How to Make a Woman Feel Loved
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Men and women are different. Now that is not exactly news worth tuning in for, but now trying to understand those differences, now we could talk about that for a long time. For example, one of those differences shows up when my wife and I are driving long distances across this country. I can sum up the difference pretty succinctly. She wants to stop and see things; I want to get there! My honey sees signs for an interesting attraction or the kind of store she likes and she suggests we stop and check it out. Not me. Hey, we have a destination to get to girl! Who wants to waste time along the way? Guy-think!
It took me a little while being married before I got it figured out, but I know what is the number one way to make most women feel loved. Listen to her - not just her words, but her heart. I made a promise at my wedding that God's voice would always be the most important in heaven and my wife's voice the most important on earth. Easy to say. Harder to do, especially with so many voices to listen to in my life. But the woman who's trusted her life to me ought to be the most important voice in my life.
Many of us are familiar with God's challenging instructions to husbands in Ephesians 5:25, which happens to be our word for today from the Word of God. "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her." That's an incredibly high standard for us, men. Love with the same kind of self-sacrificing love that Jesus showed for us when He laid down His life for us.
Now, if that meant sacrificing our life physically to save our wife's life, I think most of us would probably do that. But the kind of sacrifice this turns out to be is the daily sacrifice of putting our needs and our agenda on hold to focus on hers. And we'll never know what she needs or wants, or why she's hurting, if we don't take time to listen. And time is probably what you have the least of. That's why taking time to listen is where Christlike love begins in a marriage.
Because (and now I'm asking for it) women often take considerably longer than men to say it! Men are saying, "Amen!" Women are saying, "So what?" Now we're back to how my wife and I do a trip. I just want the bottom line - getting to the destination as soon as possible. That's how men like to communicate - get to the point.
My wife, like most women, wants to enjoy the process; explore what's between here and the destination. Women are wired by God to care about the details, many of which a man would blow right by and sometimes miss something very important.
When a woman is telling a story, bringing in what seem like tangents, including a lot of detail, a man's "destination brain" is saying, "Where is this going?" A woman's heart, which believes the journey is important, not just the bottom line, wants you to love her enough to go on the journey with her - to see the things between here and the destination. Many times if a woman jumped to the bottom line like we want her to, we would jump to all kinds of wrong conclusions because we didn't take the time to understand how she got there. A quick word to the ladies: it shows love on your part whenever you can fast-forward to the bottom line.
So, to some guy who's tuned in today, do you love her enough to make the sacrifices to listen to her with loving patience? That's love in the language of the woman you love. It's the Jesus-way of loving - sacrificing the way you'd like it to be to benefit someone you love. It's more than listening. It's opening your heart to her heart.