Don’t Try to Replace
March 28, 2018
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You know what DTR is, right? Define the relationship. Well, it’s not just a concept for dating couples.
When a relationship is just beginning defining it can help both sides understand and clarify expectations. Stepparents tell your stepkids you are not trying to replace their biological parent and you respect the special place that parent has in their life. This helps kids relax. Suggest that if they ever feel caught between you and their biological parent they can tell you and you won’t take it personally. Bottom line: you know where you fit and they can love their biological parent freely.
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Blended & Blessed® is the only one-day live event and livestream just for stepfamily couples, dating couples with kids, and those who care about blended families. Join sites around the globe on April 27th, 2024 as we unpack strategies that are crucial to building unity in your stepfamily. With some of today’s most trusted and respected experts, Blended & Blessed will challenge, inspire, and encourage you.
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Believe it or not, sometimes it’s best not to love best.
Millions have read The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman where he teaches how to best love others by knowing their primary love language. Here’s some wisdom for blended families: if you’re a stepparent and you know your child’s primary love language, it doesn’t mean you should speak it. It’s best to begin with Acts of Service, then Gifts, Words of Affirmation, and then Quality Time and Physical Touch. Progress from the least intrusive language to the most intimate. Watch love come alive.
March 27, 2018
Sometimes in parenting, one parent is a lot more serious about godliness than the other.
When parents agree to live by and teach God’s statues for godliness, children see a consistent message. But sometimes parents don’t see eye to eye and kids get confused. This can happen with a married couple or to parents living in separate homes. Either way, the task for the parent with the higher standard is to be intentional about what you teach and model because both the child and the other parent are watching. Trust God to convict their hearts while you let your light shine brightly.
March 26, 2018
Having a healthy self-esteem is a really good thing. But there’s something much better.
Self-esteem is essentially about accepting yourself and having confidence in your worth and abilities. But God-esteem tells me that I have worth and value beyond compare because of what Christ has done and is doing in me. Now, what if I responded to you as if that was true about me? Well, your critical words wouldn’t hurt quite as bad, my own imperfection wouldn’t cause me so much shame, and your approval wouldn’t be my idol. And in spite of all your failures and mine, I could still love.
March 23, 2018
Research confirms; spending time together is a quality of strong families.
There is a lot of stuff competing for our time. Stepfamilies have even more challenges: children who move between homes, numerous grandparents who want time with the grandkids, parents who move far away, and uninvolved parents. To be a strong family you’ve got to find ways around these barriers. Don’t let smart phones interrupt family dinnertime, but use that same technology to stay in touch during the week. Don’t lose track of time or you might lose track of each other.
March 22, 2018
Do you know why kids have middle names? So, they’ll know when to behave.
Words are empty without action. Proverbs 29:19 nails it: “By mere words a servant is not disciplined, for though he understands, he will not respond.” Kids understand what you want but as long as you argue with them, they don’t have to do it. Stop talking and do something. One of my kids slammed his door in my face. Without a word, I took it off the hinges for three days. No, we can’t control our kids, but we are in charge of their environment. Do something.
March 21, 2018
How do you form a loving relationship with someone who isn’t motivated to love you?
That’s one of the most challenging aspects of bonding in the early years of a blended family. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes everyone in a stepfamily is equally motivated but not always. Kids vary anywhere from high motivation to “who are you and why are you in my way?” If you’re the highly motivated person, you can quickly get discouraged. Draw inspiration from God—who loves everyone despite many of us being distracted and unmotivated to love him. There are no guarantees. Just keep loving.
March 20, 2018
Hey, don’t text and drive. And don’t text and parent.
Kids have a new rivalry in their lives: their parents’ devices. I know kids are glued to their screens, too, but how will they learn moderation if we don’t model it for them? Back in 2009, a study found that for every hour a TV is on in the home parents speak 500 to 1000 less words per day to their child. Imagine what it is today. So to avoid distraction, set your phone down. Be intentional about being available. We tell them not to text and drive. Don’t text and parent.
March 19, 2018
Ok, imagine sitting next to a campfire, and scooping up a few burning logs and placing them in your lap. Yeah, that’s going to leave a mark.
It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that is going to hurt. Well, that’s exactly the word picture Solomon gave his son in the Bible in Proverbs 6 about committing adultery. It’s like scooping fire into your lap. God really is looking out for us when he says to honor the marriage bed. Fidelity in marriage really matters because it fosters and sustains trust in a relationship and it communicates to your spouse their importance to you—two very important aspects of sustaining a strong marriage.
March 16, 2018
Want a great tip for deepening a friendship? It starts with you sharing you.
When someone is transparent we respect them a little more deeply. We admire their courage and feel like it’s safe to be around them. Stepfamily members can do the same thing. I’ve watched adult stepchildren share something personal with a parent’s new spouse, and somehow, it opens the door to friendship. I’ve seen stepparents endear their stepkids to them by sharing a story about a hard life-lesson that they learned. It takes courage to jump out there but that's where great relationships begin.
March 15, 2018
Godly people try to make friends out of enemies.
Maybe you saw the viral video of the mom who took a birthday gift to her daughter’s dad…and stepmom. Of course, everybody wanted to know why because moms and stepmoms are supposed to be enemies, right? Just because it is often like that doesn’t mean it should be. See, this Mom had been going through a tough time and her ex and the stepmom had been supportive. To say “thank you” she took them a gift. The whole world and her daughter got to watch and be inspired. Now that’s how you co-parent.
March 14, 2018
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Featured Offer
Blended & Blessed®
Blended & Blessed® is the only one-day live event and livestream just for stepfamily couples, dating couples with kids, and those who care about blended families. Join sites around the globe on April 27th, 2024 as we unpack strategies that are crucial to building unity in your stepfamily. With some of today’s most trusted and respected experts, Blended & Blessed will challenge, inspire, and encourage you.