Being Family
April 21, 2020
Compared to other siblings stepsiblings have less conflict. That may not be as good as it sounds.
Parents, we all expect a little sibling conflict but mostly we want our kids to get along. Parents in stepfamilies want peace as well but they also take peace as a sign that the kids are accepting each other. Here’s what’s ironic, stepsiblings may be less negative because they feel less like family. In other words, feeling safe and connected frees siblings to be more negative. That means the more bonded stepsiblings are over time the more conflict you can expect, right?
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Really good parents—give each other advice.
To be a good team, when you make an observation that could be helpful, share it. Not in a condemning fashion but in a constructive way. This might be delicate but healthy parents give each other permission to speak gently into one another’s lives so they can raise godly kids. Here’s the trap for stepfamily couples to avoid: to the biological parent advice can feel like criticism of their child and to the stepparent it can feel like rejection or distrust. Don’t get defensive. Help each other.
April 20, 2020
Laughter is contagious, right? Well, so is a smile.
If someone stops smiling you instantly know something is bothering them, right? If the absence of a smile casts a shadow, a genuine smile on someone’s face can light up a room. Proverbs 15 says, “A cheerful look brings joy to the heart.” A co-worker's smile says, “I’m glad you’re part of the team.” From a spouse: “I value you in my life.” From a parent: “I approve of who you are.” And from a stepparent: “I enjoy you and I’m glad we’re family.” Go ahead. Share a smile and see what joy it brings.
April 17, 2020
Have you ever met a rich person who was miserable?
It’s a sad day when the rich realize that money doesn’t buy happiness. Who are the rich? Well, by the world’s standards you and I are rich but are we content? Proverbs 15 speaks to this: it’s better to have a little and trust the Lord than have a lot and live in turmoil. It’s better to have a simple meal in a loving home than a feast with hatred served on the side. What’s the lesson? Rather than chasing material things, seek first the kingdom of God and be rich in love.
April 16, 2020
Should dating and engaged couples talk about money?
Imagine a couple who has dated a while. She thinks he’s going to pop the question. He says, “When I look into your eyes I see our future’s merging together.” She says, “Yessss…” “So I was wondering, would you outline all of your debts and assets, show me your credit report, and sign this prenuptial agreement?” Ohhh, man, that hurts. And yet, at some point, dating couples—especially dating single parents—need to explore these issues. Go online for a free list of questions to help get you started.
April 15, 2020
Parents need to get off the teeter-totter.
Have you ever been in a conversation where the other person’s position led you to take a polar opposite position? Normally you wouldn’t take that position, but because they do, you do. This is a trap for some parents. One is strict so the other becomes permissive. When one goes down on the teeter-totter, the other goes up. Well, if a parent and a stepparent don’t get off the teeter-totter, the family suffers. Stop trying to counter balance the other, move toward the middle, and find balance.
April 14, 2020
Did your mom ever tell you to “Act your best”?
You were just in the worst mood towards a loved one but now you have a smile on your face and kindness in your heart. What is that? Maybe we do that because we want to make a good first impression or we trust that our family is not going to go anywhere. But permanence is not an excuse for bad behavior. You know how you treated your waiter or waitress at lunch? Be kind to your spouse like that. And be patient with kids and co-workers alike. Act your best, especially with those you love the most.
April 13, 2020
Have you forgotten to rejoice?
Mary Magdalene told the disciples the tomb was empty and that Jesus was gone. Empty? Gone? Gone where? And why? Upon inspecting the strips of linen and the burial cloth that had been wrapped around Jesus, the Bible tells us that two of his disciples “believed.” But it’s not until Jesus appears to them that they rejoice. What about us? We’ve often heard the story of Christ’s resurrection and we believe. But do we rejoice? Didn’t you hear what she said? The tomb is empty! We serve a risen Savior!
April 10, 2020
How do you let stepchildren know you’re not trying to take their parent’s place?
The answer to this question is important because a child who thinks you’re trying to take their parent’s place will likely work hard to prevent you from doing so. So, just tell them and tell the biological parent, too. A stepmom might say to the Mom: “I want you to know, that I know, you’re the mom, not me. My job is to bless your kids, not get in the way.” Doing this lowers the child’s and the parent’s sense of threat and their need to oppose the stepparent. It invites cooperation.
April 9, 2020
Is self-care the same as selfishness?
The Christian faith urges us to deny ourselves and serve others. But does that mean that all self-care is selfish? In Mark 1, after healing many people and drawing a crowd, the Bible tells us Jesus disappeared the next morning. He went off by himself to pray. I think that’s self-care. And when pressured to go back to the crowds, the better option, he said, was to go preach somewhere else. That’s self-care, too. Maybe self-care that orients you toward the purposes of God isn’t selfish at all.
April 8, 2020
Ron, what do we do? My kids are confusing my husband.
We all have different roles and each role tends to have a label. Suzanne’s kids were confusing her husband. The youngest calls him Dad; the middle will only call him by his first name; and the oldest calls him, “Hey, you.” Since terms tend to reflect emotional bonds and loyalty conflicts in children, mom and stepdad should learn to be okay with different labels. As long as the terms are respectful, go with it. Focus on being Christ-like. The labels will change, but the relationship will endure.
April 7, 2020
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Blended & Blessed® is the only one-day live event and livestream just for stepfamily couples, dating couples with kids, and those who care about blended families. Join sites around the globe on April 27th, 2024 as we unpack strategies that are crucial to building unity in your stepfamily. With some of today’s most trusted and respected experts, Blended & Blessed will challenge, inspire, and encourage you.