The Real Reason We Argue

By Rick Warren

“Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had”(Philippians 2:4-5 NLT).

When you meet someone to resolve a conflict, you first have to confess your part of the problem. Then, you need to listen for the other person’s hurt and perspective.

We think we argue over ideas. But we actually argue over emotion. Anytime there’s a conflict, someone’s feelings were hurt. Somebody felt abused. Somebody felt slighted. It’s not the idea that causes the conflict. It’s the emotion behind the idea.

Hurt people hurt people. The more people are hurting, the more they lash out at everybody else. People who aren’t hurting don’t hurt others. People who are filled with love are loving toward others. People who are filled with joy are joyful to others. People who are filled with peace are at peace with everybody else. But people who are hurting inside are going to hurt others. They’re going to lash out.

If you want to connect with people, you must start with their needs, their hurts, and their interests. If you want to be a good salesperson, you don’t start with your product. You start with your customer’s need, hurts, and interests. If you want to be a good professor or pastor or anything else, you start with people’s needs, hurts, and interests.

Philippians 2:4-5 says, “Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had” (NLT).

Are you often so busy trying to get the people you’re in conflict with to see your position that you’re not listening to theirs? You’re too busy speaking and not listening, so you move further and further away.

You need to intentionally switch your focus from your needs to their needs. Conflict resolution starts with the way you look at the situation. The word “look” in Philippians 2:4 is the Greek word scopos. It’s where we get our words “microscope” and “telescope.”

Scoposmeans to focus. The next verse says your attitude should be the same as that of Jesus Christ. You are most like Jesus when you’re focusing on the hurts of somebody else rather than your own.

There’s an old Proverb that says, “Seek to understand before seeking to be understood.” When you’re focused on the other person’s needs and not your own, you’ll be able to get a better understanding of the situation and move forward with resolving your conflict.

PLAY today’s audio teaching from Pastor Rick

For more Daily Hope with Rick Warren, please visit pastorrick.com!


Step into the blessings God has for you!

Everyone wants to be blessed in life. But how can we live in such a way that invites God’s blessings?

Join Pastor Rick as he helps you experience all of God’s blessings in your everyday life with his Keys to a Blessed Life study kit.

This 6-session DVD and study guide explores practical steps you can take today that will lead to a life God can bless abundantly.

We’ll send you the Keys to a Blessed Life study kit to thank you for your gift this month. Your gifts help us reach more lives with the powerful message of the gospel.

So request this resource as you give today . . . and be blessed!

*The USA IRS code permits you to deduct the amount of your financial gift to Daily Hope that exceeds the fair market value of materials you received from Daily Hope.

This devotional © 2018 by Rick Warren. All rights reserved. Used by permission.

You can listen to Rick Warren on OnePlace.com.