Par for the Stepfamily Course
May 18, 2020
00:00
You know, when you shoot par for the course, you’re doing pretty good.
Jennifer was worried about the different levels of openness her kids felt toward their stepfather of four years. She wondered if it was normal. Part of her problem was comparing her blended family to a first-family where it’s normal for kids to generally feel the same about their parent. But in a stepfamily, this is normal. The kids don’t have to feel the same; just let each relationship stand on its own. Yep, this is par for the stepfamily course which means you’re doing okay.
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Blended & Blessed® is the only one-day live event and livestream just for stepfamily couples, dating couples with kids, and those who care about blended families. Join sites around the globe on April 27th, 2024 as we unpack strategies that are crucial to building unity in your stepfamily. With some of today’s most trusted and respected experts, Blended & Blessed will challenge, inspire, and encourage you.
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Travel to a foreign land and you’ll realize what you consider normal.
Crossing cultures helps you recognize that you take language, society, and relationships for granted. And other people, who have a different normal, have a hard time understanding you. The same thing applies in different types of families. If you live in a blended family find others who also live in a stepfamily. Talk about life with those in a first family and you might end up feeling abnormal. Find others who also live in Stepfamily-land and you might discover your family is pretty normal.
May 15, 2020
Hey parents, you can’t have it both ways.
Have you ever received a double message? Like when a friend tells you it’s okay that you didn’t call them, but then is mad that you didn’t call them. One trap in stepfamily parenting is when the biological parent clearly wants the stepparent to be a part of the parenting process, but then undercuts their authority and decisions. This is confusing and defeating to the stepparent. Either they are part of the team or they are not a part of your life. I suggest you make them part of the team.
May 14, 2020
Stepfamilies have a few financial landmines: don’t step on them.
According to Patricia Estess, the first landmine is relying too heavily on a former spouse for child support. Being dependent makes you vulnerable. The second is skimping on the new family and spending on the old. Throwing money at your kids won’t erase guilt or make up for lost time. Honor all your commitments equally. And third, don't have two different financial standards. Share your resources and treat everyone the same. When it comes to monetary landmines in stepfamilies, step around them.
May 13, 2020
Against such things there is no law. (Galatians 5:23)
Have you ever noticed that when we act in accordance to the Spirit of God, no one complains? Who has a problem with people who are kind, loving, and self-controlled? The Bible says no one makes a law against that. Proverbs 16 tells us when we live in ways that please the LORD, even our enemies come to be at peace with us. For some relationships peace is a long rode but there is no better way to order our lives. Here’s how it starts: Let the next thing you do reflect the heart of Christ.
May 12, 2020
Every blended family is a cross-cultural experience.
You’re merging two cultures: Language, traditions and parenting expectations. Like, he always made his kids clean up the toys before coming to dinner. She let her kids clean them up after. So, who’s right? Which style should they adopt as they merge families? Actually, I don’t know. What I can tell you is this: you better end up on the same side as a parenting team. So, talk, negotiate, and share your perspectives then choose a path you can both support. Then, you’ll have the right answer.
May 11, 2020
Okay, ladies. It’s time to stop shooting yourself in the foot.
Cohabitation promises a lot, but delivers very little. Research confirms that cohabiting women are just as committed as married women. And, cohabiting men are not, and they remain less committed. In other words, a cohabiting woman assumes she is in a stable, long-term relationship when really she isn’t. Choosing that—it’s like shooting herself in the foot. Our culture calls cohabitation a safeguard for women. It’s not. Cohabitation creates vulnerability. Don’t listen to the lie. Listen to God.
May 8, 2020
Today let me share reason number 642 why stepparents need a hug.
One stepmom was pleasantly surprised when her two oldest stepdaughters gave her a card on Mother’s Day. It read, “Everyone needs a back-up mom. You’re mine!” What a huge compliment. She was beaming from ear to ear. So, why does she need a hug? Because this stepmom’s other two stepchildren didn’t acknowledge her at all on Mother’s Day. Not a word. So, which is it? Is she accepted or rejected? A part of the family or pushed aside? Ambiguity is a stepparent’s middle name. That’s why they need a hug.
May 7, 2020
When you live like Jesus, you make a difference in someone’s life.
Being Christ-like in our daily lives leaves an indelible mark especially when our actions stand in direct contrast to others. Growing up, Mandy had a Mom and stepmom. Her mom always spoke critically of her dad. She immediately noticed a difference when her stepmom came into her life. She spoke to her dad with respect and warmth and her devotion to him made an intense impression. Today, Mandy is a loving wife because of her obedient stepmom. Does our behavior impact others? You bet it does.
May 6, 2020
You’ve been more of a mom to me than my real mom, so can I call you mom?
Man, you want to talk about music to a stepmom’s ears. That’s it. Can I call you mom? Now here’s the back story. The early years were difficult and hurtful, but this stepmom was determined. She just kept living and loving. And now, 15 years later, at the age of 28 her stepdaughter asked, “Can I call you mom?” Are you still in “difficult and hurtful” today? Hang on. Keep going. Love isn’t done yet.
May 5, 2020
Can you imagine? Telling a parent to abandon their child?
No, you probably can’t. But that’s exactly what this stepmom said to her own husband about his son. I guess she was anxious her son would be shortchanged in the family will. Her exact words were, “Get rid of him.” How awful. That’s exactly what Sarah said to Abraham about his son, Ishmael. And it greatly distressed Abraham. Okay, let’s learn from this. Jealousy and insecurity divide, devour, and destroy family relationships. Pray to get rid of jealousy and ask God for an open, gracious heart.
May 4, 2020
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Featured Offer
Blended & Blessed®
Blended & Blessed® is the only one-day live event and livestream just for stepfamily couples, dating couples with kids, and those who care about blended families. Join sites around the globe on April 27th, 2024 as we unpack strategies that are crucial to building unity in your stepfamily. With some of today’s most trusted and respected experts, Blended & Blessed will challenge, inspire, and encourage you.