Falsehood Trickles Down
February 26, 2021
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You’ve heard of the trickle-down effect, right? Well, parents have one, too. Proverbs 29 says: “If a ruler listens to falsehood, all his officials will be wicked.” The principle is what influences the leader trickles down to those he leads. That’s true of parents, too. Perhaps that’s why Proverbs 23 says, “Apply your heart to instruction and your ear to words of knowledge. Do not withhold discipline from a child…” The order is important. First, apply your heart to instruction and knowledge, then, THEN, teach your children. What influences you trickles down to your kids.
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Interrupting is disrespectful. I was 10 and I just had to tell my parent's friend, Mrs. Roush something. She held up her hand like a traffic cop, shook her head “no,” and kept talking to her friend until she finished, then I could talk. Now, all kids need to learn not to interrupt adults because it teaches a child respect. They shouldn’t interrupt parents either because whoever gets to interrupt gets to be in charge. So, in stepfamilies a biological parent can support a stepparent just by not allowing kids to interrupt.
February 25, 2021
When one partner holds all the wild cards, the other partner just folds. Mark held all the cards and still he believed his second wife should trust him. He made her sign a prenuptial agreement and then he managed their finances and determined her monthly allowance. Then seven years into their marriage, he set up a trust to provide for his kids but forced her to sign it without letting her read it first. This is not how you foster trust in a relationship. Treat each other like equal partners, shower one another with kindness and sacrifice. That is how you do it.
February 24, 2021
Those famous last words can get you in trouble. My wife taught me a great lesson once. She wanted to keep her job despite being caught in a difficult administrative situation. Before leaving the organization, she could have shared some “famous last words” but she didn’t. Then things changed and because the administrators witnessed her integrity, they invited her to stay. Apply this in your work life. Or with a spouse or even an ex-spouse. When you have choice words hold your tongue. Who knows what can be mended or how God can be glorified.
February 23, 2021
Here’s a tale of two co-parents: the fool and the wise. Proverbs 29 says when a fool and a wise person have a dispute; the fool will rant and give full vent to their anger. Now this happens in countless situations, but I see it a lot between ex-spouses who are assigned the responsibility to co-parent their children. This means godly parents are at times subjected to outrageous behavior and if that’s you, I’m sorry. Just remember this, everyone, especially children, knows exactly who the fool is and who is not. So let integrity be your guide.
February 22, 2021
I suggest you check your confirmation bias at the door. I love in marriage counseling when I can help one person who feels unloved to realize their partner really does care. Sometimes the person who feels unwanted can't see it because of their confirmation bias, that’s their tendency to only see things that support their belief that they are not loved. We all have bias in relationships. Once we form a perception about someone we interpret their behavior in a way that supports our perception. We freeze frame them. Well, now I’m part of the problem.
February 19, 2021
Are you still doing your kid’s laundry? At college orientation, they told us parents to stop doing our kid’s laundry. We haven’t done Brennan’s laundry since sixth grade, but apparently, lots of parents do it for their eighteen-year olds. So why would you do for your kids what they can do for themselves? The answer I bet has more to do with you than them. Here’s the thing, eventually your need becomes theirs when they are incompetent to do life and dependent on other people. Hey, quit doing their laundry!
February 18, 2021
Sibling jealousy…can happen at any age. Sibling jealousy happens when an only child is dethroned by the new baby who gets all the attention. But it can also happen when adopted or foster kids are added to the home; or when stepsiblings come for a weekend visit. Because the fear of being displaced is usually at the heart of these situations, the prescription is essentially the same. Move emotionally toward the jealous child. Spend time with them, invite them to play a helpful role with the new sibling, and then foster a sense of team.
February 17, 2021
“Ron, you should see your face.” Our boys were young and my wife was giving me parenting feedback. She said, “Ron, you’re a great dad. I love it when you discipline our kids but you should see your face. You’re intimidating and they feel rejected.” Well, that was hard to hear. But I took it to heart, and added the fruit of gentleness to my discipline. Turns out smiling when saying “no” was far more powerful. But to get there I had to take off harshness and put on gentleness. It’s your turn. Add gentleness to who you are today.
February 16, 2021
It’s time for a little stepfamily math. A family of five has about 20 relationships to manage but what about a stepfamily of five? Well, add the ex-spouses, their new partners and their children and a stepfamily of five has 210 relationships to manage. Then there is the confused identity multiplier. The stepdad has one idea of his role, his wife has a second, his stepchildren, biological child and his wife’s ex-husband have others. That calculates to 420 relationships. No wonder stepfamilies are tired. Don’t worry we’ve got your back.
February 15, 2021
How do you celebrate marital oneness when your family isn’t one? There may be many people wondering that this Valentine’s Day since this is a day to celebrate love and romance but what if there is strife in your extended family? Or maybe your blended family isn’t very blended. You two are doing great but you may have concerns for the kids. How do you enjoy a day like Valentines? Well, you may have to compartmentalize. No, not everything is hunky-dory, but thank God for your spouse and celebrate what is going well in your marriage. It’s okay to do that.
February 12, 2021
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Blended & Blessed® is the only one-day live event and livestream just for stepfamily couples, dating couples with kids, and those who care about blended families. Join sites around the globe on April 27th, 2024 as we unpack strategies that are crucial to building unity in your stepfamily. With some of today’s most trusted and respected experts, Blended & Blessed will challenge, inspire, and encourage you.