FamilyLife Blended®

Ron L. Deal

Judging & Condemning Others (Luke 6)

January 21, 2019

Yes, you should judge others.

 

People often misuse Jesus’ words in order to tell others not to judge their behavior. Well, clearly Jesus wasn’t telling us not to be discerning. Later, he talks about discerning between the fruit of good trees and bad trees and the good and bad things people store up in their hearts. Distinguishing these requires judgement. No, he’s talking about looking down on others; do not judge or condemn. Discern what is good and noble, righteous and unrighteous, yes. Be arrogant about it, no.

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Archives

If you’re single and dating and at least one of you has kids, you need to do your homework.   Single parents often ask me if they should get married and form a blended family. Honestly, I don’t have any idea what’s best for you and the kids. But I do know that just because you’ve fallen in love with a person doesn’t mean you’ll know how to be a family. A wedding that includes children is a package deal. The better you understand the package the stronger your family will be. So, dating couples, I know this doesn’t sound very romantic but it’s time to go back to school. Stepfamily School.
January 18, 2019
All right, here’s a hard one. How do you help an irresponsible person to become responsible?   This is a tough one and it depends on who we’re talking about. One way parents can help an irresponsible or unmotivated child is to change the child’s environment; the boundaries and consequences that you set. But if it is an irresponsible co-parent you have a bigger problem because you don’t control their environment. What you can do is manage yourself. Don’t repay evil for evil. Keep your obligations. In other words, instead of trying to change them change yourself to be more like Christ.
January 17, 2019
Have you ever noticed a parent turning a blind eye to their child’s poor behavior?   In blended families, sometimes a stepparent notices a child’s misbehavior and the biological parent doesn’t. If the stepparent says something the biological parent might get defensive. This is a real trap because it pits you against one another as a couple. God intended parenting to be at least a two person team partly because we all have strengths, weaknesses, and blind spots. Put down your defensiveness and listen to each other.  
January 16, 2019
The gospel is the same. Families are not.   Noted scholar N.T. Wright says that every generation has to take a fresh look at the Christian faith and ministry. We can’t live on how ministry was done before because culture, language, and societal pressure points always change. Well, hear this: Non-traditional families are the new traditional family! Think again about your children’s ministry, student ministry, and how you prevent divorce. The gospel is the same, but families are not. If you want to stay relevant, take a fresh look.
January 15, 2019
I love it when Jesus tells us how to do what he’s asked!   “Do to others as you would have them do to you.” You recognize those words of Jesus in Luke 6 as the Golden Rule. Then he tells us this Rule follows the law of sowing and reaping—what you sow is what you reap—and practically how we live it out. Love your enemies. Be merciful. Don’t judge, or condemn others, but be giving and forgiving. You reap what you sow. Do you want to make your marriage, your home, your workplace, the world a better place? Lead with love and watch it come full circle.
January 14, 2019
When wisdom calls or speaks, do you listen?   In the Bible the book of Proverbs portrays wisdom as a woman who calls out to those who would live life well. A fool turns away and does not listen to her guidance resulting in distress and anguish. Scripture offers all of us, blended families included a great deal of life wisdom you can apply or ignore. The Bible is more than just a book of handy tips. It is THE source for godliness and wise living. Carve out some time and listen to her.
January 11, 2019
Do you know what happens when a boomerang child leaves your home? They come back.   Parents find themselves walking the line between life coach and landlord and children find themselves a lot more dependent than they’d like to be. Stepparents who have not lived with the child may be completely lost. Address this first as a couple by clarifying your expectations. Once you agree share them with the boomerang child and then listen to their needs and expectations. Trust God as you honor your marriage covenant and help the child plant their feet back on the path to independence.
January 10, 2019
With well over half of couples today living together before marriage there must be some really good benefits to doing so, right?   Research tells us that cohabiting couples are less likely to support one another financially, are less sexually committed and trustworthy and have more negative attitudes about marriage. If they later marry they’re more likely to divorce. They also have higher levels of domestic and child abuse. It sounds like God’s desire that you put a ring on it before you move in really is in your best interest and your child’s. I guess the only question is who do you trust more? Him or yourself?
January 9, 2019
What if we parented according to the beatitudes?   In Luke 6 Jesus offers a blessing on the poor, hungry, sad, and persecuted, but a caution to those who are rich, well fed, comfortable, and popular. Now, our job as parents is to provide for our kids. But to what degree? Many of us brag because we make our kids rich with material things…overly fed and popular wearing the latest styles. Think about it. What are we doing to our kids? Caution parents. Maybe we should keep their hearts humble, hungry for more than what this life offers.
January 8, 2019
We parents are not as in tune as we think.   If there’s one thing I’ve learned in over 30 years of family ministry and being a parent myself since 1994, it’s that parents aren’t as in tune with their kids as they think. I’ve learned things about my kids I had no idea was going on inside them for years. I’ve known parents who thought their kids were fine until it was obvious they were being bullied or had a hidden addiction or had been devastated by family problems. Talk with your kids. Listen with fresh ears to what’s beneath their words.
January 7, 2019
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Featured Offer

Blended & Blessed®
Blended & Blessed® is the only one-day live event and livestream just for stepfamily couples, dating couples with kids, and those who care about blended families. Join sites around the globe on April 27th, 2024 as we unpack strategies that are crucial to building unity in your stepfamily. With some of today’s most trusted and respected experts, Blended & Blessed will challenge, inspire, and encourage you. 

About FamilyLife Blended®

FamilyLife Blended® provides  biblically-based resources that help prevent re-divorce, strengthen stepfamilies, and help break the generational cycle of divorce.

About Ron L. Deal

Ron L. Deal is the Director of blended family ministries at FamilyLife®, and is the author/coauthor of the books The Smart StepfamilyThe Smart Stepdad, The Smart Stepmom, Dating and the Single Parent, and The Remarriage Checkup. Ron voices the FamilyLife Blended short feature and is one of the most widely read authors on stepfamily living in the country. He is a licensed marriage and family therapist who frequently appears in the national media, including FamilyLife Today® and Focus on the Family, and he conducts marriage and family seminars around the countryRon and his wife, Nan, have been married since 1986 and have three boys.

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