Separate Accounts?
April 3, 2018
00:00
In marriage, is “separate” ever okay?
A consumer magazine offered this financial advice. “Consider separate accounts for your expenses that are all your own.” They were talking to blended family couples and encouraging separate bank accounts. But that creates a trust issue doesn’t it? One man said, “I thought the point of marriage was oneness. How can couples become one if they keep their money separate?” Stepfamily finances are tricky. Consider all the factors, consult with a financial planner, and make a decision together.
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You’ve heard me say it before, “As parents united you stand, but divided they fall.”
Parents who are united in their parenting approach provide more stability and consistency in their home. But, practically, how do you get on the same page if you have different parenting styles? Well, go to a class. Read a book. What has influenced you as a parent? What are your thoughts about discipline, punishment, and encouragement? Write it down so you can be clear. Then share that with your spouse and merge your ideas from there. It’ll take some work, but your kids are worth it.
April 2, 2018
Does my service to God really make a difference?
In 1 Corinthians 15, Paul encouraged the Christians: “…give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain” (NIV). But how could he say that? Paul roots his statement in the resurrection of Christ. Just as all seemed to be lost—but wasn’t—and just as Christ’s body was broken—but then transformed—someday the significance of our work will be realized and our bodies will be changed from mortal to immortal. Be encouraged this Easter weekend!
March 30, 2018
Hey Ron, it just occurred to me: I live in a stepfamily, too.
The latest came from a woman who was born to her married parents, but each of her parents had been married before and brought kids to the marriage. So she lived in a stepfamily. The cool thing is she was in her 40s and once she connected the dots, what we had talked about helped her make sense of her childhood and her extended family today. Blended families are very common. Forty percent of married couples with kids are stepfamilies and one third of Americans are connected to a blended family.
March 29, 2018
You know what DTR is, right? Define the relationship. Well, it’s not just a concept for dating couples.
When a relationship is just beginning defining it can help both sides understand and clarify expectations. Stepparents tell your stepkids you are not trying to replace their biological parent and you respect the special place that parent has in their life. This helps kids relax. Suggest that if they ever feel caught between you and their biological parent they can tell you and you won’t take it personally. Bottom line: you know where you fit and they can love their biological parent freely.
March 28, 2018
Believe it or not, sometimes it’s best not to love best.
Millions have read The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman where he teaches how to best love others by knowing their primary love language. Here’s some wisdom for blended families: if you’re a stepparent and you know your child’s primary love language, it doesn’t mean you should speak it. It’s best to begin with Acts of Service, then Gifts, Words of Affirmation, and then Quality Time and Physical Touch. Progress from the least intrusive language to the most intimate. Watch love come alive.
March 27, 2018
Sometimes in parenting, one parent is a lot more serious about godliness than the other.
When parents agree to live by and teach God’s statues for godliness, children see a consistent message. But sometimes parents don’t see eye to eye and kids get confused. This can happen with a married couple or to parents living in separate homes. Either way, the task for the parent with the higher standard is to be intentional about what you teach and model because both the child and the other parent are watching. Trust God to convict their hearts while you let your light shine brightly.
March 26, 2018
Having a healthy self-esteem is a really good thing. But there’s something much better.
Self-esteem is essentially about accepting yourself and having confidence in your worth and abilities. But God-esteem tells me that I have worth and value beyond compare because of what Christ has done and is doing in me. Now, what if I responded to you as if that was true about me? Well, your critical words wouldn’t hurt quite as bad, my own imperfection wouldn’t cause me so much shame, and your approval wouldn’t be my idol. And in spite of all your failures and mine, I could still love.
March 23, 2018
Research confirms; spending time together is a quality of strong families.
There is a lot of stuff competing for our time. Stepfamilies have even more challenges: children who move between homes, numerous grandparents who want time with the grandkids, parents who move far away, and uninvolved parents. To be a strong family you’ve got to find ways around these barriers. Don’t let smart phones interrupt family dinnertime, but use that same technology to stay in touch during the week. Don’t lose track of time or you might lose track of each other.
March 22, 2018
Do you know why kids have middle names? So, they’ll know when to behave.
Words are empty without action. Proverbs 29:19 nails it: “By mere words a servant is not disciplined, for though he understands, he will not respond.” Kids understand what you want but as long as you argue with them, they don’t have to do it. Stop talking and do something. One of my kids slammed his door in my face. Without a word, I took it off the hinges for three days. No, we can’t control our kids, but we are in charge of their environment. Do something.
March 21, 2018
How do you form a loving relationship with someone who isn’t motivated to love you?
That’s one of the most challenging aspects of bonding in the early years of a blended family. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes everyone in a stepfamily is equally motivated but not always. Kids vary anywhere from high motivation to “who are you and why are you in my way?” If you’re the highly motivated person, you can quickly get discouraged. Draw inspiration from God—who loves everyone despite many of us being distracted and unmotivated to love him. There are no guarantees. Just keep loving.
March 20, 2018
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Featured Offer
Blended & Blessed®
Blended & Blessed® is the only one-day live event and livestream just for stepfamily couples, dating couples with kids, and those who care about blended families. Join sites around the globe on April 27th, 2024 as we unpack strategies that are crucial to building unity in your stepfamily. With some of today’s most trusted and respected experts, Blended & Blessed will challenge, inspire, and encourage you.