Trusting God When He Doesn’t Answer Your Prayers – I
Do you ever wonder, “What’s the point of praying if my prayers go unanswered?” Dr. Erwin Lutzer shares an encouraging message on how to trust God during seasons of silence in your prayer life. It will inspire you to find hope and strengthen your faith in Him…even when answers don’t come right away.
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Dr. Erwin Lutzer: I want to say to everyone today, bring your doubts to God. You have questions, you have doubts, you have mysteries, bring it to God.
John Fuller: Dr. Erwin Lutzer is with us today on Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. I'm John Fuller and today we're going to be diving into a topic that every believer wrestles with at some point, and that is prayer. Stay with us for some great biblical insights and heart on this topic.
Jim Daly: Frequently, Christians and non-Christians will explore prayer. They'll ask themselves why do we do it? Does it really matter? Is God really there? Does He hear? Does He answer? We're going to explore those tension points, and sometimes there's non-tension points as well.
I remember playing football in high school, didn't know whether I wanted to do college ball. I got scholarship offers and I knelt down and prayed in that visiting locker room at Big Bear, California. I said, "Lord, if You don't want me to play college ball, break a bone today but don't let it hurt." Third quarter of that game, my collarbone got snapped in half. It didn't hurt. I said, "I'm going to take that as an answer to prayer."
As a 17-year-old boy, that was just the Lord's way of saying I heard you, I'm with you, you want an answer, here it is. That was a very direct answer to prayer that I received. Sometimes it's going to happen like that, sometimes it won't. We want to help you think about why today with a very special guest.
John Fuller: I've got friends right now who are dealing with really deep difficulties in life and God doesn't seem to be answering the way they want or right away. We're going to be talking about those kinds of circumstances as well. Dr. Erwin Lutzer is a theologian and pastor emeritus of the Moody Church in Chicago. He served there for 36 years as senior pastor.
He's on three radio programs with a thousand different outlets in the US and internationally and online. He's authored more than 70 books. We're so pleased to have him here to talk about this one called *Why Doesn't God Answer My Prayers? A Biblical Guide to God's Hidden Purposes*.
Jim Daly: Dr. Lutzer, welcome back. It's always good to have you here.
Dr. Erwin Lutzer: So glad to be with you today, Jim. We're going to be talking about a topic namely: why doesn't God answer our prayers? Now, I'm sure that this is your experience, it's been mine where so many people deconstruct from the Christian faith because they pray something, they're in desperation, God doesn't seem to answer and so they say, to quote the words of one man, "God isn't worth a nickel to me."
We're going to help people to understand that God has hidden purposes and we're going to use some biblical examples to help them to process, as all of us need to, the whole issue of unanswered prayer.
Jim Daly: On the one hand, that reality is good that people can express that. You can express it to the Lord. He's big enough to hear your concerns and your complaints, but far better to figure this out so that your expectations don't lead to a disconnection. You think, "Why doesn't God answer my prayer or every prayer?" You had an acquaintance who didn't want to attend a prayer meeting who was afraid that God wouldn't answer his prayer.
Dr. Erwin Lutzer: They prayed for their pastor. They had an all-night prayer meeting and this woman said, "If God didn't answer all those prayers, I'm leaving Christianity." She is a Christian and she'll probably come back, but the deep disappointment in God, which is what we're going to be talking about, is everywhere.
For example, when it comes to healing, people frequently pray that they will be healed as the example is that I've just given and God doesn't come through. They are deeply disappointed and oftentimes it erodes their faith and they stop praying about anything.
Jim Daly: Well let's build the framework here. How would you describe the purpose of prayer?
Dr. Erwin Lutzer: That's an excellent question. The purpose of prayer is to get us beyond our requests to fellowship with God. That's one of the mistakes that is often made. We treat God like a slot machine. I need this, I need that, but ultimately, why is it that we have so many needs?
The answer is to bring us into God's presence and to help us all to understand that we have a greater need for God and His presence than we do the answers to our prayers.
Jim Daly: Let me ask you this because you go back 2,000 years and what the early Christians were dealing with. So many creature comforts that didn't exist. Indoor plumbing, just simple things. It seems to me that most of those prayers were around physical need. People couldn't walk, people couldn't see, people couldn't hear.
The Lord along with the disciples and those around Him were able to pray for people and obviously, the Book of Acts is full of stories where people were made whole. In today's environment, it feels like the needs are met, but we have a certain higher self-orientation. You mentioned it as a slot machine, so we're just playing this kind of thing with the Lord where we want more or better or something that brings us greater comfort. That's not the healthiest place spiritually to be.
Dr. Erwin Lutzer: In the Book of Acts of course, these miracles occurred because they were done by the apostles. Later on throughout church history, you don't see the same miracles. But in answer to your question, Jim, many people treat prayer like they do an oxygen mask on an airplane.
When we flew here from Chicago, we didn't need the oxygen mask for which we were grateful, but we were glad that it was there. Many people say, "Well now we're in trouble, now we need God." Yes you do, but actually, it's deeper than that.
You have to understand that your fellowship with God has to continue despite the disappointment. People can spill out their hurt before God. God can take it. It's oftentimes at the end of our rope when we tell God what we think of Him, and do it reverently hopefully, that God begins to pour grace into our souls and we experience His presence.
Jim Daly: That's so good to remember and I think that point of relationship is the key. We're created for relationship, so the evidence of that prayer life is to be in relationship with God. We're going to get into so much of that. How can we embrace the mystery of prayer? Prayer is rather a mystery. Yes sometimes, no often. What is the mystery of prayer?
Dr. Erwin Lutzer: I'm thinking of the early apostles and those who suffered for their faith. I'm sure that before they were burned at the stake or they were taken and crucified as Peter was, they were probably praying for deliverance. But here's the key. There's a difference between asking God for specific things and committing ourselves to God.
I believe that there are many people who are listening right now who are going to find a change in their lives when they finally give their request to God and commit those requests to God, not demanding a certain answer, but being willing to receive whatever He gives them. That's an important lesson for us to learn. They didn't always get the answer to their prayers either.
We have to understand none of us can comprehend the mystery that you referred to because back behind God, so to speak, He's working things that we don't see and that's where faith comes in. Bring your doubts to God. You have questions, you have doubts, you have mysteries, bring it to God. It's not wrong to doubt if you're an honest doubter. Dishonest doubters, that's a different thing.
Jim Daly: In that, the end of that is critically important that God's purposes may not be known to us. He had a purpose for John.
Dr. Erwin Lutzer: Oh, and Jim, we're going to be giving some illustrations of that.
Jim Daly: Before you move on, what was Jesus's assurance to John there in the prison cell? What did He send back as a message?
Dr. Erwin Lutzer: He sent back a message about the fact that miracles were being done and then Jesus said blessed are those who are not offended because of me. If I could give a very contemporary response to that, it would be blessed are those who are not upset with the way I run my business.
Jim Daly: The way I run the shop. That's funny but accurate. I think that's the whole point. So much of this life mirrors what God's trying to teach us in a spiritual context. You have marriage. What's the biggest issue in marriage typically? Expectations that are unmet. What I expect of my spouse and then you spend a lifetime better understanding what the relationship should be. It is exactly the same thing with our relationship with the Lord. What are our expectations and what should be the proper healthy expectations of our relationship with the Lord?
Dr. Erwin Lutzer: Blessed are those who have no reason to believe that's visible but yet they keep believing. That is indeed the height of faith.
Jim Daly: That's everyone of us that have proclaimed Christ are in that category in this century. We have to look back 2,000 years when He walked and say, "I believe. I believe He's the Messiah, I believe He did everything He said, I believe the word of God is true and right." You had a great story in the book about a man you called Ted who wrote a letter about his unanswered prayers. Share that story.
Dr. Erwin Lutzer: This is so critical to many people listening. Ted was listening to a word of faith evangelist who said that if you believe God, He'll give you money. That's the essence of it and there are many who teach that thing. Ted tried it. He's a believer, he's in prison, but he's trusting God both for health because he had some health issues and for money and none of it came to pass.
He writes and says, "What's wrong?" I answered, but here's the point. I want to speak about healing since that's oftentimes a pressure point for people. Is healing in the atonement? Yes, of course, Jesus died for us body, soul, and spirit. But we don't get our complete inheritance in this life.
Jesus also came to abolish death and that hasn't happened. Yes, there's physical healing that we shall receive, but we can't insist on it now. Even faith healers who teach that you can have whatever you want if you have faith, they end up dying. What we need to do is to understand that you can name it but you can't always claim it.
Jim Daly: I appreciate that. One of the things that can be complicating for a nonbeliever or a new believer and probably some mature believers is this idea of God's omniscience. He knows. He knows the day we're going to die. He knows the number of hairs on our head. That's pretty profound. The point is He knows everything. But in that context, if He already knows everything in that way, is prayer really there to move Him?
Dr. Erwin Lutzer: Jim, let's go back to Jesus and the Sermon on the Mount. Jesus says this, "When you pray, don't use repetition like the heathen do for your Father knows in advance what you need." And then what's the next thing out of His mouth? "When you pray, pray thus. Our Father who art in heaven..." and you end up with "give us this day our daily bread." Jesus acknowledged both. On the one hand, God knows exactly what we need, on the other hand, we're to ask for it and we have to embrace that mystery.
John Fuller: We're talking about the essence of the Christian walk and what it means to fellowship with God in prayer and the mysteriousness of God's nature and this whole process of prayer. Get a copy of this terrific resource from Dr. Erwin Lutzer. It covers so much about prayer. The title is *Why Doesn't God Answer My Prayers?* and you or someone you know needs this book. We have it here at the ministry and you'll find the link to get your copy of this book at FocusontheFamily.com/broadcast.
We've really centered on individual prayers but there's an element of corporate prayer that I think a lot of us don't experience because many in the Christian community are just going solo. How important is that and why?
Dr. Erwin Lutzer: Why should we pray with one another? It's so important that we not only individually connect with God, but even as a corporate group, as a church. What God wants to do is to help us to understand number one, we can't face life alone. It should be done in the company of other believers as we run the race of life. We run together.
The other thing is it's so important for us to understand that we need the support of other believers in the midst of our distress. Do you remember Jesus in Gethsemane said to Peter, James, and John, "Come and watch with me." Now they blew it because they slept, but the point is even Jesus said, "I need people around me."
I remember a woman who was divorced and her husband actually kidnapped the child. Terrible situation. And she said, "I'm praying about it." I said, "Do you have other believers to pray with you?" She said, "No I don't." I said, "You have to have that. You have to have people who sympathize with you, people who believe along with you because we are after all one body." That's why I think corporate prayer is so important and one of my burdens as a pastor is to know the number of churches that no longer have prayer meetings. I think that's a tragedy.
Jim Daly: So much so. Let's talk about the benefits of prayer and that personal transformation that takes place when we pray. So often we're coaching those around us. We do that here at Focus. Here's how when you're in the heat of a battle in your marriage, here's how to back up, take a deep breath, de-escalate, and approach the problem a little more godly and you'll have a better outcome.
I think prayer is just like that. When you come into prayer and as we lay those burdens on the Lord, we share our burdens with God, something does change our heart and our attitude. What is that change?
Dr. Erwin Lutzer: Jim, this is so critical. We must recognize that oftentimes people who pray, "Lord help me," should be praying, "Lord transform me." They are willing to pray for the Lord's help but not for His transformation. The best example of this comes from the Book of James.
James says you pray and you receive not because you ask amiss that you might consume it on your own lusts. James goes on and tells us exactly how to pray. He says submit yourselves to God. In other words, you're not going to tell God what to do but you do give Him the desires of your heart.
Submit yourselves to God, resist the devil because he's going to want to come after you and destroy your prayer life and then it says humble yourselves in the presence of the Lord and He will raise you up. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. It is not simply asking God for help. Every time we come we should say, "Lord, what is it that You want me to change? What are You trying to say to me?" Because after all, prayer brings about transformation.
Jim Daly: It's a posture, an emotional and spiritual posture before the Lord. Asking God questions is a good place to go. He is the creator of the universe. We talk about standing in front of or being in a meeting with the richest man in the world, Elon Musk. What would you ask him? Okay, let's go up a few notches. The creator of the universe. What are the questions that you have for Him?
Dr. Erwin Lutzer: I believe that we honor God in our worship even though there's a great deal of mystery. As an older man, I spend a great deal of time contemplating God. I can't get my mind around the eternality of God but I meditate and contemplate anyway because I believe that that exalts the Lord.
While I'm on the topic, every morning I recite the same verse. I will bless the Lord at all times, His praise shall continually be in my mouth. That's the way I begin. No matter what's going on around me and sometimes it's good, sometimes I don't see it as being good, but I accept it and I want to bless God anyway.
Jim Daly: Erwin, I want to highlight this. That attitude is all the difference. That's the point. If you're in a bad spot and you're cursing the Lord, and that can be without language, that's more like, "Why would You put me in this spot?" To me, that is a little disrespectful rather than saying, "Lord, I don't understand it, I don't know why I'm in the circumstance, but I'm going to trust You." Those are very different emotions.
Dr. Erwin Lutzer: Blessed is the person who when he doesn't receive from the Lord what he wants, nonetheless continues to worship. In doing that we honor the Lord and that's the means of transformation. God wants to transform us and so prayer is one of the means but it can't be just simply asking God for requests.
Jim Daly: I'm so grateful for the characters in the Bible. Whether that's David or Peter, everybody has their favorite misfit and I say that respectfully because they too were human just like us. Abraham negotiates with the Lord when it comes to Sodom and Gomorrah.
Dr. Erwin Lutzer: Fascinating, the 18th chapter of Genesis. Abraham wants to save Lot and his wife and Lot's daughters. He begins by saying, "God, if You find 50 righteous, will You destroy Sodom and Gomorrah?" God says no. And Abraham goes all the way down to ten and says, "Lord, if there are ten righteous in Sodom and Gomorrah, You won't destroy it will You?" And God says, "No I won't."
Abraham leaves, God leaves. Now the drama begins. He goes home and he speaks to Sarah and, I'm using my imagination here, says, "Sarah, I just spared Sodom and Gomorrah judgment because I got God down to ten. And now let's count them. Well, there's Lot, there's his wife, there's his two daughters, which is four, but they are going to marry some young men and so that's six and probably these young men come from godly parents. There are ten."
The next day Abraham goes out and Sodom and Gomorrah is burning. Obviously he's thinking Lot and his wife and family is not going to be spared. But here's the lesson. God sometimes gives us the desires of our heart, but it doesn't come like we expect it to. He thought that Sodom and Gomorrah would not be burned. But lo and behold it was burned, but Lot and his daughters were rescued. Let's remember God has different ways of answering prayer.
Jim Daly: That is such a good point. Again we get dashed in our expectations of how God will answer a prayer and that's equally important. Right here at the end, Habakkuk is another great example in the Bible of a man who trusted God in tough circumstances. How did he respond to the knowledge that God was sending judgment on Israel? Put that in the context of today. Many Christians believe that kind of judgment is coming to us in America.
Dr. Erwin Lutzer: It is such a blessing. Habakkuk is praying, "God, look at violence, do something." God responds, "I am doing something, I'm bringing the Babylonians to destroy you." And he responds and says, "Oh my, I wish I would never have asked." And God says, "I am doing something, I'm bringing the Babylonians to destroy you."
Habakkuk goes through all of this agony. How is he going to manage this? He's wrestling with the character of God. But then in the end, he begins to praise God because he begins to understand two attributes of God. Number one His sovereignty and His justice, but also His care for His people.
This ends up with Habakkuk's prayer. He says at the end of the book, chapter 3, "I hear my body trembles, my lips quiver at the sound, rottenness enters into my bones, my legs tremble beneath me." He's in fear. "Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stall, yet will I rejoice in the Lord, I will take joy in the God of my salvation. God is my strength, He makes my feet like the deer's, He makes me tread on high places."
If you have a pen or pencil, jot this down. As long as you have a pulse, you still have a praise. Habakkuk proves that. In the year 1700s, there was a man by the name of William Cowper who struggled with suicide. He took the prayer of Habakkuk and in his writing, *Sometimes a Light Surprises*, this is what Habakkuk meant to him:
"Though vine nor fig tree neither their wanted fruit should bear,
though all the fields should wither, nor flocks nor herds be there,
yet God the same abiding His praise shall tune my voice,
for while in Him confiding I cannot but rejoice."
Once again my friend, if you have a pulse, you have a praise.
Jim Daly: In that context, what you're describing is a resiliency of faith and you must as a pastor look around and go how much we need that right now. It doesn't feel like generally we as the church have great resilience of faith. It's like we're weak.
Dr. Erwin Lutzer: We sure are and some of the reasons for this is the fact that many of us live in a country where there's prosperity. When you go to countries where there isn't, you find this kind of faith. But it's very difficult for us to trust God when everything under us falls apart.
Jim Daly: And that's really the ultimate test. When it falls apart, can you maintain your connection to God? That is Paul when he wrote, "In all things I will be content. In all circumstances." Not some, in all. And we seem not to be able to grasp that for ourselves and it's right there.
Dr. Lutzer, this has been fantastic. I know people are being helped in understanding that relationship and their prayer life, attitude toward prayer. Let's come back for a second day and cover more out of your great book, *Why Doesn't God Answer My Prayers?* Probably the number one question in the Christian and the non-Christian community. Can we do it?
Dr. Erwin Lutzer: We can.
Jim Daly: Let's do that and if this is striking a chord with you, which we hope it is. I don't think really most people are satisfied in that prayer life. Get a copy of Dr. Lutzer's book directly from Focus on the Family. What's so good about supporting the ministry, we'll be able to send you the book to say thank you for being part of the ministry and together we can help more people in their Christian journey to be stronger in Christ, better in their marriage, better as a parent, save a baby's life. Why not do that when you get a great resource from us?
John Fuller: In the past 12 months, Jim, we've helped almost 1 million people to grow stronger in their faith. That's what your investment does in Focus on the Family. Donate today. We'll say thanks as Jim noted by sending this wonderful resource. It's rich in so many ways, *Why Doesn't God Answer My Prayers?* You can donate over the phone when you call 800-A-FAMILY, 800-232-6459, or online at FocusontheFamily.com/broadcast.
Thanks for joining us for Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. I'm John Fuller inviting you back next time as we continue the conversation about prayer with Dr. Erwin Lutzer and once again, help you and your family thrive in Christ.
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About Jim Daly
Jim Daly
Jim Daly is President of Focus on the Family. His personal story from orphan to head of an international Christian organization dedicated to helping families thrive demonstrates — as he says — "that no matter how torn up the road has already been, or how pothole-infested it may look ahead, nothing — nothing — is impossible for God."
Daly is author of two books, Finding Home and Stronger. He is also a regular panelist for The Washington Post/Newsweek blog “On Faith.”
Keep up with Daly at www.JimDalyBlog.com.
John Fuller
John Fuller is vice president of Focus on the Family's Audio and New Media division, leading the team that creates and produces more than a dozen different audio programs.
John joined Focus on the Family in 1991 and began co-hosting the daily Focus on the Family radio program in 2001.
John also serves on the board of the National Religious Broadcasters.
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