Military: Deployment & Custody
September 4, 2018
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Can you imagine—being deployed in a foreign country and losing your children back home?
Unfortunately, custody changes have happened to our military personnel. But it shouldn’t any more. A law now prevents custody changes from occurring during deployment; it protects you from being taken advantage of. But there still are other things biological parents should think through: Register your custody agreement in your current state and decide how the stepparent should coordinate day-to-day schedules with the other household while you’re deployed. For FamilyLife Blended I’m Ron Deal.
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When the road is blocked, find another way around.
Sometimes schools just don’t know how to include stepparents, but other times you’re being blocked by the child’s other home. So what do you do? Well, stepfamily author Heather Hetchler says, if the road is blocked, go around. Don’t fight the other home for access to the school. Work directly with the school. You might have to provide court papers in order to get access but it’s worth it to be added to school records, email lists, and web portals. Get connected so you can support your child.
September 3, 2018
I’ve got one more tip for dealing with difficult people and it may be the biggest secret weapon of all.
If you find yourself in an ongoing tango with a difficult person, start by noticing your part of the dance. Now, before I say more, I have to tell you this takes a great deal of emotional maturity. It’s real easy to focus on how the other person is acting and diagnose their problems, but you always play a role in any stuck situation. When you try to change a stubborn person, a friend, a child, an ex-spouse, you inadvertently invite resistance from them. By pushing your agenda, you invite them to be the very thing that drives you crazy. Caught in a difficult relationship? Start by changing you.
August 31, 2018
You know that advice I gave you yesterday—about dealing with difficult people. Well, sometimes, you should just ignore it.
Yes, sometimes going the extra mile is the best way to deal with unreasonable, difficult people. But other times, the most loving thing to do is to politely say, “No” to their demands and destructive patterns. Say “No” to a teen’s repeated request to hang out with the wrong crowd, an ex-spouse’s refusal to pay child support or spend time with their kid or a co-worker’s harsh words. There’s a time to speak up for what is right. Will it change the difficult person? I don’t know. When smothered in grace and love, perhaps. But more importantly, it just might change us.
August 30, 2018
Got any difficult people in your life? Yeah, me, too.
Hey, wouldn’t it be nice if everyone were nice? Yeah, it would be great. That’s just not real life. Even more, it’s unreasonable to expect an unreasonable person to become reasonable. You know, what you can do though, is manage yourself. Go the extra mile. Go above and beyond what they deserve and let your servant heart make a strong statement about integrity, humility, and not being self-centered. Who knows, maybe some of it will rub off on them. But even if it doesn’t, you have testified through your actions to the grace of God in your life. And He has taken notice.
August 29, 2018
Your kids and mine…are precious little sinners.
At The Parent’s Summit, family pastor Dave Bondeson said that ultimately sin is the issue for both us as parents and our children. We can change behavior and shape attitudes, but if we don’t deal with the underlying issue of sin, we miss the mark. To help us, Dave suggested we deliberately give others permission to speak into our lives and our parenting journey. We need to love our spouses and friends enough to do this. He said, “It takes gospel-obsessed parents to train gospel-obsessed kids.”
August 28, 2018
Come on; show us what you have.
Mic drop moments show somebody what you can do before dropping the mic and walking off the stage with swag. What’s the point? To impress. Jesus turned down his mic drop moment. The devil invited him to throw himself off the temple to prove he was the Son of God (Luke 4). He basically said, “Jesus, show us what you’ve got.” Jesus replied, Don’t test God. In affect he said, “I know who I am—and I won’t use God to impress you.” Stop trying to impress others. Trust God. You have an audience of one.
August 27, 2018
How do you respond to people who are negative and unfair? Repay them with stubborn goodness.
Carrie called me for some marital counseling. What surprised me was she got my name for her children’s stepmother. Carrie said, “I’ve come to trust her but it didn’t start out that way. When she first married my ex-husband I thought she was the enemy. I was threatened by her. But she has proven herself to be decent and selfless.” Wow, the power of stubborn goodness! If your enemy is hungry and thirsty, says Proverbs 25, give him something to eat and drink and the Lord will reward you.
August 24, 2018
Can you imagine being married to a robot?
A robot once took my order at a restaurant. It catered to my every need. It got me thinking. What if you had a robotic spouse who would always do as you wish? Well, it wouldn’t be real love without free will. All you’d have is an algorithm. What about you? Would you be a better spouse to a robot? I think not. Your selfishness would only increase and so would your lonely, colorless life. No, I think God’s design calling for two people filled with dedication and surrender is a much better plan.
August 23, 2018
So why do you think it was not good for man to be alone?
We all have a need to be seen. To be valued and known. I can know myself and what I’m good at but if I’m not seen by anybody else I remain invisible. In my opinion, people who feel like they can walk through life without friends or a church home are deeply misguided. One way we know who we are is in how we’re reflected in the eyes of others. And in the way we reflect back what we see in those we love. We’re made for community and for family and should do our best to remain connected to both.
August 22, 2018
Because you each love someone the other loves.
When a parent marries in later life, many adult children do not see themselves as stepchildren or think of their parent’s new spouse as a “stepparent.” Technically both are true but practically the adult child doesn’t need another parent figure in their life. The answer: relationship. Now that’ll happen when both the adult stepchild and stepparent open themselves to being friendly. Gradually build your relationship. Because you each love someone the other loves, strive to love each other.
August 21, 2018
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Blended & Blessed® is the only one-day live event and livestream just for stepfamily couples, dating couples with kids, and those who care about blended families. Join sites around the globe on April 27th, 2024 as we unpack strategies that are crucial to building unity in your stepfamily. With some of today’s most trusted and respected experts, Blended & Blessed will challenge, inspire, and encourage you.