it. He was courageous. Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men. Number four, be strong, firm, fixed, steadfast. Someone who's strong isn't going to run when he 's attacked. He's going to press on. And we see Jesus pressing on toward Jerusalem even when the disciples said to him, oh, you can't let that happen to you. Jesus said, I'm going to be arrested, I'm going to suffer, I'm going to be tried, I'm going to be crucified, I'm going to die. And his best friends, his disciples say, no, no, no, no, Jesus, don't let that happen.

Jesus was strong. He set his face like a flint toward Jerusalem, the place where he knew he would suffer, the place where he knew he would be abused and mistreated because he knew it was the plan and the will of his heavenly Father. He was strong, firm, fixed, and steadfast. What a man was Christ. So we have those four military terms. Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, and be strong. And then we have in verse 14 of 1 Corinthians 16 one final exhortation, and it ties these all together. Let all that you do be done in love.

That has to do with the motive and the manner of acting like a man, being courageous. This is not a man who's just plunging forward, running over people in his path, wreaking havoc, being domineering, being controlling. This is a man who is doing all those things, being watchful, standing firm, acting like a man, being strong. He's doing it all in love. That's his motive, that's his manner. It's not for selfish gain. He's not harming or controlling others. He's doing it for love's sake. And you can see this in Christ's relationships with both men and women.

He was always seeking the interests of others, never acting in an inappropriate way, never talking harshly unless the harshness was needed as a means of love to bring down the proud hearts of those who were resistant. The perfect man, the true man, all seen in Christ. Now, not only in his earthly life did Christ conduct himself in a manly way as a true man, but still today Christ gives us a pattern for true manliness. Remember we said he's still in that body, that human body exalted in heaven. He gives us a pattern from heaven for true manliness as the savior, the head, and the bridegroom of his church.

How does he do that? Let me just list some ways. He takes initiative in pursuing his bride, wooing and winning her heart. God's doing that in some of your hearts right now, drawing your heart to Christ. It's Christ's initiative that is doing that. He demonstrates his manliness in that uncommon, selfless, sacrificial love as he lays down his life for the church. He has shown us that love in the cross, in his sacrificial death on our behalf. He demonstrates courage and boldness in protecting his bride. As the second Adam, he steps in to reverse the effects of the first Adam's failure to protect and provide spiritual leadership for the woman.

We hear so much talk today about passive men. Adam, that was that was one of his first sins was passivity. He didn't step in. He didn't step up to the plate. He didn't protect the woman. Now, that's not to say the woman wasn't responsible too. They were both responsible. But we see this role reversal where Eve takes initiative, Adam is passive and stands by and lets it happen. Christ reversed that. He steps in to reverse the effects of Adam's failure. He is a true man. So he leads his bride. He leads us in paths of righteousness for his namesake.

What a man. Can I hear an amen?

Guest (Female): Amen.

Bob Lepine: He's faithful in providing for her. We hear today about deadbeat dads and men who aren't providing for their kids. They've abandoned their wives and kids. And now today there are moms doing this as well, but the men get the rap on that. And sometimes it's justified. But Christ will never get that rap. He never abandons those he's called to provide for. He takes active responsibility for the cleansing and sanctification of his bride. He's actively pursuing our holiness. He's a leader. He's a man. He's a warrior and a deliverer as he wages war on our behalf to rescue us from sin and bondage, to overcome Satan and the flesh and ultimately this world system.

What a man. And then we see him as the conquering king who will one day return for his bride, victorious over every enemy, to reign as the sovereign Lord of the universe forever and ever. Now, as we often say, that's the what. Now, what's the so what? The manliness of Christ. What's the application for us? We're women. I'm talking to women in this room. What's the application of all this for us? Some women could say, yeah, we ought to point out the things that men aren't doing right because they're not being like Jesus. No, that's not the application.

For us as women, number one, Christ is the only perfect man who ever lived. So don't expect other men to be what only Christ is. We set ourselves up for disappointment when we expect anyone, male or female, to be what only Christ can be. Number two, as a woman, you may have had some experiences as I got a letter from a woman this week saying talking about experiences that had caused her to distrust men. You may have been hurt greatly by a a father, boyfriend, a husband. Can I say look to Christ? He will never wrong you.

He will never abandon you. He will never fail you. In him you have a picture of what true manhood was intended to be and what by God's grace it can be in men who follow Christ. And that leads me to this point. It's important for us as women to affirm and encourage masculinity in men. Don't try and feminize them. The goal is not for them to be more like us. The goal is for them to be more like Jesus. So we need to pray for our Christian brothers to be conformed to the image of Christ as we pray that for ourselves.

Dana Gresh: A man's calling to be courageous like Christ is a magnificent calling. But it's also a challenging one. And I'll just emphasize something Nancy's already said. The men in your life are not Christ. They won't perfectly imitate him. This is an opportunity for us to look like Jesus by giving grace. And let me tell you, if you're a woman who is married or who desires to be married, this is something that's so important to learn. The men in our lives will respond to grace infinitely better than they ever respond to criticism. This is something Bob De Piene spoke on at a True Woman conference.

Now, Bob is no stranger to Revive Our Hearts. You may remember him from his days as co-host of Family Life Today. He's currently the head of our board and has often spoken at our events and on the program. His wife Mary Ann was in the audience that day and you may hear him speak to her during this message. Let's listen.

Bob Lepine: There are some things that as men we feel like we got to do them well to qualify as men. Like knowing directions is one of those things. We feel like we got it right. Guys fail I know where we are. I know where we're going. Guys It it's it's wired into the man code that we just feel like we're supposed to know these things and to admit that we don't is somehow is like admitting I'm not a real man, honey. I mean, you just got to know for a guy to say I'm lost is like saying buy me a dress, okay?

And get me some pumps while you're at it cuz we might as well complete the whole deal. We were traveling a number of years ago to Indianapolis from Little Rock. You go to Nashville and you turn north. It's pretty simple. And everything had gone flawlessly until I got off at about 9 o'clock at night just south of Louisville to use a bathroom. And it was not one of these easy on, easy off exit places. So I used the bathroom. I We had to loop back around and I got back on the highway. And pretty soon I 'm going huh.

I I do not think this is the highway. The sign says Paducah. And Paducah is not between here and Indianapolis. Huh. It was 9 at night. The family was tired. And not only that, but the the first turnaround spot on the highway was 16 miles down the street. 16 of the longest coldest miles I've ever been. Now, you just have to know I I tell you that cuz I I pride myself on being pretty good with pretty good sense of direction. And I've got a pretty good sense of direction, don't I, sweetheart? Thank you very much.

And it was not that And And Mary ended a did a fine job that night of saying, you know, that could happen to anybody. Rather than Well, if you'd gotten out a map or I thought we were headed in the wrong direction. Now, it was That could have happened to anybody. Now, the kids in the backseat were going, Dad. There are things we think we're supposed to be confident about and you just need to know that underneath it there is some insecurity. So be kind to us. Be kind, all right? Here's the fourth thing. If we're not winning at whatever we're doing, we're going to quit and find something we can do where we can win.

That That's a board game. That's a job. That's anything in life that if we don't feel like we're winning, we're going to quit doing it and find something where we can win. There's this little TV commercial. It's cute. I think the Scientologists put it on. I could be wrong. Don't hold me. But it it's this cute little TV commercial where this mom's got her little son dressed up in a football uniform that's too big for him. And she says, all right, tiger, come tackle me. And he comes running up to tackle her and he bounces right off and falls down.

And she goes, let's try baseball. And so he's out throwing and he hits the milkman with the baseball. And then she says, how about tennis or soccer and and the he's just no good at anything till the very end when you see this boys choir and the same little kid steps forward and he sings a solo and the mom's in the audience beaming and the song is thank you mom for being my biggest fan, right? Sweet little commercial. But the point is that little kid isn't going to keep playing football if he keeps bouncing off mom.

He's not going to keep playing tennis if he's having to run from the ball. He'll find something he's good at and then he'll lock in on that. Boys are more like this than girls are. Girls don't have to be good as long as there are other girls they can be friends with who are equally bad at it. Right? And if you can just sit around and talk while you're bad at it, that's okay. You know, you you'll have this knitting circle, right? And none of you are any good at knitting and you make potholders and that stuff and that's fine.

You don't care cuz you just have fun talking, right? So you can't wait for knitting class. A guy would go crazy. If we're not good at it, we're not going to keep doing it. Now, guys a lot of guys one of the reasons they like their job and they become workaholics is because people at work validate what they do cuz the boss comes up and goes, man, that was great. You did great. That presentation was great. You made that sale. Way to go. Hey, did you guys all hear what Jeff did? Way to go, Jeff.

A guy will go back to work for that tomorrow. And when he gets home Okay, I don't need to say anymore, do I? The the the kids aren't coming up and saying, hey, dad, man, you rock as a dad. Well, you know, what you shared at dinner tonight when you you shared that wisdom, that was so wise, dad. Wow. And so a lot of men follow me on this. A lot of men look at marriage and family and go, I'm just going to quit doing that cuz I'm only going to do stuff I'm I'm going to win at.

I'll go play golf on Saturday cuz I'm good at that. Sticking around the house and helping with chores I'm not good at that. Uh trying to help with the kids my wife's told me I'm not good at that. So I'll just have a hobby instead, something I'm good at. You just need to know And And this part of this leads to what I'm going to say is number five. You just you just need to know that we And And I'm not Look, I'm not saying we're right about this. I'm not saying that You understand this is all broken people in the fall I'm talking about, right?

I'm not saying, well, guys, you need to coddle them because they're just just only make them do things they're good I'm not saying that at all. But here's what I am saying. Every man needs his wife to be a cheerleader. His number one fan and cheerleader. Robin McGraw Elvi, who is a pastor's wife in Nashville, speaks at our weekend to remember marriage conferences. And she was a cheerleader in high school. By her own admission, she was a cheerleader for a team that was a pretty bad team. The team did not win many games. And she said there were a lot of fourth quarters in those basketball games where we are out cheering our hearts out for what is obviously going to be a losing effort.

And when the game is over, we gather around the guys and we affirm them as that our team Nice try, guys. Way to go. You played your hearts out out there. You'll win next time. She said that's what we did as cheerleaders. Then she turns to the women at our conference. She said, ladies, when you put on your wedding dress, it was a cheerleader outfit that you were putting on. It's a profound picture because if men are going to quit doing what they're not good at, what they need is someone who will come along and cheer them on even when things aren't going well, even when it's the fourth quarter.

That doesn't mean you lie. That doesn't mean you call something true that's not true. You don't go to your husband and say, oh, I thought you did it really well if he didn't. But you can still cheer him on in a losing effort. Say, you'll get it next time. That's all right. You can do this. Dennis Rainey, if he were here, would tell you that it was Barbara's believing in him and affirming him that unleashed him to run a ministry and to do everything he's done. And I would tell you that every time I get done speaking any place, I'll have people who come up and say, that was so helpful.

Thanks so nice. Thanks. That's fine, but I go straight to Mary Ann. So how'd I do? How'd I do? And Mary Ann is great at offering helpful, constructive criticism which I want and need. But she's also great at saying you did great. And I don't care what the rest of you think at all. When she says you did great, I just go, yeah. Yeah. I'm a man, right? Just telling you ladies, there's power that you have in going to your husband saying, sweetheart, that was awesome. He just goes, it was? We need a cheerleader. We need to know you're on our team.

We need to know you love us and you're going to stay with us no matter what. We need to know that you want to be a part of the solution if there's a problem, that you're cheering us on, that you're not there to point out what's wrong, but you want to be a part of the solution. How can I help? We're back to that. And we need to know this. Listen. I'm going to start meddling here. We need to know that you're not trying to use our relationship as a way to control or manipulate us.

What do I mean by that? I mean that I have observed in wives a withdrawal of affection and approval as a way to try to correct a parent or a spouse's behavior. I'm going to just withdraw my affection or my approval until you start acting the way I want you to act.

Dana Gresh: That's the chairman of our board here at Revive Our Hearts, Bob Le Piene. And wasn't it great to hear him quoting my dear friend Robin McGraw Elvi? You may remember Robin from our videocast Grounded. What a joy and a light she is. Well, Bob was trying to help us get into the minds of men to have better understanding and to abound in grace for them. I hope you feel like you just got the inside scoop. I mean, here's a man telling us how we as women can encourage true masculinity in the men we love. And what you just heard is part of a larger series titled what your husband wishes you knew about being his wife.

We'll link to that in the transcript at reviveourhearts.com. As we fixed our eyes on Jesus together this October, I hope you've come to desire his presence more and more. Nancy's newest Advent devotional invites you to sit with him in the midst of a busy season, remembering who he is and what he's done. You can still get your copy when you make a donation of any amount. It's our way of saying thank you. Give and request consider Jesus at reviveourhearts.com or call us at 1-800-569-5959. Tomorrow we're fixing our eyes on Christ, the head of the church.

Because he is the head, we've got to be part of the body, right? I mean, we can't live the Christian life on our own. We're talking about that tomorrow and we're not going to dodge the hard questions. One of those is how do I show up when church hurts? If you've ever asked that out loud or in your heart, this episode is for you. Please be back for Revive Our Hearts. This program is a listener-supported production of Revive Our Hearts in Niles, Michigan, calling women to freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness in Christ.