Marriage: Redivorcing—Why Do It Twice?
July 14, 2017
00:00
Somebody once said, “Divorce is the gift that keeps on taking.” So why would you want to do it twice?
About one-third of everyone divorcing this year is divorcing a second time. It may be what people choose when they don’t know what else to do, but it’s not what they really want. As it turns out, marriage and the stepfamily that comes with it gets increasingly complex and, therefore, harder to do. People are caught off guard and they quit. The good news is there are solid, practical answers available for the questions stepfamilies ask. You never have to divorce again.
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What would your friends say? That you are quick to react when frustrated or careful to respond?
Proverbs 12 suggests it’s foolish to react when someone annoys us. One poor reaction invites another. Pretty quickly you’ve got an escalating argument. By contrast, the prudent or wise person overlooks an insult. Or they may look beneath the insult and wonder what need this reveals in the person who said it and how they might minister to that need. In blended families, when emotions are running high, this kind of wisdom goes a long way toward bridging gaps and healing hearts.
July 13, 2017
“Yeah, Ron, I’m an only child who has seven brothers and sisters.”
He explained he has seven half brothers and sisters but he is the only child born to his parents. A large percentage of Americans were raised in complex families and to them here is nothing strange about it. This gets them ready for God’s family. Born into different cultures, races, and sociological backgrounds we all get adopted into God’s family. As with complex families, in the church we have family members we don’t know well, don’t agree with, and some we don’t like. But they are all family.
July 12, 2017
Parting words, for all of us.
I shared these parting words with my son the day he moved out. Fix your eyes on Jesus. Knowing and seeing him more clearly is the path to becoming like him. Guard your heart. Choose your friends with care and manage what you allow into your mind. Those things will influence your heart. Make space for quiet; daily turn off the media, be still, and know that he is God. And finally, be a leader. The world is one big herd following the latest craze. Stand out from the herd and lead those around you.
July 11, 2017
What would you say to your younger self?
On our 31st wedding anniversary I wondered what I would say to my younger self about marriage. I realized I probably wasted 15 years thinking more about my wife's behavior than mine. But things got better for us when I looked in the mirror and measured myself by Christ’s example of love. By focusing on me, I was able to change the only person I was able to change. When I did, it softly invited her to do the same and in changing ourselves we made far more progress than trying to change the other.
July 10, 2017
One day we have to give them back.
When my son moved out I was excited he was chasing his dream, but during the drive to his new home I had a jumbled up mix of emotions: sadness, thrill, worry, and guilt. That’s when my prayers that God would lead him grew more intense. I did my best to prepare him, but is our best as parents ever enough? I don’t think so. We’ve heard that children are a gift from the Lord that one day we must give back. But here’s the thing, the “giving back” starts the day we get them. Make the most of today.
July 7, 2017
Ghosts are scary.
“Ron, my ghost says my second husband will abandon me like my first one did; I won’t be enough for him; and he will always consider the mother of his children his first concern.” Ghosts make us fearful that we are second. But when do you start counting? This woman thought his first wife was his first love but maybe his first love was his first romance. How often are we the first? Perhaps what’s needed here is confidence, in yourself as a person of worth, and in your spouse’s commitment to you.
July 6, 2017
My mom taught me that it’s not nice to call someone stupid. So, why did the Bible do it?
The Bible in Proverbs 12 says, “Whoever loves discipline, loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof (or correction) is stupid.” So, what should we learn? Shutting out the discipline of life means you’re closed to growing, to learning, and to being instructed in wise things. Kids listen to your parents. They love you and their correction will help you. Adults, when someone speaks truth into your life, pay attention. And to all of us, when God’s word convicts your heart don’t be stupid. Listen up.
July 5, 2017
Have you ever watched fireworks on a sunny day?
Fireworks are made for nighttime because the dark sky provides the perfect backdrop. Some of us have a dark backdrop to our lives--great loss, financial strain, stress, or brokenness in a relationship or family. Just like fireworks, God has a way of lighting up the sky. The darkness remains but the light draws your attention away from it. This Fourth of July, while you watch the fireworks, remember God has not forgotten you. And that compared to your darkness, He is light—a spectacular light!
July 4, 2017
If you were lost, would you ask for directions?
A woman wrote. A counselor pointed she and her husband to this ministry and our resources and it made all the difference with their blended family. “It was like a life-line,” she said. “We need to be okay asking for help from the church, so pastors would learn about our need. We don’t have it all together, and I’m not willing to risk the plans God has for our family on my pride.” Good point. No, there’s no shame in asking for directions. And if they only knew, your pastors would want to help.
July 3, 2017
What’s the difference between those who hear the Word of God and are changed by it and those who aren’t?
I’ve often wondered why there are lots of people who sit in church every week but only a few who put into practice what they learn. Proverbs 11 says, “Pride leads to disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.” Humility is the posture that acknowledges our dependence on God and opens us to the sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit. Pride closes you off to how the Lord is trying to transform you. So prepare your heart to receive God’s wisdom. Clothe yourself with humility.
June 30, 2017
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Blended & Blessed®
Blended & Blessed® is the only one-day live event and livestream just for stepfamily couples, dating couples with kids, and those who care about blended families. Join sites around the globe on April 27th, 2024 as we unpack strategies that are crucial to building unity in your stepfamily. With some of today’s most trusted and respected experts, Blended & Blessed will challenge, inspire, and encourage you.