Love Worth Finding

Byron Tyler: From the Love Worth Finding studios in Memphis, Tennessee, I'm Byron Tyler here with Cary Vaughn, the CEO of Love Worth Finding. Cary, today we kick off a new message series with Adrian Rogers, Super Glue for the Family. The series is available at lwf.org, or you can go to my LWF app for the series. Today's message, I'm excited, it's called Super Glue Marriage.

Cary Vaughn: Don't you love that title? I mean, talking about the bonding, the super glue. If we were to super glue our hands together and then let it sit for a while and try to separate it, it would be painful. We begin to understand the word of God when he says the two have become one flesh, and what God has joined together let no man separate.

Byron Tyler: This bonding you're talking about reminds me of Adrian Rogers picking up on the super glue theme and seeing how that super glue strongly bonds together like our marriages need to be bound together. This is what he had to say.

Adrian Rogers: I was reading an advertisement for a product called Super Glue, and it said something like this: it is stronger at the point where it is bonded back together than at the place that's never been broken.

I thought how apt that is for homes that have been put together by the Lord Jesus Christ when there's been heartache and dissension, and sometimes divorce. Then through the grace of God, those homes have been put back together, and I believe there is a supernatural bonding that is there that is greater than the marriage was before it was ever broken.

Byron Tyler: Telling the story of Jesus is something that Love Worth Finding does, and we're committed to here through the teaching ministry of Adrian Rogers. This month, we have a resource tied into that.

Cary Vaughn: It's a new book from Love Worth Finding entitled His Story, talking about His creation, His covenant, His cradle, His cup, His crown, His cross, His conquest, but also His coming. It's phenomenal. It's eight powerful messages from Adrian Rogers sharing the whole Bible in a simple but clear way. His Story will help the reader understand practical ways to increase their head knowledge, but more importantly, their heart knowledge.

Byron Tyler: Friend, you can call or go online today. Call 1-877-LOVE-GOD or lwf.org. Again, that number, 1-877-LOVE-GOD. Today, we have back in the studio from Ministry Services, Nicole. Nicole, I think you have another wonderful letter for us to hear from our listener.

Nicole: I absolutely do, Byron. Thank you for inviting me back today. This is just another one of such an encouraging message that we received from a listener. He says, "My wife and I watch LWF almost every Sunday afternoon. I'm a 74-year-old pastor, evangelist, and missionary. I actually knew Dr. Rogers very well. We sincerely love Dr. Rogers and we always will. I want to thank you and all of your team for continuing his work and ministry."

Testimonies like this one I just read and even prayer requests come into the ministry through many avenues: email, physical mail, voicemail, social media, text messages. We have a prayer team made up of dozens of people who take all of these prayer requests to the throne of Christ.

I'd also like to mention to our listeners that you too can share your prayer need or testimony with our prayer team by just going to lwf.org/prayforme.

Byron Tyler: Nicole, I can't imagine the blessing it is for you and that prayer team. How has that affected you and your walk with Christ, just praying over these?

Nicole: Sometimes we grieve with those that send their needs to us, and sometimes we get to celebrate those that send their testimonies to us. It just reminds us that God is still on the throne, that we are not in this life alone, that he is still pursuing us, he is still healing us, he is still for us, and he is still crazy for us.

Byron Tyler: I love that, Nicole. Thank you so much for that testimony. Well, with today's message, Super Glue Marriage, here's Adrian Rogers.

Adrian Rogers: Turn to the book of Genesis, chapter two, and in just a moment we're going to begin reading a very significant passage on the home. I begin in just a moment in verse 21. Genesis chapter two and verse 21.

We live in a tragic and a dangerous day. It's a day of throwaway marriages, disposable marriages, discardable marriages, and what a tragedy it is. Now, I am not here to make divorced people feel worse. If you've been divorced, thank God for the grace of God that cleanses.

But I am here to lay out a warning to those who are not yet married and to help those who are married to have what I want to call today a Super Glue Marriage. I want to show you today how to make up and not to break up because, dear friend, if you do break up, I can tell you with all of the emphasis, function, and emotion of my soul that there's going to be heartache. There's going to be difficulty. There are no whole eggs in a broken nest.

Thank God, God has given us a book that tells us how to stay married and to be what God wants us to be. I am reading here in Genesis chapter two and verse 21. And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept, and he took—that is, God took—one of his ribs and closed up the flesh instead thereof.

And the rib which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, "This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man." Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

Now, what happens is this: that the enemy, the devil, comes in and breaks up homes. And what happens is that people who come from broken homes have broken lives. And people with broken lives tend to build broken homes, which tend to produce broken lives, which tend to produce broken homes.

And there's a vicious cycle. Psychologists tell us that girls tend to marry men like their fathers. Now you can see why mothers cry at weddings. Somehow, we've got to get in and break that cycle. You can't do anything about your ancestors, but folks, you can do something about your descendants.

Let me tell you a verse that's been a life verse for me. You might want to make it a life verse for you. I claim this verse. Psalm 112, verses one and two. Praise ye the Lord. Blessed is the man that feareth the Lord, that delighteth greatly in his commandments. I want to be that man.

Blessed is the man that feareth the Lord, that delighteth greatly in his commandments. His seed, his children, his grandchildren, shall be mighty upon earth. The generation of the upright shall be blessed. Isn't that a wonderful promise? While we cannot deal with our ancestors, we can deal with our dependents.

Look if you will in verse 24 of the scripture. "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother." Underscore the word leave. "And shall cleave unto his wife." Underscore the word cleave. "And they shall be one flesh." Underscore the word be or become. Three action words, three verbs: leave, cleave, and become. There, God gives us in a nutshell what marriage is all about.

You see, when God says that a man shall leave his father and mother, that speaks of the priority of marriage. Marriage is the highest of all earthly human relationships. When God says that a man shall cleave to his wife, that speaks of the permanence of marriage.

Actually, the word here cleave means to weld or to glue. That's the reason I'm talking to you about a Super Glue Marriage. All right, that's the permanence of marriage. And then they shall become one flesh. That's the purpose of marriage, that a man and a woman come together and become in that closest bond and communion one flesh.

Now, I want us to look at simply the cleaving, the welding, the bonding. How do we stay together? Because, my dear friend, it is not easy. There are three things I want to talk to you about this morning.

Number one is a lifetime commitment or, if you will, a lasting commitment. That's the first step. You must make a lasting commitment. There must be such a total commitment to marriage if you want your marriage to last.

Now folks, you show me a boy and a girl who come to the marriage altar who say in the back of their minds, "Well, if this doesn't work out, we can get a divorce," and I'll show you a boy and a girl who have a great potentiality for getting a divorce.

But you show me a boy and a girl who come to the marriage altar and say there is no such word as divorce in our vocabulary. We are making a lifetime, a lasting commitment. We've thrown away the parachute. There is no other way for us, no matter what happens, thick or thin, we're going to stick it out. I'll show you a marriage that has a great potentiality for staying together.

Well, you say some boys and girls have more difficulty than other boys and girls. All married couples have essentially the same problems. The difference is in commitment. All married couples have essentially the same problems.

Now thank God for love. It takes love to build a home. If you don't have love, don't get married. But you listen to your pastor. It is not primarily your love that holds your marriage together; it is your marriage that holds your love together.

It is that commitment that enables your love to go on and on and on. And without that commitment, your love is going to disintegrate. Don't get the idea that your home is held together by love. Your home is held together by a commitment. It is your commitment that sustains your marriage and sustains your love, not vice versa.

Now, you see, the Bible says that a husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church. I want to ask you a question. Is Jesus Christ committed to the church? Or when I fail, does Jesus say, "Well, so long, Adrian. I want a divorce from you, Adrian. I no longer want to be your Lord, your Savior. I'm finished with you"? No. My Lord stays with me and he has said, "I will never leave you, nor forsake you." Praise God for that.

I've told Joyce, "If you ever leave me, I'm going with you." There must be a commitment. You say, "But what about the faults of my mate? What about the failures of my mate? What about the foibles of my mate?" Accept them. She has to accept yours.

Do you want me to tell you what a perfect husband is? A perfect husband is a man who does not demand a perfect wife. You want me to tell you what a perfect wife is? Vice-versa. One who does not demand a perfect husband.

Have you ever thought that your wife's faults or flaws or foibles or idiosyncrasies may be God's gift to you to help you to develop some character on the other side? Opposites attract. Her lateness may be God's gift to help develop your patience. God knows what he's doing. God's got a great sense of humor.

But we need to accept the other person. None of us are perfect. What a shame to let 90% of a good marriage go down the tubes because of some 10% problem or whatever. There needs to be total commitment, a lifetime commitment. For this reason shall a man leave his father and his mother, and cleave unto his wife. Be glued to her, welded together to her. Your children are bits of yourself. Your wife is yourself. You are one flesh.

Second thing. Not only must there be a lasting commitment, but number two, there must be loving communication. Now, most marriages get in difficulty because the husband and the wife don't learn how to communicate. Again, let's go back to the analogy of Christ and the church.

Does Jesus Christ communicate with the church? Yes, he does. He's given us his word. He speaks to us. He has sent his spirit into our hearts. He whispers to our being that we belong to him. We have the most intimate relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ who said, "I don't call you servants anymore. I call you friends. The servant knoweth not what his master doeth." That is, Jesus said, "I have given my spirit to you to share my heart, to share my life with you."

Most husbands and most wives fail in their marriage because they've not learned to communicate. There are five basic levels of communication. Some never get past the shallowest level. The shallowest level of communication is just clichés, small talk: weather, sports, so forth.

When I came up to the building, I said, "Hi, how you doing? Huh, it's cold. Yeah, so long." We all deal that way with people that we see. That's shallow communication. All right, nothing wrong with it, but that won't pass in a marriage.

Then the next level is the factual level. We deal with facts. We just share facts with people. You can do that in a business meeting, in a business enclave or whatever, very much like a newscaster delivers the news. No real involvement. I'm just laying some facts on you or you're laying some facts on me.

Ah, but there's a third level. And this level deals with ideas and opinions. Now you have to risk to get to this level because your ideas and your opinions may be rejected or the person may not like how you think about this. This is the intellectual level.

Sometimes people are afraid to venture in this level because they're afraid that their ideas will be shot down in flames and so they kind of retreat. Some marriages never reach this level where husband and wife can sit down and actually share ideas and opinions.

But there's a deeper level. It goes past the intellectual level; it is the emotional level. Not only do I share facts and not only do I share opinion and dreams and goals and aspirations, but I share how I feel about those things: my joys, my sadnesses, my fears, my hopes, where I can actually share my feelings. How many of us dwell with our mates on that level?

But then there is the absolute deepest level of communication: absolute openness and oneness. Look, if you will, at the last verse here of our text. "And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed." Now, truly that deals with the physical part of marriage. There was no shame there in the physical sense.

But you have to see, dear friend, that what he's saying there is there was no mental barrier there. There was absolute oneness. They were absolutely one flesh, uninhibited. Oh, listen, men do not desire this as much as women: to have that intimacy without which the physical act of marriage loses its meaning, that oneness, that sharing. And it's hard for men.

You see, women are more verbal than men. It is a known psychological fact that little girls have greater linguistic and verbal ability than men have. The little girls, they begin to bloom first. They begin to talk more in school than the little boys. They don't talk, and the little girls raise their hands to answer the questions and get in the spelling bees. The little boys are behind them at ages six, seven, eight, nine. About 14 or 15, they're neck and neck.

But these girls, they bloom faster. And in this verbal ability, they keep this verbal ability all the way through life. James Dobson has said something that I thought was interesting. I was listening to a tape and he said, for instance, let's say that God gives a man 25,000 words a day and God gives a woman 50,000 words a day.

Now, the man goes off to work and he spent his 25,000 words. I mean, he's got about 250 words left, and he comes home and Monday Night Football is on. Now, his wife has spent 25,000 words, but she's got 25,000 words left, and she wants to spend them. And he needs to understand that. He needs to understand that.

Well, we say women ought not to defraud a man physically. A man ought not to defraud a woman emotionally, psychologically. There needs to be that intimacy. There needs to be that communication.

Now watch. Number one, there needs to be a lifetime commitment. Number two, there needs to be a loving communication. Number three, there needs to be a loyal confrontation, a loyal confrontation.

If you think that being in a home is just smiling and making out like everything is fine, there are no problems, you're wrong. Does our Lord have problems with his church, his bride? Certainly, he does. Does he confront his church? Indeed, he does. "As many as I love," he says, "I rebuke and chasten." But notice he confronts us in love. "As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten."

There are going to be some conflicts in your marriage. I tried to analyze in my marriage counseling and from study I have done: where are the major conflicts in marriage? Let me just give you some, some conflicts that are going to need a loyal confrontation.

Number one, selfishness. Did you know that most of the marriage problems that I deal with at their root is nothing but selfishness? Another word for selfishness is immaturity—big babies. And most of the time, but not always, most of the time these big babies are the men.

They think that God gave them a built-in servant when they got married and she's to wait on him hand and foot because somehow he's the head of the house and he's Little Lord Ha-Ha and she's his servant. She's to wait on him all the time.

Did you know that 50% of the women who were married said, "If I had it to do over again, I would not marry the same man." That's shocking. 50% of the women—one out of every two women said, "If I could do it again, I would not marry that guy."

They surveyed the men. 70% of the men said, "I would marry the same woman again." Now, guys, what's that say about us? And let me tell you something else. They put a new ingredient in the survey and they asked this question: "Does your husband help you at home?"

To the wives who said yes to that question, 82% of them said, "I'd marry the same man again." 82%. Selfishness is one of the major problems. It comes across in so many ways. I'll tell you another area is financial: money problems.

Oh, you say that's right, not enough money will ruin a marriage. No, I'm not talking to you about not enough money. I'm talking about the mishandling of money. Poverty doesn't break up a home; many times it brings you together.

The problem in marriages is not so much a lack of money as it is a mismanagement of money, for the Bible says that godliness with contentment is great gain. Contentment, that's what people need: godliness with contentment. I believe that charge accounts are the devil's plan to ruin marriages. And most people need a little plastic surgery. Take those cards and just cut them up, and learn that you can do without anything except one another.

All right, let me tell you another problem, of course, is sexual. All of the things, the bitter fruit of the sexual revolution we're reaping and, indeed, that's one of the causes for divorce. Sex is a gift of God. It is a form of communication. The Bible says when husband and wife would have sexual relations that such and such a person knew his wife.

The sexual union of a husband and wife is a form of communication. He knew her. It's a way of saying "I love you" that cannot be put into words. And when all of that is fine, it seems like it's not such a big deal. But when it's out of whack, when it's skewed somehow, it takes on immense proportions. How we need to learn what the Bible says about this matter, and we'll talk more about that in our series.

Another problem, believe it or not, and it's a real problem is just the problem of nagging, just nagging, fault finding over trivial things. And then, of course, there's substance abuse: drugs, alcohol, or other forms of vice like gambling, all of these things.

Now folks, you will face one or more of these things in your marriage. And they're going to call for a loving confrontation, a loyal confrontation. Our Lord says, "As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten."

Byron Tyler: That's Pastor Adrian Rogers, and tomorrow we'll continue with part two of this important message. In the meantime, maybe you have a prayer request that you'd like to share. At Love Worth Finding, one of our great honors is to come alongside you and pray with you and for you.

If you can, go to our website homepage at lwf.org/radio and scroll down to our prayer wall. There you'll have the option to either submit a prayer request or pray for others or both. This resource is one of our favorite ways to keep the ministry and the community praying continually for one another's needs. We can't wait to hear from you today.

Well, thank you for studying with us in God's word. Be sure to sign up for our daily Heartbeat emails. You'll get daily devotions and message links sent straight to your inbox. You can find out more at the website, lwf.org/radio. And join us tomorrow for part two of Super Glue Marriage right here on Love Worth Finding.