Stepparents & the Law 2
May 27, 2020
00:00
You may have a deep bond with your stepchild, but you can’t give permission for a dental cleaning.
Family law in the U.S. says a child can only have two parents. So, outside of legally adopting a stepchild, stepparents of 15 years have fewer rights than foster parents of a couple of weeks. And, if you want to leave your stepchildren an inheritance, you better have a will because intestacy and probate laws don’t recognize them as valid recipients. What’s the point? When it comes to stepfamilies and the law, don’t make any assumptions.
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Blended & Blessed® is the only one-day live event and livestream just for stepfamily couples, dating couples with kids, and those who care about blended families. Join sites around the globe on April 27th, 2024 as we unpack strategies that are crucial to building unity in your stepfamily. With some of today’s most trusted and respected experts, Blended & Blessed will challenge, inspire, and encourage you.
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We expect the law to protect the rights of family members. Sometimes, it doesn’t.
Luis called with a lot of distress in his voice. “My wife of 12 years just died and I’m being told that my stepchildren, whom I love dearly, won’t be able to live with me anymore. As far as I’m concerned, I’m their father, but I’ve learned I have no legal rights to them.” It’s true. Family law protects the rights and responsibilities of married couples and biological and adoptive parents, but not stepparents. This is often a big surprise to blended families. Talk about it and plan for it.
May 26, 2020
Mom always said there would be days like these.
Days like what? Days when you’re discouraged. Like before marriage we notice the best about the other person and then after we notice the bad and we get discouraged. Maybe it would help to keep a list of positive things—notes to self, if you will. Things that lift your spirit—an encouraging note from a friend, a positive story about your spouse, or reminders about the good times with your stepchildren. Simple reminders that life’s not all that bad and God is still working. Good idea.
May 25, 2020
Sometimes, make-believe tells us a lot about real life.
In the first role-play scenario I ask a mom and dad to enter their house and discover a messy kitchen. The kids had good intentions but left a mess. Then we replay the scenario and I make only one change: a parent and a stepparent enter the house. It’s amazing how different the situation plays out the second time. Instead of being united and asking the kids to clean up, the parents turn on each other. Sound familiar? Blended families, we can teach you why this happens and how to stand together.
May 22, 2020
Have you ever run down the road only to discover, it’s a dead end?
The book of Proverbs in the Bible repeats twice—word for word—this observation. “There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.” There are many dead-end roads. Many blended families begin because someone did what seemed right to them and it destroyed a family. And later on, they picked up the pieces and started another one but what do you do now? Stop running down your own dead-end road. Rest in God’s forgiveness and start walking his path.
May 21, 2020
Ron, we can’t start a stepfamily Bible class or small group—we don’t have all the answers.
The good news is you don’t need to know all the answers. You’ve searched our free online ministry map, but there isn't a group near you. Start your own group! It might be a few couples who meet in your living room or a Sunday School class at church—just get started. You’re halfway there just getting people together. Talk to your pastor. Use a resource that will teach the lesson for you and facilitate the conversation. Then list your group on our searchable map and watch the ministry come alive.
May 20, 2020
Have you ever taken a road trip with friends? Now, that’s good times.
One function of the church is to give us friends and family to share life with. Now in any church family we tend to gravitate to those most like us. Our experience tells us that couples in blended families really benefit from sharing the road of life with other stepcouples. They get your stories and understand your frustrations. And praying and studying the Scriptures together really helps. FamilyLife Blended wants to help you start or find a group. Our free searchable map will make it easy.
May 19, 2020
You know, when you shoot par for the course, you’re doing pretty good.
Jennifer was worried about the different levels of openness her kids felt toward their stepfather of four years. She wondered if it was normal. Part of her problem was comparing her blended family to a first-family where it’s normal for kids to generally feel the same about their parent. But in a stepfamily, this is normal. The kids don’t have to feel the same; just let each relationship stand on its own. Yep, this is par for the stepfamily course which means you’re doing okay.
May 18, 2020
Travel to a foreign land and you’ll realize what you consider normal.
Crossing cultures helps you recognize that you take language, society, and relationships for granted. And other people, who have a different normal, have a hard time understanding you. The same thing applies in different types of families. If you live in a blended family find others who also live in a stepfamily. Talk about life with those in a first family and you might end up feeling abnormal. Find others who also live in Stepfamily-land and you might discover your family is pretty normal.
May 15, 2020
Hey parents, you can’t have it both ways.
Have you ever received a double message? Like when a friend tells you it’s okay that you didn’t call them, but then is mad that you didn’t call them. One trap in stepfamily parenting is when the biological parent clearly wants the stepparent to be a part of the parenting process, but then undercuts their authority and decisions. This is confusing and defeating to the stepparent. Either they are part of the team or they are not a part of your life. I suggest you make them part of the team.
May 14, 2020
Stepfamilies have a few financial landmines: don’t step on them.
According to Patricia Estess, the first landmine is relying too heavily on a former spouse for child support. Being dependent makes you vulnerable. The second is skimping on the new family and spending on the old. Throwing money at your kids won’t erase guilt or make up for lost time. Honor all your commitments equally. And third, don't have two different financial standards. Share your resources and treat everyone the same. When it comes to monetary landmines in stepfamilies, step around them.
May 13, 2020
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Featured Offer
Blended & Blessed®
Blended & Blessed® is the only one-day live event and livestream just for stepfamily couples, dating couples with kids, and those who care about blended families. Join sites around the globe on April 27th, 2024 as we unpack strategies that are crucial to building unity in your stepfamily. With some of today’s most trusted and respected experts, Blended & Blessed will challenge, inspire, and encourage you.