Don’t Text and Parent
March 25, 2021
00:00
Hey, don’t text and drive. And don’t text and parent. Kids have a new rivalry in their lives: their parents’ devices. I know kids are glued to their screens; too, but how will they learn moderation if we don’t model it for them? Back in 2009, a study found that for every hour a TV is on in the home parents speak 500 to 1000 less words per day to their child. Imagine what it is today. So, to avoid distraction, set your phone down. Be intentional about being available. We tell them not to text and drive. Don’t text and parent.
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Godly people try to make friends out of enemies. Maybe you saw the viral video of the mom who took a birthday gift to her daughter’s dad…and stepmom. Of course, everybody wanted to know why because moms and stepmoms are supposed to be enemies, right? Just because it is often like that doesn’t mean it should be. See, this Mom had been going through a tough time and her ex and the stepmom had been supportive. To say “thank you” she took them a gift. The whole world and her daughter got to watch and be inspired. Now that’s how you co-parent.
March 24, 2021
Have you ever thought, “Maybe I’m being too negative”? I regularly talk on the radio about the blessings and challenges of blended family living. Why? Because no one else is and there’s a huge population of people living in stepfamilies. Because there are predictable challenges the first decade I want to help prepare you. But my fear is that talking about the challenges makes you think there are few rewards. That’s just not true. When you’re climbing the mountain, you can’t always see the vista. Trust me, it’s there. Just keep climbing.
March 23, 2021
When it comes to time with your kids, backing out is backing down. Some segments of society view men as peripheral to the family. Both sides buy the lie—some moms would prefer he step back, and he is willing to back out. A divorced man said to me once, “If my kids don’t want to come over I don’t make them.” I said, “Why? Why would you do that? Do you let them decide not to eat their vegetables or do their homework? I sure hope not.” Kids don’t always know what they need. That’s why God gave them parents. Don’t back out. Keep your time. Your love matters.
March 22, 2021
When jumping into a river, try avoiding the rapids! Parenting has many seasons to it. If you’ve got a kid over 20, you know what I mean. Stepparents and foster parents jump into that river mid-stream—while learning to swim at the same time. Reactions like, “my kid never acted like this.” Or, “I’ve never had a teenager before—is this normal?” are common. Hey, it’s easy to get lost in the rapids so help each other out. The biological parent can fill in a few gaps while the stepparent plays catch-up. Slow down. Get in sync. And hang on for the ride.
March 19, 2021
When it comes to kids, who you respect is who they respect. Daniel’s stepdad was important to him. His stepdad was his dad. He loved, honored, and valued him and yet his respect was limited. You see, Daniel’s mother never allowed his stepdad to discipline him and she made it very clear that if push came to shove she would choose Daniel and walk away. As a result, his stepdad had limited authority and Daniel knew it. Here’s the take-away: Who we respect—in all aspects of life—is who our children respect. In parenting, make sure you lift one another up.
March 18, 2021
Don’t fracture a child’s heart. Put it together and let love flow freely. Sometimes co-parents are tempted to dampen a child’s relationship with the other parent. Listen, it is every parent’s responsibility to encourage their child to keep in contact. Not just visit, but have a strong relationship. Alienators will take advantage and say, “They don’t want to go to their mom’s house, so I don’t make them.” No. That’s not right. We don’t let a child’s hesitation keep them from things. So, unless there is abuse, encourage the relationship and celebrate the other parent.
March 17, 2021
The two-step is not just a dance in Texas. In any home the marriage relationship is by far the most important earthly relationship. Yet, in blended families, it’s often the most vulnerable. So, one key step for stepfamilies is to two-step, your marriage, that is. Making the new marriage a relational priority is critical to family success. So, the marital two-step is about building strength and harmony and letting everyone know the marriage is unbreakable and that the couple is going to lead this home together.
March 16, 2021
Lying and hiding the truth just means you have to live in fear. Imagine his surprise. He thought he was her fifth husband, but two years into their marriage, he found out he was her ninth. She lied because she was afraid he wouldn’t marry her if he knew. The issue is trustworthiness. Lying about your past creates an artificial foundation for your relationship that will feel fragile, not stable. Being honest may cost you something. Sometimes it’s difficult but better in the long-run to have a relationship built on truth than on quicksand. What good is that?
March 15, 2021
Ok, stepfamilies. It’s time to step down…your expectations, I mean. “Why won’t my son ask his stepfather for help with his math?” one mom asked me. This mom wanted her son to feel comfortable with Tim, so she kept pressuring them to get along. But pressure often backfires. One key step for stepfamilies is to step down your expectations. No, you don't give up. Just realize that family integration takes years and pressure doesn’t help. Accept and appreciate relationships as they are today makes for a more relaxed home which, ironically, helps people become family.
March 12, 2021
From your kids—wouldn’t you appreciate a little gratitude! So, I was getting some maintenance done on the car my son drives. When I asked him to come and pick me up I got attitude. Apparently I disrupted his Saturday morning sleep. Well I got up at 6:15 in order to get the car fixed and I never got a thank you for the money I spent. Then I thought: I wonder if God has the same problem with me? I have a good job that puts food on the table for my family and yet sometimes I still complain. Ouch. Yes, all children need to learn gratitude and to be content.
March 11, 2021
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Blended & Blessed®
Blended & Blessed® is the only one-day live event and livestream just for stepfamily couples, dating couples with kids, and those who care about blended families. Join sites around the globe on April 27th, 2024 as we unpack strategies that are crucial to building unity in your stepfamily. With some of today’s most trusted and respected experts, Blended & Blessed will challenge, inspire, and encourage you.