Can You Discipline Your Stepchildren?
January 27, 2020
00:00
Hey Ron, can stepparents discipline their stepchildren?
Periodically I get that question because someone heard a TV talk show host say that stepparents should not discipline, that only the biological parents should do that. To be candid, that’s poor advice. What if foster parents or adoptive parents did that? It’d be utter chaos. Now, stepparents should not act independently of the biological parent, work with them. And as long as you enforce the rules you have agreed to, you can discipline your stepchildren.
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I feel like the church’s dirty little problem.
John explained that after his divorce he didn’t think he could go back to church and now that he is part of a stepfamily he feels like a second class Christian. John may need to seek forgiveness but if it is his church making him feel second class something’s wrong. There are no second class Christians because there are no first class Christians. Just sinners in need of a cross. If you sometimes feel less than fall into the grace of God and seek his forgiveness just like everybody else.
January 24, 2020
When it comes to bonding with a stepchild their age matters.
Children under the age of five tend to welcome new family members whereas children between the ages of 10-15 have the most difficult time bonding with stepparents. And, the adult stepchild is not looking for another parent figure but they are trying to figure out your place in the family. So if you are a stepparent find a relationship that works for both you and the child. Today that is. And trust that the door will open to something more tomorrow.
January 23, 2020
Corporations have business meetings all the time. Shouldn’t families do that?
Generally, the purpose behind a business meeting is to generate teamwork and productivity. A family meeting is so much more than that. It’s about facilitating family harmony as well as making vacation plans and discussing the family calendar. You can also work through hurt feelings and support each other in tough times. And there’s a bonus for blended families: regular family meetings become a ritual that strengthens a sense of family identity.
January 22, 2020
Watch out! It’s a trap!
Proverbs 22:14 speaks a great truth that we all need to hear. “The mouth of forbidden women is a deep pit.” Now, that pit is hidden, a trap that collapses under you. Of course, the “forbidden woman” could be a real person. But in this day and age, it could also be a video on the internet. Protect your heart from the forbidden woman, protect your home from her enticements, and point out that deep pit to your children so they can walk around it and not fall in.
January 21, 2020
Different kid, different parenting.
Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” That’s a promise, right? No, actually, the emphasis of the verse is on the child, not the path. Train up a child and move them toward their giftedness and strengths. That is challenging enough, but imagine becoming a foster parent or stepparent. Where do you start? Study the child. Talk to their parent. Pray for insight to help them be who God has designed them to be.
January 20, 2020
Have you ever been caught in a loyalty tug-of-war?
For young and adult children feeling stuck between your parents or between your mom and your stepmom is a common experience. When family members pressure kids to spend more time at one house than the other or they lay guilt trips on them for loving people in the other home loyalties get divided and kids lose. What they really need is permission to like and love everyone in their life. Instead of a selfish tug-of-war aimed at taking care of your needs drop the rope. Love them and let them love.
January 17, 2020
So which comes first in your household your marriage or the kids?
Healthy stepcouples know they have to balance time and energy invested in their marriage and in the lives of their children. Because the transition to a stepfamily can make kids feel pushed aside smart biological parents make time to connect one on one with their kids. But they also carve out a date night for their spouse. If the kids object they patiently reassure them and go on with the date. Finding the balance is not always easy but it sure pays off in the long run.
January 16, 2020
Ron, I so want my kids to love the Lord. So what do I do when their other home is not a good influence?
Be very intentional about influencing your children toward the Lord when they are in your home. Deuteronomy 6 says to model God’s values to your kids and impress them on their hearts. You must be diligent in this. Intentionally prepare them for the types of influence they will face at the other house. Be respectful about the people in their life but help your children have a plan. How are they going to manage whatever they are exposed to? Finally, pray constantly for them while they are there.
January 15, 2020
She’s showing her true colors, Ron, and they’re not very pretty.
Sharon posted that she and her sister, both adults, were happy for their father when he remarried after their mother died. Their dad’s new wife seemed approachable but eventually she manipulated their dad, systematically cutting him off from them. That’s wrong. It’s a shallow person who confiscates someone’s love and divides a family. If God is your source, you’ll always have enough love for all and they’ll have enough for you. But if you’re possessive, you might be the one who gets cut out.
January 14, 2020
What sort of term of endearment do you give a spouse who has the soul of a pterodactyl?
That’s the question Pastor Tommy Nelson used to ask. I don’t know what the answer is. I mean, some people just make you want to run and hide. Proverbs 21 says, “Better to live on the corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.” Now, I need to ask you. Are you that unkind person? We all have some rough edges to our personality but some have sharp, serrated edges—that they don’t do anything about and they expect others not to mind. Come on. The call of discipleship is to take off your old self and put on the new.
January 13, 2020
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Blended & Blessed® is the only one-day live event and livestream just for stepfamily couples, dating couples with kids, and those who care about blended families. Join sites around the globe on April 27th, 2024 as we unpack strategies that are crucial to building unity in your stepfamily. With some of today’s most trusted and respected experts, Blended & Blessed will challenge, inspire, and encourage you.