Big Mistake 1: No Blueprint
March 17, 2020
00:00
Have you ever tried to build a home without a blueprint?
That would be a big mistake. But nearly as bad, some couples start to build their stepfamily home with a biological family blueprint. That just doesn’t make sense. The role of a stepparent is very different than a biological parent. Blended family blueprints make sense of the differences and how loss affects kids, holiday stress, between home conflicts…the list goes on and on. Yes, stepfamilies need blueprints designed for stepfamilies. Follow those plans and your home will be solid.
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“Ron, it feels like we have a broken triangle.”
When single parents get married they want their children to feel connected to their stepparent but Karen wasn’t feeling it. She said, “My son and my husband don’t have a bad relationship, just a shallow one. The two of them and me feels like a broken triangle." Some stepfamily members take longer to connect. Persevere and encourage each other. You attend to your marriage and your son. Your husband and your son will figure it out. Trust that a little, over a long period of time, helps a lot.
March 16, 2020
Is your life story less-than-perfect?
In John 4 Jesus encounters a woman at Jacob’s well. She’s thirsty. Married five times and now living with someone, she’s been thirsty for more than just water. Jesus offers her Living water and it changes everything. This woman uses her messed-up life as evidence of Jesus' redeeming power. Her message to you: You can’t change your imperfect past but you can allow God to wrap your imperfect story into his perfect story of redemption. Then, share what he’s done so others can find Living water.
March 13, 2020
How would you prepare to move to a foreign country?
Well, you’d probably try to learn the language and investigate the history, traditions, and social norms of the people living there; learn something about the government, the money system, the weather, the schools…the list goes on and on. Well, when you move to the land of marriage, parenting, single parenting, or becoming a blended family there’s a lot to investigate and prepare for. It’ll take some study. Maybe even a competent guide who’s traveled there before. FamilyLife is here to help,
March 12, 2020
When it comes to stepfamilies, there’s not a one-size-fits-all estate plan.
Blended families have unique financial situations. Did you know that long after a divorce an ex-spouse will almost always be entitled to a portion of your retirement? Or if you have kids and get married, then pass away. If your widow remarries and then dies, your assets could go to their surviving spouse and not your children? Don’t leave financial matters unattended. Pray and make a plan with your spouse. Meet with an attorney and put it down on paper. Every estate plan will be different.
March 11, 2020
Do you have an attitude problem?
Parenting between homes is by nature an adversarial process so co-parenting needs to be cooperative and you need a good attitude. Remind yourself you’re on the same side—the side of the child. You’re trying to bless your child emotionally, spiritually, and behaviorally, not get your way. And, unless proven otherwise, presume the other home in competent to function without you. Respect their boundaries, give up control, and let them do things their way. Parents need good attitudes, too.
March 10, 2020
Ron, we’re struggling, and I just need a dose of encouragement.
Jon wrote, “We’ve been married for two years and have struggled with many challenges. My ex-wife's manipulation for more money, my wife’s ex-husband has anger issues, and our five kids have us chasing our tails. We pray daily and go to church but we still get tempted to divorce.” I’m not going to blow smoke. Some stepfamilies have a lot of distress and it’s hard to stay encouraged. Like Moses and the Israelites trapped between the Red Sea and Pharaoh’s army, God will provide a path. Don’t quit.
March 9, 2020
Dads, how do you do long-distance parenting?
Many fathers who are physically distant from their children want to remain emotionally engaged. But how? First, remind your kids of your presence by giving them a copy of pictures and videos to remember the good times. Second, keep your communication alive. Write a text on Monday, make a video call on Tuesday, drop an Instagram on Thursday, and show up on Friday for your visitation. When you are together get out of the house. Take a walk, play a game, run errands. Make the most of your time.
March 6, 2020
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words…well words, can hurt even worse.
Why would that rhyme even dare to suggest that “words will never hurt me?” We all know they do. Proverbs 12 says that reckless words pierce like a sword. Proverbs 15 says a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit. In relationships they break trust and build walls. Proverbs also teaches that the words of the wise bring healing and are a source of life to those who receive them. Ok, it’s gut check time. Would the people in your life say your words are a source of life or stones to their spirit?
March 5, 2020
Circle the wagons. Put up your shield. And don’t let it divide you.
Many issues can undermine a stepfamily marriage like disagreements about co-parenting, financial issues, or ongoing conflict between bitter ex-partners. If your marriage isn’t unified these issues can divide you. So, to protect your marriage, communicate a lot. Resist blaming each other or letting your frustration spill out on the children. If co-parenting isn’t going well, consult with a family mediator or therapist. And find a group of stepfamily couples at your church who can support you.
March 4, 2020
So, in your house do you say our “daughter-in-law” or “our daughter”?
Words have meaning. When parents talk about their “daughter-in-law” they're referring to the woman their son married. It works the other way, too. She’s your mother-in-law not “mom.” But some people do say “daughter” or “Mom.” It just depends upon their relationship. The same is true in stepfamilies. Even when a “mom” is a stepmom to one of the kids, the dad might say, “Mom texted, and dinner is in the oven.” They know who he’s talking about, right? The secret is to keep defining what you mean.
March 3, 2020
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Featured Offer
Blended & Blessed®
Blended & Blessed® is the only one-day live event and livestream just for stepfamily couples, dating couples with kids, and those who care about blended families. Join sites around the globe on April 27th, 2024 as we unpack strategies that are crucial to building unity in your stepfamily. With some of today’s most trusted and respected experts, Blended & Blessed will challenge, inspire, and encourage you.