April 24, 2017
FamilyLife Blended™ with Ron L. Deal

Avoiding Us vs. You

April 25, 2017

Be careful. Don’t turn a stepfamily problem into “Us vs. You.”


Maria and her young adult children had many complaints about her husband. Clearly she needed to ask him to help find solutions, but I warned her not to use language like “you” and “we” or the gap between him and her kids would widen and she would be tempted to side with them. I said, “Emphasize you want to strengthen your marriage and you need his help to make things better for the family.” Don’t pit people against each other; lead with your desire for closeness so you tackle problems together.

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About FamilyLife Blended™

FamilyLife Blended™ provides  biblically-based resources that help prevent re-divorce, strengthen stepfamilies, and help break the generational cycle of divorce.

About Ron L. Deal

Ron L. Deal is the Director of blended family ministries at FamilyLife®, and is the author/coauthor of the books The Smart StepfamilyThe Smart Stepdad, The Smart Stepmom, Dating and the Single Parent, and The Remarriage Checkup. Ron voices the FamilyLife Blended short feature and is one of the most widely read authors on stepfamily living in the country. He is a licensed marriage and family therapist who frequently appears in the national media, including FamilyLife Today® and Focus on the Family, and he conducts marriage and family seminars around the countryRon and his wife, Nan, have been married since 1986 and have three boys.

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