Stepparent: Do’s and Don’ts 1
December 10, 2019
00:00
Less than half of engaged couples with kids discuss how they’re going to parent those kids after the wedding. Hey, that’s not a good idea.
It's vital to have a plan so here are practical do’s and don’ts for stepparents. Do strive for unity in your parenting with the biological parent. Discuss your values, expectations, the boundaries you want to set, and the consequences you’ll implement if the rules are broken. Don’t be harsh or punish in a way that the biological parent wouldn’t. And, do deepen your relationship with the children no matter their age. Relationship adds to your leadership and influence in the family.
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Blended & Blessed® is the only one-day live event and livestream just for stepfamily couples, dating couples with kids, and those who care about blended families. Join sites around the globe on April 27th, 2024 as we unpack strategies that are crucial to building unity in your stepfamily. With some of today’s most trusted and respected experts, Blended & Blessed will challenge, inspire, and encourage you.
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Here’s a holiday inspired tip for parents and stepparents: when you make Christmas cookies this year, remember, there’s no cookie cutter kids.
Our family enjoys making Christmas cookies. Each cookie cutter makes cookies that all look alike. My wife pointed out to me one day that our three boys are not alike in their preferences, natural strengths, or temperament. So we shouldn’t expect to parent them the same. No, our jobs as parents is to discover their God-given uniqueness, celebrate it, and fan it into flame with everything we’ve got. Yeah, when it comes to kids—Throw away the cookie cutters for each has its own unique shape.
December 9, 2019
Holiday pictures should have everyone in the frame, right? But sometimes they don’t.
Someone is missing from the family portrait. Whether by death or by divorce the joy of the season is dampened by sadness. For many stepfamilies, someone is at the other home instead of at the dinner table. Or tension between family members reminds them that they aren’t quite the family they want to be. Be reminded this Christmas that the mercy of Christ helps us love in spite of tension. Nothing is impossible with God. Humble beginnings and impractical circumstances are not beyond Him.
December 6, 2019
Well, the old adage is true: Rules without relationship leads to rebellion.
Where does that leave a foster parent, an adoptive parent, or stepparent? You can have authority without a bonded relationship. But it has limits. A police officer can pull you over, a boss or coach or a teacher can tell you what to do, but people don’t obey these authorities out of love. That’s why it’s critical a new stepparent know their limits. Focus on bonding with kids and work with the biological parent on setting the household rules. Stand together and you can enforce those rules.
December 5, 2019
Co-Parents: If you really want to bless your children, here’s a quality to strive for.
Surrounded by four children (two hers and two his), I asked Kay how she was able to cope with between home pressures at the holidays. Kay said, “Well, I learned early on that letting the other home have the kids on Christmas Day was not only a gift to my kids, but to myself. I realized that giving them that time helped both homes enjoy the holidays more.” Kay learned to be flexible. That’s rarely an easy thing to do. I’m quite sure she was disappointed that first Christmas but what a blessing.
December 4, 2019
Are you dancing the dance of want?
Remember getting a crush on someone, but you didn’t know if they were also interested so you acted coy and tried to find out if they wanted to be wanted by you. That’s the dance of want. The first date was great and you hoped for another, but do they? After dating for months, you’re thinking of marriage, but are they? This dance can make you insecure and withhold yourself. But that gets you nowhere. Love first. Give first. Sacrifice first. Live out of your want first.
December 3, 2019
Mom…Dad…are you holding your kids hostage?
Did you hear about the pastor whose sermon was disrupted by a would-be robber who held a gun to a woman’s head? He tackled and disarmed him. Well, a lot of Christian co-parents are holding their own kids hostage. Parents when you keep the kids at your house an extra hour or speak poorly about the other home or fail to pay your part of a bill—you are emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually holding your kids hostage. Look, this is not about you. Put the gun down and let the hostage go.
December 2, 2019
I don’t know. It just doesn’t feel like home anymore.
A 35 year-old woman said this as she reflected on her holiday family visit. She went to her childhood home but because her dad married after her mom’s death he was preoccupied with his new wife and her family. All of that made home feel foreign. Changes to family traditions can make children and teens feel that way, too. That's why parents should keep some traditions. Also, acknowledge that change is hard. Talk about it. Remind them that what hasn’t changed is your love for them.
November 29, 2019
Thanksgiving! No, I mean, thanks for giving.
Did you know there’s a cycle of gratitude? When you’re grateful for all God has done it changes how you act towards others. A little of your thankfulness can’t help but spill over to others. Then as 2 Corinthians 9 tells us, your generosity results in them giving thanks to God. Men will “praise God” because of your obedience and the grace of God evident within you. So, your thankfulness to God produces kindness toward others which produces in them gratitude towards God. Nice. Happy Thanksgiving!
November 28, 2019
Hey Ron, what’s the best way to tell my kids I’m getting married?
What you’re really asking is, “How do I announce an engagement and ensure my kids will be happy about it?” Ah, how to sum up the entire book Dating and the Single Parent. Well, you can't guarantee their happiness. Whether young or old, how children react is up to them. What you can do is be calm and matter of fact. Tell them when, where, how, and what it means for them. Then listen to their response. Most importantly, reassure them you still love and are committed to them and always will be.
November 27, 2019
You know, sometimes members of a stepfamily are confused about what to call each other.
When you marry into a family you have to figure out what to call extended family members. Sometimes you call your mother-in-law Mom, and sometimes you don’t. Well, the same is true for blended families. The trick is figuring it out together. Ask things like, “How would you like to be introduced in public or with friends?” And, “At home, what term is most comfortable for you?” These questions will help you honor one another’s preferences which ultimately makes you feel more like family.
November 26, 2019
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Blended & Blessed®
Blended & Blessed® is the only one-day live event and livestream just for stepfamily couples, dating couples with kids, and those who care about blended families. Join sites around the globe on April 27th, 2024 as we unpack strategies that are crucial to building unity in your stepfamily. With some of today’s most trusted and respected experts, Blended & Blessed will challenge, inspire, and encourage you.