by Dennis and Barbara Rainey

1 Peter 3:7
You husbands likewise, live with your wives in an understanding way...and grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

We all realize that well-known pastors and Christian leaders are as human as anyone else. Yet something within us always remains surprised when we hear them tell stories that demonstrate just how fallible they are!

That was the case recently when I interviewed pastor and author Chuck Swindoll for "FamilyLife Today." Chuck was talking about a key event in his relationship with his wife, Cynthia: The day he realized how selfish he was.

They had been married for 10 years and were sitting in their kitchen in Boston. Cynthia began crying and said, "Honey, I don't want you to tell people that we are partners in ministry anymore. Because we're not."

Chuck was stunned. "What do you mean?" he asked.

"You don't really want me as a partner," she replied. "You just kind of need me at certain times...I'm not the Holy Spirit in your life, and I'm not giving you an agenda. I can just tell you I am one unhappy woman. I feel distant from the ministry. When I hear you preach, I'm watching one man. When I live with you, I'm with another."

As Chuck looks back on that day, he sees it as a turning point in his marriage. "I really was living a single life as a married man," he recalls. "When I saw it, I was ashamed. That's the only word I know to use.

"I began to see little things I had done for 10 years, such as not bothering to introduce Cynthia to others. When she served the meat, I'd take the biggest piece. I'd tell jokes about her. If we had a busy weekend, I'd take care of my agenda. She'd take up the slack.

"I realized I am a selfish man."

Since then Chuck and Cynthia began forging a true partnership in their ministry; in fact, he says his best ideas come from her. Their marriage stands as a testimony to the grace of God because Chuck is living out the truth of 1 Peter 3:7: granting honor to his wife as a "fellow heir of the grace of life."

Prayer:

Ask God to help you be the servant-leader your wife needs you to be.

Discuss: How do you treat your wife? Is she a true partner in your life? Would she say you are unselfish?

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