Even in Laughter (Proverbs 14:13)
September 17, 2018
00:00
Sometimes, joy is mixed with sorrow.
Life often puts us in situations where two very different experiences are juxtaposed. Proverbs 14 insightfully observes, “Even in laughter the heart may ache.” In blended families, a child may enjoy new siblings or a stepparent and still ache over someone who isn’t there or a widow may thank God for her second husband, but quietly lament the first. Is there something wrong with this? No. We can experience many things at the same time. And love those who do the same.
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Do you expect to get paid extra for doing your job? Ahhh, nope.
You don’t expect anyone except your boss to say thank you, right? Parenting is like that. Parents expect their kids to be thankful, but we don’t expect others to thank us for caring for them. Stepparents are a little different. They give out of the overflow of their hearts so it’s nice when others notice what they do for their stepkids. September 16 is National Stepfamily Day. This is a good opportunity to honor stepparents and call attention to the love that’s shared in blended family homes.
September 14, 2018
“To know” or “to take.”
In Psalm 139 David declares: “O Lord, you have searched me and known me.” The Hebrew word for known, yada, is a very intimate word. God knows me personally and he wants to be known by me, creating a close, intimate relationship. The same word is used for sexuality. It’s an intimate revealing form of communication. Now contrast that to how the world talks about sex. It’s what I can take. Not what I can give or share. Intimate communication or selfish exploitation? It’s up to you.
September 13, 2018
When parenting, learn to sing in unison.
I have a friend in Ghana whose father’s advice to him on parenting is deeply profound: “Two voices,” he said, “do not raise a child.” That's right. When parents are singing the same song in unison, the message of the song can be heard by the child, understood, and followed. But if they are singing two different songs there is disharmony, discord, and distraction. Look, the Bible is the music. The values, morals, and heart principles found there give you one voice as you raise your child.
September 12, 2018
Tragedy and hope—what a strange combination.
Sheri Ladley lost her husband, James, on September 11, 2001. Her two children lost their father. Their family lost their joy. The 9/11 attacks were tragic for all Americans, but for Sheri and her kids, it was deeply tragic. Since then our country has rebuilt some of what it has lost. Sheri’s family has, too. She remarried and had a daughter whose middle name is Hope. This year on 9/11, let’s remember the people we lost and the tragedy that changed everything. And let’s cling to the One who heals.
September 11, 2018
Hey, teachers want to know you.
Mostly teachers, want to teach. And if it helps a student, they also want to know about their home life. My friend, stepfamily author, Heather Hetchler says if the other home seems to leave your home out of teacher communications or specifically discourages the stepparent from school involvement, don’t fight them. Reach out directly to the teacher. Schedule your own parent-teacher conference and discuss how they can communicate with you. Support them and they’ll support you.
September 10, 2018
In today’s complex families, grandparents are confused.
Okay, grandparent, let’s say, your son is divorced and you help to fill gaps; when the kids are at their mother’s do you still help out? And, if your son marries a woman with children do you sacrifice time with your biological grandkids to support your stepgrandkids? I realize it’s tough. You’ve got a lot to offer but you do have to answer these questions. So sit down with your loved-ones and have a candid conversation. Define what each of you expects of the other and how you will work together.
September 7, 2018
Part-time biological parents are sometimes tempted to have an expectation double standard for their kids. But why?
When your kids are with you on a part-time basis, it can be tempting to go easy on them. Maybe you’re concerned they won’t want to come back if expectations are too high or you may have a fragile relationship that could be easily broken. Well, your concerns are legitimate but these strategies teach kids that the world revolves around them. Not a good idea. No, the way to love them is to have equal standards for everyone. Assume they belong and expect them to live that way
September 6, 2018
I think jealousy is common.
Whenever someone or something holds a position you’d like to have, you’re jealous of it. What we often label as a child “who just wants attention” is a child who is jealous for you. See, what’s behind jealousy is a desire to matter, to be close to someone. That’s good. But jealous actions according to James 3 & 4 in the Bible, usually lead to division, fights, and quarrels. The answer, James says, don’t speak evil of others and trust God with your desires. Not your ability to get what you want.
September 5, 2018
Can you imagine—being deployed in a foreign country and losing your children back home?
Unfortunately, custody changes have happened to our military personnel. But it shouldn’t any more. A law now prevents custody changes from occurring during deployment; it protects you from being taken advantage of. But there still are other things biological parents should think through: Register your custody agreement in your current state and decide how the stepparent should coordinate day-to-day schedules with the other household while you’re deployed. For FamilyLife Blended I’m Ron Deal.
September 4, 2018
When the road is blocked, find another way around.
Sometimes schools just don’t know how to include stepparents, but other times you’re being blocked by the child’s other home. So what do you do? Well, stepfamily author Heather Hetchler says, if the road is blocked, go around. Don’t fight the other home for access to the school. Work directly with the school. You might have to provide court papers in order to get access but it’s worth it to be added to school records, email lists, and web portals. Get connected so you can support your child.
September 3, 2018
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Blended & Blessed®
Blended & Blessed® is the only one-day live event and livestream just for stepfamily couples, dating couples with kids, and those who care about blended families. Join sites around the globe on April 27th, 2024 as we unpack strategies that are crucial to building unity in your stepfamily. With some of today’s most trusted and respected experts, Blended & Blessed will challenge, inspire, and encourage you.