Part-time Kids
July 13, 2018
00:00
Hey Ron, what should we expect from the part-time kids in our home?
Some single parent and blended families know it’s tough to balance expectations for kids you have on the weekends or during the summer, especially when you have other children full time. Try and spend focused time with kids who come on the weekends, make time for all the kids to be together, and never show preference in gift-giving or affection. As for chores, you can’t expect a two-day a week child to carry the same load as a child who is there all week but nobody gets a free pass.
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Every couple has conflict. In fact, healthy and unhealthy couples have the same amount of conflict. But what’s different is how they manage it.
Healthy couples are more likely to resolve their arguments. Essentially, they put into practice dozens of disciplines that help them move past the issue. James 3 in the Bible says, "A careless word out of your mouth can be a spark that sets off a forest fire." Not criticizing your spouse, managing your tone, turning down your volume, and listening with openness to understand are disciplines that keep you from setting off a forest fire. Don’t be a fire starter. Be a fire fighter who puts them out!
July 12, 2018
Are you stuck in the past?
We all make mistakes and hopefully we learn from them. But, sometimes it’s hard to live out the lessons learned when you’re still stuck in the mistakes. I hear this occasionally from stepparents who can't allow themselves to invest in their stepchildren. Guilt gets the best of them and they can’t enjoy the present. But we should, as Paul says in Romans 6, count ourselves dead to sin and alive to God through Jesus. Your past is not your present. God’s peace is.
July 11, 2018
Dream weddings don’t always end the way we imagine.
It was a mid-life wedding. But as the couple drove away on their honeymoon his son called him to say that a sister was having an emotional breakdown. And her daughter called her to report that his adult children didn't help with clean up. The couple turned off their cell phones and went on their honeymoon only to return home in her words, “completely unprepared for stepfamily living.” Now, not all blended families begin this way, but if you’re starting “a blend,” we’d love to help you.
July 10, 2018
“Knowing” the future gets in the way of faith.
Maybe you’ve heard about John Kavanaugh’s conversation with Mother Teresa. The famous ethicist asked her to pray he would have clarity about how to spend the rest of his life. Her answer shocked him. “No, I will not do that. Clarity is the last thing you are clinging to and must let go of. I have never had clarity; what I have always had is trust. So I will pray that you trust God.” Knowing short-circuits faith. No knowing forces you to rest in God’s care and that's a much better place to be.
July 9, 2018
I really respected Mike’s honesty. He said, “I just didn’t realize how hard it would be to love my stepdaughter the same as my two kids.”
Stepparents like Mike who catch themselves having to work at their affection for their stepchildren, feel really guilty about it. Actually what I think they notice is the difference between the deep natural affection parents feel toward their biological children and the choosing type of love that grows over time toward adopted kids and stepchildren. Listen, both are love. One may start on the inside and the other on the outside, but both communicate value and worth to a child.
July 6, 2018
You prepare to drive a car, right? So why not prepare to be a family?
You’ve heard me say that a healthy stepfamily is s redemptive organism of God’s grace, but that a fractured stepfamily just adds salt to the wounds. So why is it that most pre-stepfamily couples don’t prepare for life after the wedding? About two-thirds don’t discuss parenting and others don’t prepare the kids for the transition. Preparation is key to starting out right. Visit us online and download our free First Year Survival Guide. Learn what it takes to have a good blend.
July 5, 2018
We are dissolving our political bonds; we are now thirteen United States of America.
That’s what Thomas Jefferson declared on July 4th, 1776. “We,” he said, “…declare that these United Colonies are…Free and Independent States; they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown…” And with that, ties were cut and a country was born. As you celebrate our country’s birthday with those you love share a hot-dog toast to the committed men and women of the U.S. military. Let’s remember, “In God we trust” is how it all started; it’s up to us to keep it there.
July 4, 2018
Hey, sounds like family to me.
“My stepdaughter of 30 years hurt my feelings again. It was minor, but I thought, ‘When is this ever going to change?' I know no family is perfect, but I still think this will get better. It just doesn’t feel like we’re family.” I know it's frustrating that it’s not your definition of what family should be, but it’s family. If it helps, I hear a lot of biological moms feel the same way—“My kids don’t need me anymore.” “My son never calls.” I think maybe you’re more “family” than you realize.
July 3, 2018
Do you always give your best?
Have you ever given someone second best, because you were pressured to do something nice for them? Well, not Jesus. In John 2 in the Bible, we find him at a wedding. When the wine runs out his mom wants him to make more. She knows he can, and she persists. So, he turns water into wine. Good wine! In those situations, I’m tempted to give second best and do it begrudgingly. But not Jesus. He gives the best. Let’s be like this because when grace gives its best, others notice—and they drink it in.
July 2, 2018
Have you ever started into a project and discovered that it was harder than you anticipated? Well, sometimes, relationships are just like that.
Danny had no idea how hard it would be to love his wife. “She has so many emotional scars from her past. We’ve been together for nine years and I’m still trying to find a way around her insecurities.” Maybe you felt frustrated trying to love someone and not knowing how to help heal their scars. I certainly don’t think it’s a one-size-fits-all solution for things like this, but I do think a stubborn grace and steadfast love are two of the things that seem to help a lot.
June 29, 2018
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