Moving the Line
October 28, 2020
00:00
I’m constantly amazed at how we keep moving the morality line. A survey in America examined whether people thought things like flirtatious texting was cheating on your spouse. Opinions varied but what surprised me was how people transformed black and white lines into gray. About 20% of Christians said a one-night stand or ongoing sex with someone other than your spouse was NOT cheating. What? You know what would clear this up. Ask your spouse if they would consider you having a one-night stand cheating. I bet the line is clearly drawn then.
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Archives
Fight, fight! When new siblings don’t get along.
Jessica’s daughter gets along great with her stepsister who’s about the same age, but the older stepsister wants nothing to do with her. And everyone feels the tension. Respond to sibling conflict by helping them resolve the issue, but when one sibling is holding out or mistreating the other coach them toward love. Call them up to decency and generosity and encourage leadership in older siblings. Help them see the opportunity, not the inconvenience, of being a positive influence.
October 27, 2020
Have you ever seen a knife sharpen itself?
To sharpen a knife blade, you need to rub it against what's called a whetstone sharpener. I’m fascinated by people who think they can get sharper by attending church online or going to worship with hundreds of people but never go to a class or small group where they have to actually talk to somebody. To sharpen your life, you have to have interaction. “One man sharpens another,” says Proverbs 27. Surround yourself with people who sharpen your character and you’ll be a sharper disciple of Jesus.
October 26, 2020
Ron, my teenager is boycotting dinner. Should we make her join us?
When a teenager starts protesting something we as parents should both listen and speak. Listen to what they are angry or hurt about. In this case, the father had recently married, and his 17-year-old was taking it pretty hard. But also speak to lead the child with grace. I told the dad, “Tell your daughter she doesn’t have to love her stepmother, but if she wants to eat she needs to show up for dinner with a decent attitude. Meet your daughter half-way and insist that she meet you half-way.”
October 23, 2020
But how do you cook stew when some of the ingredients aren’t in the pot?
You’ve heard me say that the best way to cook a stepfamily is with a crockpot. But what if an ingredient isn’t in the crockpot? Say, a child has limited contact or is an adult with their own life and family? Well, you can only cook ingredients when they are in the pot so lower your expectations and take advantage of the time you do have. Remain open even if they are not. It may feel distant for a while, but time has a way of softening ingredients. Just remember you’re not done cooking yet.
October 22, 2020
One way to mature as a person is to stop bragging.
Whether it’s an athlete pounding their chest or someone posting about their latest accomplishment, our world seems to love people who call attention to themselves. Ah, when a four-year-old does that we call it annoying, but for some reason our world calls it swagger. The Bible calls it immaturity. Proverbs 27 says, “Let another praise you, and not your own mouth.” Hey, if someone notices and compliments you on a job well done, great! But don’t’ call attention to yourself, just quietly be Jesus.
October 21, 2020
When I say the word parent, what comes to mind?
The church is a bridge between God’s truth and a fallen world. A new U.S. report reveals that one parent in nearly 20% of married couples has had a child with at least two partners. This creates a variety of complex marriage and parenting situations with half and stepsiblings that is rarely addressed by the church. If you're in ministry, make sure your family training addresses complex families, and you non-traditional parents, ask your church to provide relevant teaching.
October 20, 2020
Most of us are living with the illusion of control.
Proverbs 27 has a sobering reminder: “Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring.” Life can turn on a dime. But honestly, most of us think we control it. I did until my son died and I realized how small and powerless I really am. Hey, if you think you run the world that’s an illusion. People will tell you that your destiny is in your hands and you have what it takes. The Bible reminds you to stay dependent on God and humble about life. It could change in a heartbeat.
October 19, 2020
One of my goals…connecting you to your child’s heart.
I heard from a dad who had listened to a podcast I was on talking about kids, the challenges of divorce, and blended families and it got him wondering if his daughter could relate. So, he asked her. Sure enough, she did. She didn’t really have words for what she was feeling, and he helped her put words on her experience when they talked about it. The conversation and her dad’s empathy made her feel close to him, not alone. Supported, not isolated. Loved, not forgotten.
October 16, 2020
And yet another case of how human wisdom falls short of God’s.
I wrote an article on how cohabitation sets couples up for the very hurt they want to avoid. Amanda responded with the counter-argument: “Divorce teaches you can lose everything, so you want to screen a potential spouse before making a serious commitment.” That sounds reasonable but research shows that cohabiting fosters an inertia in lower commitment couples which creates a false sense of togetherness that causes long-term pain to the partners. God’s wisdom brings the very protection you want.
October 15, 2020
When it comes to protecting our honor, sometimes I think we’ve got it all wrong.
In the movies when someone wants to bait a character into a fight, they call them “Chicken.” Why does that work? I suppose because we think our reputation equals our honor. Proverbs 20 flips that logic on its head. “It is to one’s honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel.” Apparently elevating your self-control is what brings honor, not other people’s opinions. Is that true of you? Let me put it this way, it’s better to be called “Chicken” than for God to call you a “Fool.”
October 14, 2020
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Blended & Blessed® is the only one-day live event and livestream just for stepfamily couples, dating couples with kids, and those who care about blended families. Join sites around the globe on April 27th, 2024 as we unpack strategies that are crucial to building unity in your stepfamily. With some of today’s most trusted and respected experts, Blended & Blessed will challenge, inspire, and encourage you.