When Elephants Fight
April 20, 2017
00:00
There’s an old African proverb that says, “When two elephants fight, it’s the grass that suffers.”
Conflicts that are managed well generally are a good thing. They resolve a problem and we move on. But when elephants fight for territory or dominance, something innocent is bound to get caught in the cross-fire. In divided families, children have to move between homes but when their parents battle it’s the kids who get trampled. If your children move between homes give a lot of consideration to how your interaction impacts them. Show consideration to the other home so the grass can grow.
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Ok, folks, let’s be careful with our words.
Someone might call a divorced family a broken family. How would you feel if I called you broken? If you mean fractured, yes, it’s no longer intact. But when we say broken what's heard is, “less than” which communicates condemnation and unworthiness. Are we implying divorced people and their kids can’t be whole? We don’t call widowed families broken. Let's use less pejorative terms like “divorced family” or “single parent family” and reserve the term broken for ourselves as we kneel at the cross.
April 19, 2017
I got a question: How long did the father wait for the prodigal son to return?
It’s a trick question really. Answer: He waited as long as it took. I give stepparents who are trying to connect with a child who has their back turned towards them a similar answer. One stepdad told me about his 12 year-old stepdaughter: “I tried and tried, but she never warmed up to me—so I just gave up.” I asked him, how long he waited. "Three months," he said. Ah, dude. You were on the right track, but the answer is as long as it takes. As long as it takes.
April 18, 2017
A pre-nup. You want us to do a pre-nup?
Financial planners often encourage pre-stepfamily couples to get a “prenuptial agreement,” but that feels like you’re planning for a divorce. A much better way is something I call "A Shared Covenant Agreement” which helps stepfamily couples manage their daily expenses, discuss insurance and retirement, and do estate planning for their children and each other. It builds confidence in how money will be used in your complex family. Don’t let money issues divide you; instead finance togetherness.
April 17, 2017
What’s so good about death?
Today we acknowledge the death of Christ. We call it Good Friday. What’s good about it? In Jesus’ day when Rome conquered an enemy, a herald would announce the good news. They called it a gospel. For us, the cross changed everything. The suffering of one brought mercy to many. Good Friday announced the “good news” that the battle had been won, victory was ours, and the King was restoring peace to his people. This weekend, join with your church family and celebrate the King. We have good news!
April 14, 2017
Alright guys, what are the three little words every woman wants to hear?
You’re wrong. The words “I love you” are special but so are the words: “Tell me more.” Now, guys, it's not about getting more facts or details. It’s about communicating to the woman you love I care about you. Most importantly it communicates I’m with you. Now contrast that with my recent not so good moment when I interrupted my wife in the middle of a story to ask an unrelated question. Yes, I had to repair that one. Next time I’m going to try listening with my eyes and tuning in with my heart.
April 13, 2017
Let me ask you a question. Has your desire to be central in someone’s life every caused you to be harsh toward someone else?
Candice Curry wrote a letter to her daughter’s stepmom, Ashley. Initially she hoped Ashley would be a terrible beast and that her daughter would disrespect her. But then Candice admitted that Ashley was an asset to her daughter. Her daughter got a mom and a bonus mom who live in peace. The letter caught the attention of the national media. Why is that? Because the courage to put others first is rare. Sometimes for love to win we have to stop trying to be central and just be a servant.
April 12, 2017
Every house, has its own blueprint.
Proverbs 24 says, “By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established.” I do this to share wisdom with you for building a stepfamily home. I know you can’t hear them all so we put them online. Proverbs continues, "By knowledge the rooms of your home will be filled with pleasant riches." When you apply stepfamily wisdom, the dining room and living room are full of good food, laughter, and warmth and the master bedroom is filled with…well, let your imagination finish that one.
April 11, 2017
No, the bridge was always there. She just finally crossed it.
Jennifer and her stepfather started on opposite sides of the ravine. She told me, “It took years to appreciate what my stepfather did for me starting at age 13.” Now she was a 28-year-old mother herself and she said, “He provided for us and loved me even when I couldn’t let myself love him. I don’t know why. But eventually I let him in and now we have an awesome relationship.” Adoptive parents and stepparents can be God’s provision for a child. When love builds a bridge cross it.
April 10, 2017
“You know, Ron, they tried to tell me to slow down. But I just didn’t listen.”
On our radio broadcast FamilyLife Today we interviewed a single mom about the challenges of dating when you have kids. Later that same single mom got married, forming a blended family. Ironically, she didn’t heed her own advice. She married a great guy but for the sake of her kids she had regrets about moving too fast. When you’re ready to marry, your kids are likely far behind. Avoid regret. Date intentionally and give consideration to how your kids feel about it. You won’t regret that.
April 7, 2017
“Ron, I’m jealous of a 10-year-old and I resent her like crazy.”
In stepfamilies, it’s fairly common for people to feel jealous of someone but what they really feel is fearful and insecure. If their jealousy could talk it would say, “I want to feel important and I’m afraid you took my place.” If you act on your jealousy you’ll just become bitter, critical, and competitive and then you will lose your place. Ask God to give you compassion for the very person you’re jealous of and discover that love leaves more than enough room for everyone to be important.
April 6, 2017
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Blended & Blessed® is the only one-day live event and livestream just for stepfamily couples, dating couples with kids, and those who care about blended families. Join sites around the globe on April 27th, 2024 as we unpack strategies that are crucial to building unity in your stepfamily. With some of today’s most trusted and respected experts, Blended & Blessed will challenge, inspire, and encourage you.