We have our final weigh in for the Subway Get Fit Challenge tomorrow. [For those of you just tuning in, I have been competing, for the last fifteen weeks, in Nashville's version of Biggest Loser.] And to be honest, I'm not as big of a loser as I wanted to be.
Here's the funny thing - every time I talk about this competition I say the same thing. "It is a lifestyle change, not a numbers game."
Until I'm 12 hours from standing on the scale for the final time on Nashville television.
Then, boy howdy, it's a numbers game for real.
I got home from the gym tonight and took a short, hot shower. I felt like crying and frowning and just getting in bed and never getting out. I'm an emotional mess for a good amount of the time [sorry to my friends who deal with it from me so often], but this degree was unusual.
The numbers game was taking over my mind. I feared not living up to the expectations - from my friends, from the people in the competition, but mainly, from myself.
I kept hearing "finish the race, finish the race" in my mind. So I hopped online to biblegateway.com and searched "finish the race."
And with the first result, those tears that were building during my shower began to pour.
"However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me - the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace."
My job has never been to lose a ton of weight. I was not picked for this competition because Jesus plays a numbers game. My job, my goal, is to testify to the gospel of God's grace.
It is by God's grace alone that I have lived a healthy lifestyle for fifteen weeks.
It is by God's grace alone that I am able to stay on an elliptical machine for an hour.
It is by God's grace alone that my heart, my mind, and my spirit are changing.
And yet here I sit. So concerned about a number. Sheesh.
I think I do this a lot in my life -- set up expectations of what "success" looks like, never really taking into consideration that what God calls success may be far different than what I deem as successful.
Maybe tomorrow Jesus just wants me to thank Him on television. Or maybe He just wants me to hug a producer and tell her of His love.
Maybe success is that I didn't quit.
I need to meditate on this. I need to soak in this truth. Between now and tomorrow, when I step on that scale, I need this verse to be living in my heart, pulsing through me like blood.
Because I want to live my life, every season, every moment, to testify to His grace. I want to finish this race, the one that ends tomorrow, well.
And then I'll start a new one. And my only goal will be to finish the race and complete the task that Jesus has given me.
And testify to the gospel of grace.
Acts 20:24 - However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me - the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace.
2 Timothy 4:7 - I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.
Want to really run a race? Find a 5K in your town!
Annie Downs is running the race. Feel free to pass her, she's kinda slow. Read more at annieblogs.com.
What kind of race are you running today? Check in with Annie at She Seeks this week.
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