Never let your parenting be held hostage.
Single parents and stepfamily parents know that their parenting is affected by how the other home parents. If they say, “Yes” to something you said, “No” to, you start rethinking your decisions. The fear of what an ex might do can paralyze you. Pray for courage to press in despite what the other home is doing. Keep your balance and practice good parenting. Trust that providing consistent boundaries and love over time will make all the difference.
December 15, 2020
Are you standing up…for the kid right next to you?
We’ll fly around the world to aid children suffering from war or poverty, but we'll do nothing when it’s a kid across the street. Rarely will Christians speak up for someone else’s child caught in ongoing battles between their homes. We don’t want to “get into their business” but we should do something. Respectfully, but assertively ask a parent who bad-mouths the other home and puts their child in the middle as a spy to stop. If it’s about a child, it’s not just “their business,” it’s ours.
December 14, 2020
If you’re a single parent or dating one, here’s a dating myth to avoid.
A new marriage does not restore the original family, it forms a different family. It doesn’t give back to your kids a missing parent; it gives them a “stepparent” and a parenting team that is very different than the biological family system they were born into. Don’t get me wrong, a stepfamily may work well for your kids but don’t decide to marry based on a myth. Blended families are not “repaired” first families; they are different families with their own dynamics, challenges, and rewards.
December 11, 2020
Patient investing, over a long period of time, usually pays off big!
Proverbs 21 says, “The plans of the diligent lead surely to abundance, but everyone who is hasty comes only to poverty." Good planning and hard work lead to a profit but shortcuts risk everything. This principle applies to more than just money. Think about the diligence it takes to finish school or build a career. Healthy friendships and family relationships take dedication, too. Blended families, especially, require good planning, hard work, and patience. Those that do that reap a big payoff.
December 10, 2020
Yeah, parental unity is a really good idea. But can co-parents, living in two different homes, find parental unity?
Yes, but it’s uncommon. Co-parents rarely coordinate their parenting styles, but when they can keep their expectations and discipline strategies in line, children benefit from the consistent boundaries and can’t play one home off the other. So, parents, how do you get there? Read the same parenting book, attend the same class, and if necessary, have a parent coordinator help you get on the same page. It’ll take some work, but when you find agreement, it’s a huge blessing for your child.
December 9, 2020
If you’re a single parent or dating one, here’s a dating myth to avoid.
This myth believes children raised in single-parent homes have deficits that will be erased if they are instead raised in a two-parent stepfamily home. Well, actually the research is clear: Children raised in single-parent homes do just as well as kids raised in stepfamily homes. So, when it comes to the well-being of your children, it’s okay to stay single. If you meet someone who is a good fit for you and your kids, great. If you don’t, great. Either way God will provide.
December 8, 2020
Clarence, the angel from It’s a Wonderful Life, says, “No man is a failure who has friends.”
And I would add, someone with friends finds it easier not to be a failure. At some point, all of us need support from friends. We pray and seek God’s wisdom and try to rest in his care, but even then, it’s good to have someone standing beside you when life is tough. I see this with blended family couples with stressful circumstances. If they can vent to a friend or small group and find support, they can keep going and get some lift to their wings. Atta boy, Clarence!
December 7, 2020
Ok, kids, listen up. A critical heart toward your stepparent can bring you a lot of pain.
Proverbs 20 says, “If one curses his father or mother, his lamp will be put out in utter darkness.” In the ancient world “father and mother” could mean dad or mom, grandfather or grandmother, or another caretaker like stepmother. Here’s the deal. Being disrespectful toward a parent or stepparent makes the lamp of your happiness go dark. That doesn’t sound good does it? How much better, for you and your family, to choose cooperation and respect. That will make your lamp of happiness shine bright.
December 4, 2020
Does your child live between two homes? When attending their activities, follow these event-etiquette guidelines.
Kids love when their parents attend their recitals, concerts, and sporting events but not if co-parents make it stressful. So, mind your etiquette. Sit where you feel comfortable and be respectful to the other parent. After the event, let your child hug or talk to each parent no matter who has visitation. To keep the event safe for everyone, don’t discuss parenting matters otherwise it turns a recital into a business conversation. Let the moment be about celebrating your child.
December 3, 2020
You know, when it comes to faults, we all have them.
One of the slippery slopes in life is focusing on the imperfections of others because we lose track of our own. We get critical and judgmental and prideful. What we need to do is remember. “Who can say,” declares Proverbs 20:9, “that I have made my heart pure; I am clean from sin.” Answer: Nobody! Your heart and mine need to frequently recall our quirks, our mess ups, and all that we’ve been forgiven so we can find humility and be softer and more compassionate with others.
December 2, 2020