Just Not Home Anymore
November 29, 2019
00:00
I don’t know. It just doesn’t feel like home anymore.
A 35 year-old woman said this as she reflected on her holiday family visit. She went to her childhood home but because her dad married after her mom’s death he was preoccupied with his new wife and her family. All of that made home feel foreign. Changes to family traditions can make children and teens feel that way, too. That's why parents should keep some traditions. Also, acknowledge that change is hard. Talk about it. Remind them that what hasn’t changed is your love for them.
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Archives
Thanksgiving! No, I mean, thanks for giving.
Did you know there’s a cycle of gratitude? When you’re grateful for all God has done it changes how you act towards others. A little of your thankfulness can’t help but spill over to others. Then as 2 Corinthians 9 tells us, your generosity results in them giving thanks to God. Men will “praise God” because of your obedience and the grace of God evident within you. So, your thankfulness to God produces kindness toward others which produces in them gratitude towards God. Nice. Happy Thanksgiving!
November 28, 2019
Hey Ron, what’s the best way to tell my kids I’m getting married?
What you’re really asking is, “How do I announce an engagement and ensure my kids will be happy about it?” Ah, how to sum up the entire book Dating and the Single Parent. Well, you can't guarantee their happiness. Whether young or old, how children react is up to them. What you can do is be calm and matter of fact. Tell them when, where, how, and what it means for them. Then listen to their response. Most importantly, reassure them you still love and are committed to them and always will be.
November 27, 2019
You know, sometimes members of a stepfamily are confused about what to call each other.
When you marry into a family you have to figure out what to call extended family members. Sometimes you call your mother-in-law Mom, and sometimes you don’t. Well, the same is true for blended families. The trick is figuring it out together. Ask things like, “How would you like to be introduced in public or with friends?” And, “At home, what term is most comfortable for you?” These questions will help you honor one another’s preferences which ultimately makes you feel more like family.
November 26, 2019
The Bible says, “He who has ears to hear, let him hear.” What? Speak up! I can’t hear you!
When I was 35 I started losing my hearing in one ear. Then, after wearing a hearing aid for over a decade, surgery restored my hearing. On many occasions Jesus said, “If anyone has ears to hear, let him hear.” Most people heard what he said, but they didn’t understand. After surgery I discovered many things I never heard before. What about you? What is really preventing you from hearing Jesus? Maybe surgery is in order: God humble my heart to what I have not been hearing. Give me ears to hear.
November 25, 2019
Yeah, kids are sometimes hesitant to warm up to their stepparent. But what do you do when it’s the stepparent who won’t warm up?
Lisa’s new husband went from open and engaging with her 21-year-old to standoffish and uninterested leaving everyone feeling uncomfortable. It’s hard to guess what’s holding your husband back. Maybe he feels guilty being close to your daughter when his own daughter lives far away. I’m not sure. But the wisdom here is to be full of grace, not condemnation. Be patient or he’ll never explain and you’ll never learn what will open him up. Hopefully, eventually, he’ll reach out to your daughter.
November 22, 2019
Have you ever noticed that worry can spoil an otherwise happy day?
The Bible has a lot to say about worry: “An anxious heart weighs a man down,” Proverbs 12. And, yet, if you’re like me, you worry frequently. About the economy. Are my kids driving safely? Aging parents, politics, terrorist attacks, what to fix for dinner? Why do we do this? Because we forget that God cares. “You are so much more valuable than birds or flowers and yet God provides for them,” Jesus said. Seek first the kingdom and trust him with everything else.
November 21, 2019
You know that scene in Forrest Gump when he runs back and forth across the country for three years? Hey, stop running!
Do you feel like Forrest Gump? I keep running into young people whose parents went round and round on the marriage go-round and they got left behind. Alone. Now as adults they don’t know what a healthy relationship is or what good parenting looks like. So, they run. Well, in the middle of the desert Forrest finally announces, “I’m pretty tired. I think I’ll go home now.” Stop running. Find a ministry or a godly mentor to help you find some answers. Maybe “tired” is trying to tell you something.
November 20, 2019
Well, he didn’t get to walk his daughter down the aisle, but he did get the daddy-daughter dance.
A friend of mine saw that his stepdaughter was struggling to decide who should walk her down the aisle at her wedding. Her dad, who had been in and out of her life or her stepdad, who had been there all along. My friend made a big sacrifice. He told her he would be okay with her father walking her down the aisle. That brought a light to her eyes and a smile to her face. Then she insisted: “But nobody’s going to take away our dance at the reception.” Oh yeah, he enjoyed that daddy-daughter dance!
November 19, 2019
So, what do you call a stepfamily?
There’s a lot of confusion about what term to use for the stepfamily these days. Ah, see there, I used one. “But, Ron, we call our family a blended family because we’re trying to blend everyone together.” Yeah, that works. But, then, for some a blended family is a bi-racial family. Well, others call themselves a remarried family, or a combined family. There’s a lot of terms, but no matter which you choose, just remember to act like a family.
November 18, 2019
One way to develop faith in your children is to think out loud.
Thinking out loud is sharing with kids how you came to a certain decision. The next time you’re in the car, think out loud. “Hey Buddy, we decided not to buy that big screen television. Instead we're going to use the money for a service project. I think this honors God and buying another thing for us really doesn’t.” Thinking out loud shapes the faith of your children and shows them how life and faith connect. And, when stepparents think out loud, kids see your heart and they grow to trust it.
November 15, 2019
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Blended & Blessed® is the only one-day live event and livestream just for stepfamily couples, dating couples with kids, and those who care about blended families. Join sites around the globe on April 27th, 2024 as we unpack strategies that are crucial to building unity in your stepfamily. With some of today’s most trusted and respected experts, Blended & Blessed will challenge, inspire, and encourage you.