Keep Your Time
March 22, 2021
00:00
When it comes to time with your kids, backing out is backing down. Some segments of society view men as peripheral to the family. Both sides buy the lie—some moms would prefer he step back, and he is willing to back out. A divorced man said to me once, “If my kids don’t want to come over I don’t make them.” I said, “Why? Why would you do that? Do you let them decide not to eat their vegetables or do their homework? I sure hope not.” Kids don’t always know what they need. That’s why God gave them parents. Don’t back out. Keep your time. Your love matters.
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Blended & Blessed® is the only one-day live event and livestream just for stepfamily couples, dating couples with kids, and those who care about blended families. Join sites around the globe on April 27th, 2024 as we unpack strategies that are crucial to building unity in your stepfamily. With some of today’s most trusted and respected experts, Blended & Blessed will challenge, inspire, and encourage you.
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When jumping into a river, try avoiding the rapids! Parenting has many seasons to it. If you’ve got a kid over 20, you know what I mean. Stepparents and foster parents jump into that river mid-stream—while learning to swim at the same time. Reactions like, “my kid never acted like this.” Or, “I’ve never had a teenager before—is this normal?” are common. Hey, it’s easy to get lost in the rapids so help each other out. The biological parent can fill in a few gaps while the stepparent plays catch-up. Slow down. Get in sync. And hang on for the ride.
March 19, 2021
When it comes to kids, who you respect is who they respect. Daniel’s stepdad was important to him. His stepdad was his dad. He loved, honored, and valued him and yet his respect was limited. You see, Daniel’s mother never allowed his stepdad to discipline him and she made it very clear that if push came to shove she would choose Daniel and walk away. As a result, his stepdad had limited authority and Daniel knew it. Here’s the take-away: Who we respect—in all aspects of life—is who our children respect. In parenting, make sure you lift one another up.
March 18, 2021
Don’t fracture a child’s heart. Put it together and let love flow freely. Sometimes co-parents are tempted to dampen a child’s relationship with the other parent. Listen, it is every parent’s responsibility to encourage their child to keep in contact. Not just visit, but have a strong relationship. Alienators will take advantage and say, “They don’t want to go to their mom’s house, so I don’t make them.” No. That’s not right. We don’t let a child’s hesitation keep them from things. So, unless there is abuse, encourage the relationship and celebrate the other parent.
March 17, 2021
The two-step is not just a dance in Texas. In any home the marriage relationship is by far the most important earthly relationship. Yet, in blended families, it’s often the most vulnerable. So, one key step for stepfamilies is to two-step, your marriage, that is. Making the new marriage a relational priority is critical to family success. So, the marital two-step is about building strength and harmony and letting everyone know the marriage is unbreakable and that the couple is going to lead this home together.
March 16, 2021
Lying and hiding the truth just means you have to live in fear. Imagine his surprise. He thought he was her fifth husband, but two years into their marriage, he found out he was her ninth. She lied because she was afraid he wouldn’t marry her if he knew. The issue is trustworthiness. Lying about your past creates an artificial foundation for your relationship that will feel fragile, not stable. Being honest may cost you something. Sometimes it’s difficult but better in the long-run to have a relationship built on truth than on quicksand. What good is that?
March 15, 2021
Ok, stepfamilies. It’s time to step down…your expectations, I mean. “Why won’t my son ask his stepfather for help with his math?” one mom asked me. This mom wanted her son to feel comfortable with Tim, so she kept pressuring them to get along. But pressure often backfires. One key step for stepfamilies is to step down your expectations. No, you don't give up. Just realize that family integration takes years and pressure doesn’t help. Accept and appreciate relationships as they are today makes for a more relaxed home which, ironically, helps people become family.
March 12, 2021
From your kids—wouldn’t you appreciate a little gratitude! So, I was getting some maintenance done on the car my son drives. When I asked him to come and pick me up I got attitude. Apparently I disrupted his Saturday morning sleep. Well I got up at 6:15 in order to get the car fixed and I never got a thank you for the money I spent. Then I thought: I wonder if God has the same problem with me? I have a good job that puts food on the table for my family and yet sometimes I still complain. Ouch. Yes, all children need to learn gratitude and to be content.
March 11, 2021
In some ways discipleship is simply taking off and putting on. We’re talking about virtues to put on; one of them is forgiveness. What do you have to take off to put forgiveness on? For starters, the idea that forgiveness is condoning or excusing an offense; it’s not. It’s not forgetting the offense either. To forgive you also have to take off the idea that justice will be lost or you’ll be weak. No, forgiveness empowers. The person still might have a debt to pay to society but you are releasing their debt to you. Just as God, in Christ, has forgiven yours.
March 10, 2021
Sometimes parents find themselves at a real disadvantage. This one might sound off track at first, but stay with me. Don’t care too much about winning your kid’s approval. Chasing their approval makes you hesitate when you need to set a boundary or be firm. So not caring puts you in a position of strength. This is why stepparents who chase their child’s acceptance are at a disadvantage. It's also why they need the biological parent to be the heavy at first so they can focus on bonding. It’s a disadvantage but teamwork will get you through it.
March 9, 2021
No, we can’t have you at our church because your background and past might infect everyone else. Can you imagine a pastor saying that to you? Where did we get the idea that you have to be perfect before you can come to Christ? Isn’t that what he does for us? One of the key steps for stepfamilies is step up to discover a God who loves and forgives those in blended families just like he loves and forgives those in first families. Here’s the deal, some stepfamilies are the result of sinful choices; others are not. But either way, Christ welcomes you to his body and promises to wash you clean.
March 8, 2021
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Featured Offer
Blended & Blessed®
Blended & Blessed® is the only one-day live event and livestream just for stepfamily couples, dating couples with kids, and those who care about blended families. Join sites around the globe on April 27th, 2024 as we unpack strategies that are crucial to building unity in your stepfamily. With some of today’s most trusted and respected experts, Blended & Blessed will challenge, inspire, and encourage you.