When Ingredients Aren’t in the Crockpot
October 22, 2020
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But how do you cook stew when some of the ingredients aren’t in the pot?
You’ve heard me say that the best way to cook a stepfamily is with a crockpot. But what if an ingredient isn’t in the crockpot? Say, a child has limited contact or is an adult with their own life and family? Well, you can only cook ingredients when they are in the pot so lower your expectations and take advantage of the time you do have. Remain open even if they are not. It may feel distant for a while, but time has a way of softening ingredients. Just remember you’re not done cooking yet.
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Archives
One way to mature as a person is to stop bragging.
Whether it’s an athlete pounding their chest or someone posting about their latest accomplishment, our world seems to love people who call attention to themselves. Ah, when a four-year-old does that we call it annoying, but for some reason our world calls it swagger. The Bible calls it immaturity. Proverbs 27 says, “Let another praise you, and not your own mouth.” Hey, if someone notices and compliments you on a job well done, great! But don’t’ call attention to yourself, just quietly be Jesus.
October 21, 2020
When I say the word parent, what comes to mind?
The church is a bridge between God’s truth and a fallen world. A new U.S. report reveals that one parent in nearly 20% of married couples has had a child with at least two partners. This creates a variety of complex marriage and parenting situations with half and stepsiblings that is rarely addressed by the church. If you're in ministry, make sure your family training addresses complex families, and you non-traditional parents, ask your church to provide relevant teaching.
October 20, 2020
Most of us are living with the illusion of control.
Proverbs 27 has a sobering reminder: “Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring.” Life can turn on a dime. But honestly, most of us think we control it. I did until my son died and I realized how small and powerless I really am. Hey, if you think you run the world that’s an illusion. People will tell you that your destiny is in your hands and you have what it takes. The Bible reminds you to stay dependent on God and humble about life. It could change in a heartbeat.
October 19, 2020
One of my goals…connecting you to your child’s heart.
I heard from a dad who had listened to a podcast I was on talking about kids, the challenges of divorce, and blended families and it got him wondering if his daughter could relate. So, he asked her. Sure enough, she did. She didn’t really have words for what she was feeling, and he helped her put words on her experience when they talked about it. The conversation and her dad’s empathy made her feel close to him, not alone. Supported, not isolated. Loved, not forgotten.
October 16, 2020
And yet another case of how human wisdom falls short of God’s.
I wrote an article on how cohabitation sets couples up for the very hurt they want to avoid. Amanda responded with the counter-argument: “Divorce teaches you can lose everything, so you want to screen a potential spouse before making a serious commitment.” That sounds reasonable but research shows that cohabiting fosters an inertia in lower commitment couples which creates a false sense of togetherness that causes long-term pain to the partners. God’s wisdom brings the very protection you want.
October 15, 2020
When it comes to protecting our honor, sometimes I think we’ve got it all wrong.
In the movies when someone wants to bait a character into a fight, they call them “Chicken.” Why does that work? I suppose because we think our reputation equals our honor. Proverbs 20 flips that logic on its head. “It is to one’s honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel.” Apparently elevating your self-control is what brings honor, not other people’s opinions. Is that true of you? Let me put it this way, it’s better to be called “Chicken” than for God to call you a “Fool.”
October 14, 2020
Movie theatres project an image on to a screen. Sometimes people project frustrations.
Sometimes you come home from work frustrated and you kick the dog. Other times, we project our feelings onto other relationships. Say a husband feels disrespected by his wife but avoids verbalizing his need but when she speaks to the kids in the same way he rescues them. He assumes they feel the same disrespect he does. The point is, he’s fighting their battle because it’s really his own. You can’t improve your relationship that way. Speak directly to your need, don’t be a projector.
October 13, 2020
Can you imagine being caught behind enemy lines?
On social media I suggested that children who live between homes are like people who hold citizenship in two countries. They belong in each and want peace. In response one follower posted: “If parents only knew how much that would change their child’s life. I’m 43 years old and my parents have been divorced for 37 of them, yet I still feel like I’m behind enemy lines when I visit or speak about the other parent.” Parents and stepparents--forgive and negotiate peaceful relations for everyone.
October 12, 2020
Are you struggling in your marriage? Stay the course.
Many married couples are struggling. Take a lesson from successful stepfamily couples. Research reveals that compared to those who give in to divorce, successful couples do three things. They work hard at communicating well; they persist in problem-solving meaning, when they get stuck they change how they approach the problem till they find a solution; and they deal with their larger family issues, like stepparenting. Hey, this is hard work. Don’t give up. Be an overcomer. Stay the course.
October 9, 2020
The legacy you leave it rooted in the life you live.
We want our kids and grandkids to have it better than us, right? A sobering principle in Scripture suggests that is in part up to us. The Bible points out that idolatrous actions result in consequences to the third and fourth generation. In other words, making money your idol steals a blessing from your descendants and being sexually undisciplined creates an irresponsible generational pattern that gets repeated. The next time you choose selfishness thinking “I’m not hurting anyone,” think again.
October 8, 2020
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Blended & Blessed® is the only one-day live event and livestream just for stepfamily couples, dating couples with kids, and those who care about blended families. Join sites around the globe on April 27th, 2024 as we unpack strategies that are crucial to building unity in your stepfamily. With some of today’s most trusted and respected experts, Blended & Blessed will challenge, inspire, and encourage you.