FamilyLife Blended®

Ron L. Deal

Connecting to Your Child’s Heart

October 2, 2017

 One of my goals…connecting you to your child’s heart.

 

I heard from a dad who had listened to a podcast I was on talking about kids, the challenges of divorce, and blended families and it got him wondering if his daughter could relate. So, he asked her. Sure enough, she did. She didn’t really have words for what she was feeling and he helped her put words on her experience when they talked about it. The conversation and her dad’s empathy made her feel close to him, not alone. Supported, not isolated. Loved, not forgotten.

Featured Offer

FamilyLife Blended® Newsletter
Receive our monthly Strengthening Stepfamilies newsletter as well as the occasional email updating you on stepfamily events and resources.

Archives

Have you ever tried to give advice to someone blinded by their own desire? Yeah, it’s pretty much pointless.   When we really want something we get blind. Others can see plainly, what we cannot. They try to help but we can’t see it. Proverbs 12:15 says, "A wise man listens to advice, but a fool follows his own way." Even good things if held on too tightly can turn us into fools. Do you know what makes you foolish to the wisdom of others or scripture? Is it love, or selfishness, or the desire to be liked? What is your blind spot? To avoid foolishness and regret it might be worth a second look.
September 29, 2017
Billy Graham said that prayer is a two-way conversation between you and God.   I strongly encourage you to pray for your family each day. When you do add this, “God, may the hearts of our blended family be open to receiving one another. Just as you have adopted us as your children, may the members of our stepfamily adopt one another as family.” Scripture confirms in Romans 8 that those who are led by the Spirit have been adopted as sons and daughters of God. It’s awesome to be adopted by God and to adopt one another in love.
September 28, 2017
To be included, or not to be included. That is the question.   A stepmom asked if she should make her stepdaughter include the girl’s deceased mother in pictures, she drew at school. That’s a great question, but I don’t know if she should or not. Kids have their reasons so you need to ask her. “Would you like to include your mom in the picture? We know she has a special place in your heart and in our family, so you can decide. Either way is fine.” Stepmom let me add this. “Bless you” for being mindful of her grief. She is blessed to have you in her life.
September 27, 2017
Do you ever feel like your phone runs your life?   It’s interesting, the structure of our lives used to manage our boundaries for us. When we left work, we left work at work, and went home. Now, technology has erased those boundaries and what suffers are all the relationships that we set aside to go online. To grow spiritually Dallas Willard once said we need to “ruthlessly eliminate hurry” from our life. “Technological hurry” keeps us from being still and knowing that He is God…from talking at the dinner table…from finding rest for our souls.
September 26, 2017
Do you remember the good or the bad?   After eating the forbidden fruit and starting a cascade of curses on humanity Eve gets named by Adam. But Adam, who just a few verses prior blamed her for everything, does not name her “One Who Messed Up Everything." No, he names her “Life-giver.” Bible teacher Tim Lundy says he stopped blaming her. He looked beyond it to what God saw. In faith, he remembered the good and spoke life over her. What if we did that with the people in our lives, looked past bad moments, and spoke life?
September 25, 2017
Sometimes you have to have a never say die attitude.   In sports, we love players who leave it all on the field. In life, it’s the same. Bonding for some stepparents is easy, others, not so much. They’re blocked and tackled before making any progress. Kids do this for different reasons. Some feel like their family’s being blitzed and they’re cut-off from their parent and still others, who bonded for a season, decided you’re in the way so they throw a new defense at you. You can’t control any of that. But you can stubbornly love and stay in the game.
September 22, 2017
What’s the difference between a great accomplishment and just another failed attempt?   Walt Disney went bankrupt and was fired for lacking imagination and Dr. Seuss’ first book was rejected 27 times. But each eventually succeeded because they were persistent. Proverbs 12:11 teaches that persistence pays off but distraction is a barrier. That’s what separates successful blended families from those who tried and failed. Faithfully being persistent to work on your marriage and family even in the face of discouragement is what brings about a positive turning point for most families.
September 21, 2017
When you’re a part-time parent, it’s amazing what matters—and what doesn’t.   Eric is a stickler about drink coasters and insists all use one except his kids. He only gets to see his kids a few days a month and he wants them to want to come back so, he doesn’t notice when they use a drink coaster. But his wife notices that he doesn’t notice and she resents it. Eric, dude. Guests should get a free pass from using a coaster, but your children are not guests. You can’t have a double standard and expect peace and harmony. Now, pass your kids a coaster and say, “Welcome home.”
September 20, 2017
When things are tough, default back into the arms of God.   Three main sources of what’s truthful about relationships are God, mature trusted friends and mentors, and yourself. But only trust yourself after years of walking with God. Until then, selfishness gets in the way. But who do you trust if your relationship is in distress? Default back to trusting mostly in God and some in mentors or counselors. Not in yourself. Pain and fear have a way of biasing our viewpoint. Repent of wrongdoing, ask for and grant forgiveness, and extend grace.
September 19, 2017
Those who love well know what to ignore and what to follow.   When someone who cares for you is angry, what they're saying is “I need you.” You see, when we feel unimportant to someone we value we get angry and anger on the outside hides fear and desire on the inside. We want to be important. Now, when on the receiving end of someone’s anger, what mature people do is look past the anger to the desire behind it. Instead of anger or disappointment, they hear “I need you and want to be closer.” Then they move toward that desire. That’s how pain becomes peace. 
September 18, 2017
See More Episodes
Listen to FamilyLife Blended® on
Amazon Echo
Learn How
Learn How

Featured Offer

FamilyLife Blended® Newsletter
Receive our monthly Strengthening Stepfamilies newsletter as well as the occasional email updating you on stepfamily events and resources.

About FamilyLife Blended®

FamilyLife Blended® provides  biblically-based resources that help prevent re-divorce, strengthen stepfamilies, and help break the generational cycle of divorce.

About Ron L. Deal

Ron L. Deal is the Director of blended family ministries at FamilyLife®, and is the author/coauthor of the books The Smart StepfamilyThe Smart Stepdad, The Smart Stepmom, Dating and the Single Parent, and The Remarriage Checkup. Ron voices the FamilyLife Blended short feature and is one of the most widely read authors on stepfamily living in the country. He is a licensed marriage and family therapist who frequently appears in the national media, including FamilyLife Today® and Focus on the Family, and he conducts marriage and family seminars around the countryRon and his wife, Nan, have been married since 1986 and have three boys.

Contact FamilyLife Blended® with Ron L. Deal

Mailing Address 
FamilyLife ®
100 Lake Hart Drive
Orlando FL 32832
 
Telephone Number
1-800-FL-TODAY
(1-800-358-6329)