FamilyLife Blended®

Ron L. Deal

Three Stories to Share

November 20, 2017

Stories make faith come alive.

Family author Ron Rose says one way to pass the baton of faith to your kids is to tell them three types of stories. First, tell them the faith stories of Bible characters. Tell them about Abraham’s faithfulness…and doubt. David’s humility…and pride. Second, tell them your faith story. How you came to Christ and how your faith impacts every-day decisions. And third, talk about the faith journeys of your extended family. Let their lives—good or bad—be living examples of how faith connects to life.

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A stepmom, Linda, sent me an e-mail. I could see her smile in her words.   She said, “I got a big payoff when my husband threw me a 50th birthday party and my stepson, drove six hours to be there.” Then she said, “I got an incredible call from my husband’s oldest daughter away at college. She called to say how much she loved me and was glad that I married her dad. And then she said, ‘Linda, I was so mean to you when I was 15. I’m so sorry. What was that about?’ Then we talked about it light heartedly and ended up having a good laugh.” Wow. Thanks for sharing, Linda.
November 17, 2017
If you want to feel close in your marriage, do things that make you close.   Healthy couples realize that it’s up to them to make day-to-day decisions to protect their time together. I’m talking about talking together. Just the two of you. No cell phones, no kids, no Instagram. Talking about your day, your parenting, your faith. And doing things together helps your closeness, too, especially for couples in stepfamilies. The vast majority of happy couples in blended families have interests that bring them together. The couple that prays and plays together stays together.
November 16, 2017
What, you mean we can eat ham and turkey at Thanksgiving?   Something old, something new, something borrowed, and something…no, I’m not talking about a wedding. I’m talking about the holidays for stepfamilies. One of the challenges for stepfamilies is combining traditions. Be flexible and keep something old, make something new, and borrow from each other till you find something that works. In other words, you might eat ham and turkey for Thanksgiving. There’s no one right answer. Be considerate of each other, talk, compromise, and ask for God’s wisdom.
November 15, 2017
You know, sometimes the best thing you can do with the Bible, is live it.   Ask yourself as you listen to Colossians 3 how to live out these words today in your own home. “…clothe yourselves for compassion, perhaps for a friend. Kindness, in a relationship. Gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts and be thankful.” 
November 14, 2017
So what do you think, do we grieve well?   First, no, we don’t grieve well as a society. It’s un-American to sit in our sorrow. And second, we think we have dealt with the past. That’s one reason people marry quickly again after a divorce or being widowed only to discover that grief is waiting for them on the other side of the wedding and the kids are grieving, too. And, now are resentful of your quick turnaround marriage. Look, grief needs your full attention. Don’t act like it doesn’t. 
November 13, 2017
Courage means a strong desire to live taking the form of readiness to die.   Throughout history, men and women of great courage have adopted the readiness to die in order that others might live. In a different kind of battle, I see people displaying the readiness to die to self in order that others might live. Many sacrifice their personal desires on a daily basis in order to serve one another. Parents and stepparents fight for the well-being of their children. This Veteran’s Day let’s celebrate both those who have fought for our country and those who fight for our homes.
November 10, 2017
Parenting over the long haul is tough. Stepparenting is really tough.   Not all stepparents feel like their job is tough, but clearly, on the whole, if you listen to stepparents you’ll see they have many challenges and they also have fewer rewards. Biological parents have challenges, too, but on a regular basis they also enjoy sweet, positive moments with their kids: a sincere “thank you” or a teachable moment that brings them together. Stepparents enjoy these kinds of moments, too, but far less often. And, that’s why stepparents need a really big hug.
November 9, 2017
Were there any rituals at your wedding?   Many modern stepfamily weddings include the Blending of the Family Sands ceremony in which each adult and child pours a vase of sand into a larger vase signifying the new family. The sand symbolizes the couple's journey into love, but it’s just the beginning for the kids and the entire family. The ceremony doesn’t create familyness…life does. Remain dedicated to the process of merging your sand while you embrace your evolving mosaic as a family. Pour yourself in and trust God with the process.
November 8, 2017
When the road gets long, just keep going.   It’s not true for all but some stepfamilies tell me they feel like Moses and the Israelites leaving Egypt for the Promised Land. They left something horrible but it's taking longer to get there than they thought. Besides, they’re carrying baggage and when children slow their progress, they wonder if they should have stayed in Egypt. So begins the grumbling and complaining. But I say, like the Israelites, God is leading your journey. In your weariness, trust Him, and He’ll see you through.
November 7, 2017
“Never satisfied are the eyes of man.”   When Proverbs 27 in the Bible says the eyes of people are never satisfied, it is warning us against being hungry for more wealth. But it’s not just wealth you’ll want more of. You’ll want your spouse to be more like your friend’s spouse. Of course, you don’t know what life is really like on the inside. This could be said about your children, your job, or your clothes. Eyes that are never satisfied are blinded by envy and jealousy. Find joy in what you have and trust God for what you really need.
November 6, 2017
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About FamilyLife Blended®

FamilyLife Blended® provides  biblically-based resources that help prevent re-divorce, strengthen stepfamilies, and help break the generational cycle of divorce.

About Ron L. Deal

Ron L. Deal is the Director of blended family ministries at FamilyLife®, and is the author/coauthor of the books The Smart StepfamilyThe Smart Stepdad, The Smart Stepmom, Dating and the Single Parent, and The Remarriage Checkup. Ron voices the FamilyLife Blended short feature and is one of the most widely read authors on stepfamily living in the country. He is a licensed marriage and family therapist who frequently appears in the national media, including FamilyLife Today® and Focus on the Family, and he conducts marriage and family seminars around the countryRon and his wife, Nan, have been married since 1986 and have three boys.

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