FamilyLife Blended®

Ron L. Deal

Becoming a Tech-Wise Family

October 4, 2018

Don’t let your smartphone turn you into a dummy.

 

Be a tech-wise family. First, have unplugged family time. No screens or devices at the dinner table, at restaurants, or on vacation. Second, have an entire unplugged day. Sunday is probably a good choice since it's a day of rest, already. Third, set limits to screen time and internet access. For example, parents should charge phones in their room to prevent late night screen time. And finally, love the one you’re with. Practice self-discipline. Don’t let devices control your attention.

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Archives

Have you ever been left out of the family portrait?   Steve and Joanne married and blended a family of five kids. When they bought a home, Joanne included some pictures of her stepdaughter’s deceased mother when she decorated. But Joanne didn’t get equal consideration from her stepdaughter, Mary, when she was decorating her apartment. Ouch. Why is Joanne hurt? Because she wants her blended family to blend. But to her credit, she’s also patient with her stepdaughter because she knows becoming family, sometimes, is harder for some than others.
October 3, 2018
Yeah, that’s right. 20 first dates!   John Townsend and Henry Cloud, authors of Boundaries, gave advice to Steve, a friend of mine. Get acquainted with 20 different women before beginning to date any of them. Why twenty?  There’s not anything special about the number of people but the approach made Steve slow down and stay objective: he’d have to regulate his desire and his pain and not let either make the decisions for him. No, this strategy is not for everyone. But staying objective and managing yourself is.
October 2, 2018
Every church…is a prison ministry.   Jesus proclaimed good news to the poor, freedom for prisoners, and sight for the blind. That good news means that churches today should be full of ex-convicts (figuratively and literally), people who were spiritually blind to their own sin, and those pushed down by society. “Well, that’s just great; Ron, but I don’t want them in my church.” It’s funny how we draw lines of who’s acceptable and who’s not. Which families fit and which don’t. But, then, anyone making those judgments is still blind.
October 1, 2018
As parents, when you find yourselves on different sides of an issue, it’s really important that you come together.   One way you come together is to hold your criticism and listen. Adam was looking forward to his kids coming for the weekend, but his wife; Monica, their stepmother, was concerned about the tension she might face. Instead of criticizing her for being pessimistic, Adam learned to listen and connect to her need. “I can tell you’re anxious about the weekend,” he said. “What can we do for things to go a little more smoothly for you?” Now they have a chance to come together and everybody wins.
September 28, 2018
In the Lord’s Prayer, Jesus taught us to seek forgiveness for our debts but even then, do you sometimes feel indebted?   Recently, a newly remarried couple poured out their heart to me. Even though it was the sin of their previous spouses that caused their divorces, they still felt dirty before the Lord. Shame is really hard to shake sometimes. When you get stuck there pray this prayer: “Lord, may we feel the warmth of your love and acceptance. If we feel shame for past sin, let it be washed away by your grace. Let us stand confidently in your mercy, not feeling second-class or unworthy, but forgiven.”
September 27, 2018
Ok, recording starts in 3…2…1.   It’s tough to get your kids to answer questions, sometimes. You ask them about their day, their friends, and you hear “Fine,” “Okay,” “Nothing.” Try an indirect approach. Don’t ask questions because then it’s obvious you want them to open up. Instead make statements that end with a period and then wait in silence. Or use your smartphone to interview them. The illusion of an audience changes the dynamic. Kids have something to say; we just have to find ways to let them say it.
September 26, 2018
To be welcomed is such a blessing.   Both Robbie and Sabrina had been widowed and their former in-laws had gone out of their way to welcome the new spouse in their new blended family. Now, these parents had lost an adult child and this new person was going to be the stepparent to their grandchildren, but still they went out of their way to include them and affirm their place in the family. Wow. When extended family opens the door of their heart it’s a heavy dose of grace for the entire blended family.
September 25, 2018
You know it’s good to be poor.   “Blessed are the poor in spirit,” said Jesus in Matthew 5, “for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” To be poor in spirit is not to be financially poor, or to think poorly of yourself. It’s to think rightly about yourself before God. Now, a spiritually proud person doesn’t need God because they are self-sufficient. But someone who is poor in spirit knows they need God. And, that person will find relationship with others who are poor in spirit much more attainable. So what would God say about you?
September 24, 2018
Have you ever been on the outside looking in?   It’s not fun is it? Maybe it was junior high and that group you wanted to belong to wouldn’t let you in. Or, it was a social club in college or a professional organization. Whatever it was, it’s not fun being on the outside. What does it take for a group of insiders to allow an outsider in? Softened hearts. Like in a stepfamily, biological family members--the parent and their children, grandparents, the aunts, the uncles have to soften their hearts to make room for the new outsider.
September 21, 2018
It’s quiz time. What do graduation, getting married, getting pregnant or having a baby all have in common?   They all tell us a transition has occurred and things are different. How do stepfamilies know they are a family? In the beginning, you are a collection of people from different families who try to figure out how to be a family. At some point, you do figure it out and a stepparent starts acting like a parent and stepsiblings start pestering each other like they do brothers and sisters. Well, so far, there’s no formal graduation ceremony for becoming a family but maybe you can act like there is.  
September 20, 2018
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Featured Offer

Blended & Blessed®
Blended & Blessed® is the only one-day live event and livestream just for stepfamily couples, dating couples with kids, and those who care about blended families. Join sites around the globe on April 27th, 2024 as we unpack strategies that are crucial to building unity in your stepfamily. With some of today’s most trusted and respected experts, Blended & Blessed will challenge, inspire, and encourage you. 

About FamilyLife Blended®

FamilyLife Blended® provides  biblically-based resources that help prevent re-divorce, strengthen stepfamilies, and help break the generational cycle of divorce.

About Ron L. Deal

Ron L. Deal is the Director of blended family ministries at FamilyLife®, and is the author/coauthor of the books The Smart StepfamilyThe Smart Stepdad, The Smart Stepmom, Dating and the Single Parent, and The Remarriage Checkup. Ron voices the FamilyLife Blended short feature and is one of the most widely read authors on stepfamily living in the country. He is a licensed marriage and family therapist who frequently appears in the national media, including FamilyLife Today® and Focus on the Family, and he conducts marriage and family seminars around the countryRon and his wife, Nan, have been married since 1986 and have three boys.

Contact FamilyLife Blended® with Ron L. Deal

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